so my sister's taking summer school session II, and I drove her down to Champaign yesterday, having to run a couple errands there anyways. when I moved out only a few weeks ago, i had already experienced some of the weirdest and saddest feelings, knowing that a chapter had closed in my life. In the past four years i had experienced many of the best times i can imagine while growing in so many ways... and so quickly, graduation arrived and it was all over in a flash. looking back into an empty apartment for one last time, i couldn't help but feel choked up thinking about the endless memories left in that place. the sappy part of me that rarely sees light of day suddenly seemed to overwhelm my mind, and for some reason, I could only think of sad songs like "It's So Hard To Say Goodbye to Yesterday" by Boyz II Men or "I Will Remember You" by Sarah McLachlan.

Of course, eventually I got over all those feelings. Actually, it didn't take long once I got home and was thrown back into life back in Darien, with my old room and my momma and poppa. not that all was forgotten from my times at U of I... just that home life basically came by like a 7'2" 350 pound Shaq and shook the sentimental crap out of me.

then, i made my triumphant return to my old stomping grounds for a day. had to pick up some mail, stop by Engineering Hall, do some random errands. i thought it would just be simple as that, but as soon as I exited Neil from I-74 another huge wave of weirdness swept over me. I honestly don't know what it was or how to describe it. Maybe it was just the fact that I had taken that road a million times before without ever thinking twice, I had passed those ugly houses on the side of Springfield Ave. on the way from my apt to Meijer or Best Buy or Chilis on Prospect... and now i was perhaps taking my last drive through ghetto old Champaign so I should treasure it. same with everything else, I must have walked through Everitt to get to Eng Hall hundreds of times before, logged into EWS machines thousands of times, walked down Healey to get my car a few times a day, stopped by the Union or chilled on the Quad for whatever reason. And once I finished my list of things to do late in the afternoon, it almost felt like I was done with classes for the day and I should call up some friends to go hang out or do something, but probably nobody was even in town. Not only that, but going through my phone number list on my phone, it was such a depressing thought that half those numbers were now out of service. I was almost even physically drawn towards Grainger, thinking I must have something to study, before realizing that those days were behind me.

Now you'd think a sensible, logic-minded person such as myself should be able to take a step back, and see how silly all of this was. Do I really miss school? The campus was never all that great... after just about every ECE test i cursed the department and told myself I just wanted to graduate... i don't even know how much money the punks at campus parking sucked out of me. But there's no denying that a part of me wishes I could go back to all that, if only to experience another day as a college student. and in the same way I know it can't ever happen like that.

It was my time to go, and no matter how fondly I look back at the memories, there's no sense in fighting the winds of change. Life moves fast, usually faster than I would like it to. But all I can say is, live with no regrets... If you're an entering freshman, figure out what it is that you want out of college and go for it. If it's a 4.0 GPA, then so be it. If it's to meet as many people as you can, fine. But don't look back 4 years from now and say, "I wish I had studied more" or "Why was I such a bookworm" because by then it will be too late. For me, I know if I had studied a little more, maybe I would have had better grades. But honestly, how much is it gonna matter if you don't learn as much about Electromagnetics, if you were able to make valuable relationships that you can take with you beyond life in school. Not that you would never use book learning, but I learned the most from other people. I also learn the most from my own mistakes. (hmmm... maybe i need a lesson in English, or in logic. how can I learn the most from more than one thing?)

Anyways... all this ended up being a lot more sappy than I intended. I promise not all my writings will be like this.

in the not too distant future, jychen@students.uiuc.edu will be no more... and leaving with it will be my .plan, which all of about 2 people read religiously for the past few years on UNIX. anyways, in the little time that's passed since graduation, I've not yet found (or even looked, to be fair) something to fill the .plan-writing void. Of course, there is the small AIM profile that i update now and then with my trademark wittiness, but that doesn't even come close. By the way, for those of you reading this and dont ever read my plan, I've already written a little tribute to how great .plans are compared to other stuff. maybe one of these days I will cut and paste that here. anyways, i guess i don't expect blogs to be quite like good old UNIX .plans but i'll post stuff here regularly nonetheless. (or at least i plan to)

maybe, if i get a rush of ambition, i will try to make a webpage but don't count on it. for the time being, i would be honored if you bookmarked this page. and feel free to check it whenever you feel a little "spice-ay"...