Stop Unwanted Spam Emails
One of the few good things about my jychen@uiuc.edu email expiring soon is that I won't have to sort through all the dumb ad emails I get all the time. Seriously, there's at least 3 or 4 of these messages in my mailbox every day, and I swear I have been very careful about giving my email out. The annoying thing is that these clever folks title their emails "From: John" or something generic and subject as "I got it working" or "Quick question" so I have to open it up and make sure it's not someone I know. Unfortunatley, 99 to 100% of the time it is some ad for refinancing my home, signing up for traveler's clubs, or gay porn... leaving me feeling frustrated and somewhat bamboozled. One was from McAfee and titled "Stop unwanted spam emails," which I thought was ironic. SO STUPID!!! I know somewhere, some guy is having himself a hearty chuckle at my expense.
But once that address is deactivated, it will be I that is heartily chuckling. All that effort put into hoodwinking me will have been wasted... and what better revenge than for these punks to receive a good old dose of "Returned mail: address unknown"? muahahahahah... ugh. Anyways, if I ever find one of these people who have nothing better to do than annoy millions of people at once through email, then I am gonna have to pull out their eyes and shove them down their pants so they can watch me kick the crap out of them (courtesy of Moe in Simpsons, again. gotta love Simpsons).
Monday, July 22, 2002
Thoughts on Shopping
After spending much of the past couple days shopping at Oakbrook and Water Tower with Olivia, I came away feeling somewhat worn out, but not left without some random observations to share.
If you ever feel like seeing a bunch of really bored men, just visit a local department store and observe the area right outside the women's waiting room. There you will find men of all ages and races waiting impatiently for their woman while she tries on 8 different tops in various shades of pink and in each size within a relatively large range. I saw an old man about 60 or 70 years old at Marshall Fields, reading a book outside the women's dressing room. Ah, his age must have made him wiser... next time I shall bring a book or buy a Game Boy for such situations.
When it comes to sizes, men use "Small," "Medium," "Large," and "Extra-Large." Pretty simple and self explanatory, and it does the job pretty nicely. Women, unfortunately, must have missed reading my blog on simplicity and they must use sizes 0, 2, 4, 6, 8, in addition to the small/medium/large categories. I'm wondering, what's wrong with good old small/medium/large? And how can something be size 0? If size 0 is too big for someone, do they need a size negative 2?
Banana Republic makes about 300,000 types of men's pants that are all apparently different from each other. That's apparent to everyone but me, it seems. I can't seem to tell if there is actually the slightest different between an "Emerson" and a "Gavin" fit is, not to mention a "Dawson" vs. "Smithfield." Nor do I really care. Just give me a pair of normal pants, for cryin out loud.
Girls use the term "power-shopping" to describe the act of going to the mall with a mission, having either a mental or written list of exactly what they need and trying to get everything as efficiently as possible. You know, that is how I would choose to shop all of the time if it were up to me. If I don't go to the mall knowing what I want, there's almost no point in going at all because I will pretty much never end up getting anything in those situations. Unfortunately, while "power-shopping" is a good thing in my opinion, the other 95% of times girls head to the mall is usually a matter of walking around the stores for a few hours and letting yourself be sucked in by a cute dress, a big sign that says "CLEARANCE," or the smell of cookies. That is why I must conclude that shopping malls were definitely designed with women in mind, not men, because all of these signs, or the cute dresses, or the cookie and ice cream shops are so well placed so as to lure the typical shopper, who wasn't really planning to get anything, to suddenly feel like they need to buy everything. You ever see beer sold on a clearance rack? No, beer sells itself. When you go to a hardware store or auto parts shop (yes I am being stereotypical here please forgive me), every aisle is clearly marked and organized to save the shopper time. You go to Oakbrook, Woodfield, whatever, they are designed to force shoppers to walk past as many stores as possible. Evil, evil, evil. If the rest of the world ran like that, it would take 2 hours to find a pack of gum at the gas station or the local 7-11.
I don't think I've ever encountered a girl who doesn't need something at any given time. Especially shoes, have you ever met a girl who wasn't looking for a new pair of shoes? They could have 18 pairs of shoes for any given occasion I could imagine, but obviously girls have a stronger imagination than me because there's always a new reason for needing some new shoes. Wedding coming up? Gotta get new shoes. Got a new skirt in baby blue? Better get some baby blue shoes to match. Allergies bothering you? I know just the cure, how about some new shoes.
One other thing I've always wondered is, how come for every dance or special occasion or whatever, girls need to go out and get a new dress? Are there strict classifications like some dresses are only for homecoming and others for prom? Or, are formal dresses designed like kleenex, you can only use it once or else you risk it falling apart? Some might argue that having a different dress for every occasion is a way of making each occasion special and unique. I guess I might be able to accept that, but not every dance is like your wedding, you know? Plus, how come guys don't get a new tux for every new dance they go to (ok, so it's more expensive but still). I'm kind of afraid to ask a girl these questions because I have a feeling they will think I am dumb. If you ask me, I think it's just because it's a convenient excuse for girls to get themselves a new dress.
This is somewhat unrelated, but I got a linen shirt a couple weeks ago, and I must say that I am very unimpressed. It's probably the only non-cotton shirt I've ever gotten, and I thought cotton wrinkled easily but linen is 50 times worse. All I do is sit down for a couple minutes and when I get up, there are folds galore on the bottom half of my shirt. Seriously, it's like Fold-land down there. Fold-city at least. Anyways, there's no point in ironing it at all because no matter what, by the end of the day, I will find myself wearing the "wrinkliest shirt ever" (said like the Comic Book Guy in Simpsons).
After spending much of the past couple days shopping at Oakbrook and Water Tower with Olivia, I came away feeling somewhat worn out, but not left without some random observations to share.
If you ever feel like seeing a bunch of really bored men, just visit a local department store and observe the area right outside the women's waiting room. There you will find men of all ages and races waiting impatiently for their woman while she tries on 8 different tops in various shades of pink and in each size within a relatively large range. I saw an old man about 60 or 70 years old at Marshall Fields, reading a book outside the women's dressing room. Ah, his age must have made him wiser... next time I shall bring a book or buy a Game Boy for such situations.
When it comes to sizes, men use "Small," "Medium," "Large," and "Extra-Large." Pretty simple and self explanatory, and it does the job pretty nicely. Women, unfortunately, must have missed reading my blog on simplicity and they must use sizes 0, 2, 4, 6, 8, in addition to the small/medium/large categories. I'm wondering, what's wrong with good old small/medium/large? And how can something be size 0? If size 0 is too big for someone, do they need a size negative 2?
Banana Republic makes about 300,000 types of men's pants that are all apparently different from each other. That's apparent to everyone but me, it seems. I can't seem to tell if there is actually the slightest different between an "Emerson" and a "Gavin" fit is, not to mention a "Dawson" vs. "Smithfield." Nor do I really care. Just give me a pair of normal pants, for cryin out loud.
Girls use the term "power-shopping" to describe the act of going to the mall with a mission, having either a mental or written list of exactly what they need and trying to get everything as efficiently as possible. You know, that is how I would choose to shop all of the time if it were up to me. If I don't go to the mall knowing what I want, there's almost no point in going at all because I will pretty much never end up getting anything in those situations. Unfortunately, while "power-shopping" is a good thing in my opinion, the other 95% of times girls head to the mall is usually a matter of walking around the stores for a few hours and letting yourself be sucked in by a cute dress, a big sign that says "CLEARANCE," or the smell of cookies. That is why I must conclude that shopping malls were definitely designed with women in mind, not men, because all of these signs, or the cute dresses, or the cookie and ice cream shops are so well placed so as to lure the typical shopper, who wasn't really planning to get anything, to suddenly feel like they need to buy everything. You ever see beer sold on a clearance rack? No, beer sells itself. When you go to a hardware store or auto parts shop (yes I am being stereotypical here please forgive me), every aisle is clearly marked and organized to save the shopper time. You go to Oakbrook, Woodfield, whatever, they are designed to force shoppers to walk past as many stores as possible. Evil, evil, evil. If the rest of the world ran like that, it would take 2 hours to find a pack of gum at the gas station or the local 7-11.
I don't think I've ever encountered a girl who doesn't need something at any given time. Especially shoes, have you ever met a girl who wasn't looking for a new pair of shoes? They could have 18 pairs of shoes for any given occasion I could imagine, but obviously girls have a stronger imagination than me because there's always a new reason for needing some new shoes. Wedding coming up? Gotta get new shoes. Got a new skirt in baby blue? Better get some baby blue shoes to match. Allergies bothering you? I know just the cure, how about some new shoes.
One other thing I've always wondered is, how come for every dance or special occasion or whatever, girls need to go out and get a new dress? Are there strict classifications like some dresses are only for homecoming and others for prom? Or, are formal dresses designed like kleenex, you can only use it once or else you risk it falling apart? Some might argue that having a different dress for every occasion is a way of making each occasion special and unique. I guess I might be able to accept that, but not every dance is like your wedding, you know? Plus, how come guys don't get a new tux for every new dance they go to (ok, so it's more expensive but still). I'm kind of afraid to ask a girl these questions because I have a feeling they will think I am dumb. If you ask me, I think it's just because it's a convenient excuse for girls to get themselves a new dress.
This is somewhat unrelated, but I got a linen shirt a couple weeks ago, and I must say that I am very unimpressed. It's probably the only non-cotton shirt I've ever gotten, and I thought cotton wrinkled easily but linen is 50 times worse. All I do is sit down for a couple minutes and when I get up, there are folds galore on the bottom half of my shirt. Seriously, it's like Fold-land down there. Fold-city at least. Anyways, there's no point in ironing it at all because no matter what, by the end of the day, I will find myself wearing the "wrinkliest shirt ever" (said like the Comic Book Guy in Simpsons).
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