Regular Blog

- The Sox game yesterday was a good time. Thankfully, they put up some runs in the later innings and didn't blow their lead entirely. It was nice to just hang out at the ballpark for a night, watch some baseball, talk sports, drink beer, eat brats, point out some hot chicks, and shout at each other about those silly Jumbotron games (which hat is the ball under, Pizza race, Plane race, frog race, etc.) with the boys of old school Pact. I really wish we could do this kind of stuff more often, but unfortunately a lot has changed since college, and it's not as easy anymore.

A highlight was watching (and participating in) a pretty strong Wave that went around the lower deck for about 10 minutes, when the Sox were up 8-2 in the 8th inning. Even though the Wave goes against pretty much everything a true fan stands for, it was so hilarious to me in its retardedness, especially in light of the game situation at the time.

Some pics from the game (mouse over for description):




- This week at work has been pretty hectic. At COB (Close Of Business, for those not hip with corporate lingo) last Friday, the USN (United States Navy) annouced that they were awarding the contract for RTC_SS (Reconfigurable Transportable Consolidated Automated Support System) to McDonnell-Douglas, a wholly owned subsidiary of Boeing. For anyone who happens to be interested, a link to the DoD (Department of Defense) announcement follows (see Navy section):

http://www.defenselink.mil/contracts/2003/ct20030905.html

RTC_SS was the project I've been working on since around May. Between myself and a lot of people here at NGC-RM (Northrop Grumman Corporation-Rolling Meadows), we spent so much time and effort on preparing to build this thing. It's a weird feeling to know that after all the arguing about the design, the construction of the lab for this station, the stressing out to meet deadlines, all of that became more or less a moot point, summed up in a short paragraph of which all of our combined effort hardly even composed a few words of a press release, "four offers were received".

To me, the loss of this contract doesn't hit terribly hard, because I'm just a little guy. Actually, it probably means that I won't be super busy through the rest of the year, which would have happened if we got the contract. I'd still rather be able to work more extensively on a project, though, and gain some good experience doing so. But for some people here, the announcement was a pretty big blow. Especially to a lot of the contract workers, who were counting on being needed for the duration of the program, they now have a lot of uncertainty. I guess that is the way this industry works... I'm just kind of unaccustomed to the idea that it would be "all-or-nothing" like that.

- In brighter news, I've now been working here for almost a year, and today my boss called me into her office and officially informed me that I should be seeing a 4% raise starting with this week's paycheck. I guess when I think about it, 4% isn't a huge amount, especially after taxes and everything, but hey, I'll take it. I'm just an engineer anyways, not exactly the most glamourous way to get rich quick, right?

- The latest video to dominate my mornings is "Stacy's Mom". At first it was just an annoying little song, but then it was stuck in my head all day at work. I guess I underestimated its catchiness, and it made me pay by creeping into my head and multiplying. Stacy's mom has got it going on........ doo-doo doo do doo do doo doo doooo....

- Tomorrow is the 2nd anniversary (is that the right word for a tragedy?) of 9/11. I tend to wonder if the world has succeeded in banding together to become a safer, happier place during these past two years. Or if conditions have actually deteriorated from where they were before, and the terrorists are succeeding in sucking the lifeblood out of this planet.

- A while back I talked about my observation that the words "analysis" and "analog" both begin with the word "anal". If you enjoyed that fact, I have a couple more examples of my immaturity at work to share:

1) There's a maker of electronic connectors called Assmann Electronics. A link to the company site is here for those who don't believe me. Once, when I was looking at some of that company's connectors online with an older engineer, it took every ounce of self-control in my body to avoid busting out laughing at the name. He kept pronouncing it "OSS-MONN", but in my mind, I kept hearing "ass man" and snickering to myself, Beavis and Butthead style. huh-huh... Ass Man.... huh-huh huh-huh

2) One of the products I had to study at work today was called Built-In Test Exerciser and Sensor, better known by its acronym, BITES. That's an actual trademarked name, no joke. Again, for those who doubt me, I'll provide another link here. So anyways, I guess it shouldn't be that funny, but I wasted a good deal of the morning enjoying my own clever thoughts about the irony of the situation - how it was funny to me that spending hours reading up on a product called BITES, indeed bites. I wonder if there are any other products out there called SUCKS or BLOWS, that would be two more mornings I could waste with immature thoughts about such aptly named acronyms.

Lowered Expectations

If you ever watched the old school seasons of MadTV, you might remember a recurring skit called "Lowered Expectations". Basically it was like a dating service for really desperate people, so the candidates were all like prison convicts on death row, crazy psychos, or old wrinkly fat people. It was funny. By the way, those old seasons of MadTV were some of the most quality entertainment ever done in my opinion. There's a ton of hilarious stuff they came up with, at a time when SNL was pretty weak. If they released it as a DVD, I'd definitely buy it.

So that skit isn't really what I was gonna write about, but I thought I might as well explain the origin of my title. Anyways, I was just thinking more about the key to happiness, as I often do. And it's been discussed before, in this blog and plenty elsewhere, that if you set your expectations too high, you are never going to be happy. I think there's a Sheryl Crow song that says "It's not getting what you want, it's wanting what you got". Even though it's Sheryl Crow, it kind of expresses the same idea.

If this school of thought were true, then I would need to heavily reevaluate my expectations of life, and think hard about what is important to me. Off the top of my head, some of my most desired goals in life are as follows (in no particular order): own a nice house, get married to a beautiful wife that loves me and treats me well, have 2 or 3 healthy and productive children, drive an M5, run a successful corporation. These are all things that I either consciously or subconsciously work towards, and provide me with some direction and reason for life.

Being an engineer, my first nerdy approach to these situations is to analyze it with the typical set of "engineer questions". What can I improve? Which things are necessary and why do I need them? Can I cut out anything? Can I replace it with something else? What are the tradeoffs involved? What's it gonna cost me, and is it worth the cost?

Applying these questions to the short list above, I end up more confused than before. Like, why specifically do I want an M5? A lot of people would be happy with a lesser car like the G35, perhaps. Or, what's the definition of a "nice" house? Does it have to be huge and "Cribs"-worthy, or just warm, safe, and in a good location? And if I can't have a wife that's both beautiful and treats me well, does she really have to be beautiful? If so, how beautiful? If I could choose between an 8 that treats me like dirt, or a 6 that cooks, cleans, lets me watch baseball all day, and bears me 2 or 3 good kids, who should I choose? These questions just bring on more questions, which is the last thing I need.

It seems like every time I try to write a blog with these kinds of challenging issues, I come away without much progress. It's part of the reason why lately, I just try to keep my entries simple and avoid the deep thinking. But once in a while, the need to take on tough questions still strikes me hard.

I don't know why old TV shows are on my mind today, but right now I'm reminded of the "Mindy and Buttons" series on Animaniacs. The girl Mindy always ends up talking to some random person she meets, and keeps asking the question "Why?" over and over until the person runs out of answers and finally flips out. Then she goes "Okay I love you bye-bye" and runs off. Sometimes I wish I could be so cheerful, so blissfully ignorant when I run out of answers to my own questions.

Unfortunately, I was not born with the capability to take bliss in ignorance. If I was Neo in the Matrix, I would always make the same choice he did and take the blue pill (or is it red? I forget). I need answers to my questions, no matter the costs or risks associated with obtaining them.

A few nights ago, Olivia asked me what one thing I would improve about myself, if I had the opportunity. After thinking about it for a while, my answer was, I wish I could be smarter. The reason being, there's nothing I hate more than feeling like I am limited by my own lack of brainpower. Other people might wish for being more athletic, a better smoothtalker, a prettier face, a kinder and more compassionate heart, a better sense of humor, or having a larger member. I guess none of that matters as much to me as having unlimited mental aptitude. Like, even though I know the SAT doesn't really measure how smart you are, I still always remember my exact score - not because I was proud of how I did, but because I was so pissed off at myself for missing a perfect score by 30 points. A rare time in my life when I can recall being seriously mad about something. Since I feel like I put every effort I could into shooting for a flawless victory, it was one of the most frustrating feelings I've ever experienced, to be humbled and know that I could give everything I had and still come up short.

Anyways, back to the original topic. Can you really become more happy by lowering your expectations? Well, it would make sense, but then the more fundamental question is, can you just tell yourself to lower your expectations? After some thought, I think the answer is no. Telling yourself to not expect something that you already do, is like trying to "forget" how to read or ride a bike. It just doesn't happen that way, unless you somehow choose to be ignorant of your own thoughts and feelings. And as I already mentioned, I'm not a person who can ever be satisfied with being ignorant.

I guess that means that if your expectations in life are impossibly high, you're pretty much screwed because there's no turning back. The only way your expectations are going to come down is if you get hit with a dose of reality, and those are usually painful and reduce happiness. But hey, if you go through life thinking that you deserve nothing less than Britney Spears as your wife, you're probably better off getting rejected by some ugly girls at the bar a few times, to cut your expectations down to size.

In that case, maybe the key to maximum happiness is not to lower your existing expectations, but to keep your expectations in check in the first place. It's fine to have lofty goals, as long as they are reasonably attainable. So you have to maintain a balance between idealism and realism. Because the thing is, you might not necessarily be able to tell yourself to be happy, but you definitely can't be happy unless you allow yourself to be. Expectations are definitely important to your overall happiness in that respect. And right now, I'm just hoping that mine aren't too high as it is. I'd hate to have to experience some painful doses of reality...