Layoffs
One thing I've started to notice lately is that I am a little too popular. Most people think that you can never have too many friends, but actually, over-popularity can be problematic. It's like the episode of Simpsons when they get a pool and Lisa becomes popular. Then Martin (the nerdy kid) gets a better pool and ends up with so many friends that his pool bursts. It's a lot like that, yah.
So, I have decided to start laying off friends. This means you would be removed from my Pocket PC list of contacts, your phone number would be erased from my cell phone, and if you have a blog/xanga page, I'd have to delete my bookmark to it and stop checking for updates. Of course, you would still be allowed to contact me by phone or email, and I would be happy to be a reference or write a recommendation for you to get a new friend to replace me. However, the layoff process requires that we no longer hang out together in person.
If you happen to be among the laid-off, please don't take it too hard. It's nothing personal, the decisions on who to cut were purely practical and professional, rest assured. Among the major factors I considered:
- Distance: Logically, people who live/work closer to me have the advantage over those who are far. It's only reasonable. Those of you close to me in P-town, consider yourselves fortunate.
- Race: Taiwanese friends obviously have the edge over non-Taiwanese. In general, the yellower you are, the better chance you have of avoiding this wave of layoffs.
- Common Interests: For example, if we can craft together, work out together, or are in the same fantasy baseball league, those kinds of things are considered.
- Benefits: Things like getting me a discount at Best Buy or hooking me up with pirated movies/software count for significant plus points.
- Contact History: If you have been keeping up with me regularly by email/phone calls/IM/etc., your efforts have not gone unnoticed! Now is the time when you finally reap the fruits of your labor.
- Social Status: You don't have to be super rich to hang with me, but let's face it: nobody likes to be friends with someone who's really poor. If you don't have any money, then sorry, I guess you're out of luck.
Other than that, official policy also exempts immediate family members from being laid off. So if you happen to be my mom, dad, or sister, then you don't have to worry about this.
Again, if you get a layoff notification from me in the coming days, don't be too down. It's tough for me to let go, but the circumstances really force me to cut personnel, as hard as it may be. But, if more friendship positions open up in the future, you will definitely be among the first to be considered.
Best,
Joe
* The preceding blog was a joke. I know a lot of you reading were getting worried about losing me, but I'm not really gonna lay off anyone. Yes, each and every one of you are my friend for life! I just felt like writing something different in my blog. And the idea of laying off friends amuses me.
So yeah, I do think the more friends, the better. I don't go out of my way to meet new people anymore, but that's one thing I miss most about college - being able to meet new friends on a regular basis, without ever having to put effort into it.
"More friends! More allies! More, I say!"
Monday, June 23, 2003
Somebody's Got A Case Of The Mondays
I saw the Hulk on Friday, and man, it was a pretty forgettable experience. It's not like I was even expecting an awesome movie, but about halfway through, I really wanted to just leave. Maybe I just don't understand the comic enough to appreciate the movie. Still, I think I would've been much better off watching 2 Fast 2 Furious.
Got my car tinted early Saturday morning. Did "light" in the front, "medium" in the back and rear (50%/38% for people who like percentages better), and I'm pretty happy with the results. Dark enough to block some sunlight and make the car a little cooler, but not so dark that I look like a crack dealer. So hopefully it won't attract cops.
Watched Austin Powers 3 at night, and realized that it loses a lot the second time around. Even though Britney is in it, the movie overall doesn't have nearly the staying power of the first two. Still entertaining, and I thought it was good seeing it at the theater last year, but not something I would watch over and over.
Watched the Sox game after church on Sunday. After beating the Cubs in the first 2 games of the series, I found myself starting to be interested in watching them again. This interest was quickly lost when we blew the game late in familiar fashion. Bartolo Colon shuts down the Cubs for 7 innings, giving up zero runs. Jerry Womanuel pulls him, puts in Dumbasso Marte with a 1-0 lead, who manages to retire 1 out of 5 batters faced and leaves with the Sox trailing 2-1. Of course, a 1 run deficit is too much for the Sox to come back from, so it's pretty much over after that. Seriously, GET RID OF JERRY MANUEL NOW. Not saying it's entirely his fault the Sox are underachieving, but it's obvious the guy has no sense of how to handle his pitchers, and that's one of the most important duties of the manager. Your supposed ace pitcher goes 7 without giving up a run. He's known for getting stronger as the game goes on, and he's under 100 pitches. Leave him in, that's what you are paying him the big bucks for!! On the other hand, Cubs leave in Zambrano, their 4th or 5th starter, for 8 innings, and come away with the win. I really want to root for the Sox but it's hard when it seems like they don't want to win.
To relieve stress from watching the game, I decided to wash my car. Washing my car takes a while, and it makes me tired, but I always love doing it. Clears my head and gets me in touch with all the little nicks and scratches of the car. Not that I like scratches and dents, but I take the imperfections as they come, and I don't sweat it too much because it adds some personality and history to my car. It's like life, it wouldn't be interesting if everything worked out perfectly all the time. It would be boring, and maybe even unhealthy, if you always had a perfect clear coat finish, even after years of driving. As long as the "rock chips" or "swirl marks" aren't too big, I guess it's part of experience that you should just accept and learn to appreciate. Anyways, the best part of car washing is at the end, my baby looks pretty. And it always seems to drive smoother when it's pretty.
Now it's back to work.
I saw the Hulk on Friday, and man, it was a pretty forgettable experience. It's not like I was even expecting an awesome movie, but about halfway through, I really wanted to just leave. Maybe I just don't understand the comic enough to appreciate the movie. Still, I think I would've been much better off watching 2 Fast 2 Furious.
Got my car tinted early Saturday morning. Did "light" in the front, "medium" in the back and rear (50%/38% for people who like percentages better), and I'm pretty happy with the results. Dark enough to block some sunlight and make the car a little cooler, but not so dark that I look like a crack dealer. So hopefully it won't attract cops.
Watched Austin Powers 3 at night, and realized that it loses a lot the second time around. Even though Britney is in it, the movie overall doesn't have nearly the staying power of the first two. Still entertaining, and I thought it was good seeing it at the theater last year, but not something I would watch over and over.
Watched the Sox game after church on Sunday. After beating the Cubs in the first 2 games of the series, I found myself starting to be interested in watching them again. This interest was quickly lost when we blew the game late in familiar fashion. Bartolo Colon shuts down the Cubs for 7 innings, giving up zero runs. Jerry Womanuel pulls him, puts in Dumbasso Marte with a 1-0 lead, who manages to retire 1 out of 5 batters faced and leaves with the Sox trailing 2-1. Of course, a 1 run deficit is too much for the Sox to come back from, so it's pretty much over after that. Seriously, GET RID OF JERRY MANUEL NOW. Not saying it's entirely his fault the Sox are underachieving, but it's obvious the guy has no sense of how to handle his pitchers, and that's one of the most important duties of the manager. Your supposed ace pitcher goes 7 without giving up a run. He's known for getting stronger as the game goes on, and he's under 100 pitches. Leave him in, that's what you are paying him the big bucks for!! On the other hand, Cubs leave in Zambrano, their 4th or 5th starter, for 8 innings, and come away with the win. I really want to root for the Sox but it's hard when it seems like they don't want to win.
To relieve stress from watching the game, I decided to wash my car. Washing my car takes a while, and it makes me tired, but I always love doing it. Clears my head and gets me in touch with all the little nicks and scratches of the car. Not that I like scratches and dents, but I take the imperfections as they come, and I don't sweat it too much because it adds some personality and history to my car. It's like life, it wouldn't be interesting if everything worked out perfectly all the time. It would be boring, and maybe even unhealthy, if you always had a perfect clear coat finish, even after years of driving. As long as the "rock chips" or "swirl marks" aren't too big, I guess it's part of experience that you should just accept and learn to appreciate. Anyways, the best part of car washing is at the end, my baby looks pretty. And it always seems to drive smoother when it's pretty.
Now it's back to work.
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