For the record, the timing of this post is in no way related to the recent request in my comments section. I appreciate all the readers who follow my blog, but since the first days I started this habit of writing, I promised myself that the day I started to feel like I was updating it for someone else other than myself, would be the day I'd have to quit. One thing I've learned is that in the long run, doing something like writing blogs regularly is not something you can do for the sake of others, you have to really want to do it for yourself and enjoy it. Also, if I haven't been writing anything for a long time, it's most likely because either:
a) I have nothing to write about
b) I don't have the time or energy to write
In both situations, it doesn't help the cause to have anyone else telling me to write. So in the future, I don't want to have to feel pressured by anyone to update. (Least of all, from someone whose blog was last updated 9/29/03).
With that said, I will reassure everyone that I haven't lost the desire to write. The reason for the (relatively) long break since my last post is a combination of factors a) and b) listed above. I've been pretty busy, and there's not really a lot of interesting stuff going on. But now, I finally have a completely clear evening ahead of me where I can just sit down and write for a while.
By the way, I should warn you all that this will probably be a very long blog. And not so much because I have so much cool stuff to talk about. More so because I haven't rambled in a long time and I feel like rambling right now. So if you find yourself mad at me for wasting your time after reading this entry, don't say I didn't warn you.
First off, I'd like to talk about my job. Work has not been kind to me these days. It's not horrible, but lets just say that I've had better times at NG. As some of you know, I transferred from the Systems Engineering group to the Circuit Design group at our site a few months ago. Career-wise, it's definitely a good move for me. However, it's also been a very, very challenging transition and for the first time, I've actually found myself stressed out to the point where I've considered leaving.
Now, I don't think I will really end up quitting, it's just been tough times is all I'm saying. Maybe the problem is that my first year and a half at this place was too easy, I don't know. The thing is, this job is about 100X closer to what I always pictured the job of an engineer being, than what I was originally doing. Unfortunately, it's also harder by leaps and bounds. And I guess right now, a lot of questions and doubts are in my mind. Such as:
- Is this what I was born to do?
- What was I born to do?
- Is doing this stuff going to lead to where I want to go in life?
- Where do I want to go in life?
If it sounds like I'm a man with no ambitions, I'd have to say that's not the case. I want just as much as, if not more than any other man to succeed in life. I'm just a little lost right now when it comes to figuring out how to get there.
It would probably make things a lot easier if I was picking things up quicker at the new job. Unfortunately, it's been a slow learning process and I've felt pretty stupid and out of place at times. Which is not something I'm used to. These kinds of things have always come pretty easy for me. When I put my mind to something, I expect a lot out of myself, that is, to succeed 100% of the time.
That's pretty much what has forced me to stop and think about the tough questions. It's made me wonder whether or not this engineering stuff is what I'm meant to devote my life to. Maybe there's something else I should be focusing my energy on, and this is all a colossal waste of time. Or maybe I just need to give it more time and let my life unfold without worrying too much about the present.
The problem is, I'm 24 years old now, and less than half a year away from being 25. At this point, I am more aware than ever about my age and of the fact that I'm not getting any younger. If this is not what I'm meant to be doing, and it's not taking me in the right direction, then now is the time to figure that out.
Sometimes I look at the most successful people in this world and realize that in many, if not all cases, these are people who have ended up in the exact career that they were born for. For example, when you see a guy like Tiger Woods, you know know without a doubt that this is a guy who was born to play golf for a living. Britney Spears, before she turned all crazy, was clearly born to be a pop star from the very beginning. And it's definitely no accident that Donald Trump became one of the world's most powerful real estate tycoons. Maybe all three of those individuals could still have been successful had they taken other paths, but I just admire how perfectly each of those people have fit into their destined lives and how spectacular the results have been. I admire that, and I wish I knew where I fit in with respect to my own future and my destiny.
Anyways, in the midst of all the questions from the challenges at work, one thing that has been made clear in my mind. Which is, working is not easy. Making a living is not easy, earning money is not a walk in the park. If it were up to me, I would not work.
That sounds like an obvious observation, but I think it is still worth repeating. Since I am reminded of this fact often these days, it makes me more annoyed with the sector of our population I like to call "liberal college students". You know who I'm talking about, the spoiled kid attending UC Berkeley, who has never worked a day of his/her life. They typically spend their days smoking weed instead of attending class, and then taking part in whatever protest happens to be going on in the neighborhood, regardless of the cause. At the same time, they believe they know everything about the real world, how our economy works, the intricacies of foreign policy. And somehow, with 2 years of college education, they believe they know better than our country's elected leaders on what to do with this country. By the way, our country's leaders include:
President George W. Bush - Bachelors Degree from Yale, MBA from Harvard. Served in Army National Guard. Owned Major League Baseball team. Multiple term governor of Texas.
Secretary of State Colin Powell - MBA from George Washington University. 35 years of service in the US Army. 4-star general.
National Security Advisor Condoleeza Rice - Attended college at age 15 (!), graduated cum laude at 19 (!). Masters degree from Notre Dame. Ph.D from U of Denver, professor and Provost for 6 years at Stanford University.
Director of Homeland Security Tom Ridge - Graduated with B.A. from Harvard. Served in Vietnam, received Bronze Star. 6 terms in Congress, 2 terms as Governor of Pennsylvania.
Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld - Graduated from Princeton, served in Navy during Korean War, highly successful as CEO of two Fortune 500 companies, 4 term Congressman, former White House Chief of Staff, former US Ambassador to NATO.
I'm not saying that just because these people are educated, they deserve to run our country. Certainly they're not perfect, they've made mistakes, and there is a danger in having a government led exclusively by elites. I just find it to be retarded how people who have hardly contributed anything to society think they have the right to bash those who have accomplished so much. Personally, I think it's questionable whether or not people who have never paid a cent in taxes deserve to even vote in this country, although that might be going too far. Put it this way: who do you think is better suited to set policies for our country, a 20 year old who learned everything he knows about politics from Michael Moore, or someone who has personally seen military combat as a member of the military, served for years as an elected official, is experienced in the corporate world, etc.?
Speaking of Michael Moore, I could probably write a whole lot about him too, but I'll save that for another day. I haven't seen Fahrenheit 9/11 yet, but I do plan on seeing it sometime soon, and will probably have a blog eventually devoted to that.
Onto lighter topics, I have seen Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle 2 times in less than a week. I thought the movie was funny, and it is of course nice to see a movie with Asian and Indian characters as the lead, don't have stupid accents, aren't doing kung-fu, and most of all, are guys I can relate to. Also, it made me appreciate the song "Hold On" by Wilson Philips so much more.
As far as breaking significant ground for Asian Americans, I don't know about that. It's a movie about 2 guys with the muchies for crying out loud. Not that I'm putting down the movie, but let's not make it more than it is. Also, I think the first weekend's results for Harold and Kumar were disappointing, as it earned about $5 million to finish in 7th place. That's surprising to me, considering how packed the theaters were both times I went (then again, the first time was a free pre-release screening so I guess it better be packed). Anyways, the saddest thing is that the movie did worse in its opening weekend, than Catwoman did in its second. Getting beat by The Village or Bourne Supremacy or Manchurian Candidate is one thing, but come on, Catwoman? I would like to know who is buying more than $5 million worth of tickets to see Catwoman. And why they are not watching Harold and Kumar. If anyone out there has not seen Harold and Kumar, I recommend that they do, it's definitely worth the price of admission and more. Especially if you liked Dude Wheres My Car, as I did.
There are still a whole bunch of movies I need to see, which I have missed in the past year:
- Troy
- Mean Girls
- Fahrenheit 9/11
- Dodgeball
- Shrek 2
I think it is gonna be a busy movie-watching season for me once all these movies come out on rental. I might have to get one of those Blockbuster Unlimited Passes or something.
One of the things that made me feel like writing today was reading the blog of Chras's cousin DJ. Hope he doesn't mind me linking to his site, but I thought this was one of the most hilarious things I have ever read. It's even more funny if you know this kid, but still worth reading even if you don't. Substitute "Britney Spears" for "Lindsey Lohan", and "Kevin Federline" for "Wilmer Valderrama", and he is pretty much describing exactly how I felt when Britney got engaged. Also, his discussion and breakdown of Lindsey vs. Hillary reminds me of all the arguments I used to have about Britney vs. Christina. Ah, another generation has taken over... I feel old.
In the world of sports, the White Sox are not doing so well these days. I'm not too worried though. Yes, we got owned by the Twins and then the Tigers, and the team is starting to look like the Sox of late last year. But considering we lost both Frank Thomas and Magglio to injuries, it could be worse. I still think we'll make the playoffs. Also, I am happy with the Loaiza for Contreras trade.
As far as the Cubs getting Nomar goes, I have always thought Nomar was overrated, and then got worse. I hope Cubs fans aren't expecting him to be the second coming of Christ, but at the same time, basically all they had to give up was Alex Gonzalez. And that's good no matter how you look at it. Alex Gonzalez blows. I hate players like him who always swing for the fences and then strike out. Once in a while you get lucky, and then you think you're a hero or something.
In other news, I bought a laptop a couple weeks ago. IBM Thinkpad T42, Centrino 1.7 GHz, 512 MB RAM, DVD/CD-RW drive, pretty basic. First thing I did when I got it? Install Starcraft. Here is a picture of it, in an effort to make this blog more visual:
I realized today that my programs were all loading slow because of Norton Anti-Virus Autoprotect. So I turned it off and now it's fast. Hopefully I don't get a virus.
My body is getting sore from sitting here on my bed typing this blog. Therefore, I will end it here. Have a nice day everyone.
