Packrat

One of my weird quirks is that I save almost everything, and rarely throw anything away. Not talking about perishables and stuff, of course. But anything that I might even remotely want to come back to someday, gets saved. Especially things of sentimental value, but really, it doesn't even have to be that meaningful to get kept by me.

For example, I still carry my X-Sport membership thing on my keychain, even though I hate that company. Not to mention I'm like 3 years or two different gym memberships removed from the last time I went to that place. My file cabinet is full of old bank statements, phone bills, cable bills, things that I can all look up online by now - but I just can't throw them away for some reason. I've got bookcases filled with old magazines - Sports Illustrated, PC World, EGM, ESPN the Magazine. I even save the monthly issues of "Experience Life" from my membership to Lifetime, and old copies of the Cracker Barrel from Schaumburg Township. They're just cluttering up my coffee table right now.

In my desk drawer, I've got a whole bunch of envelopes with old ticket stubs and receipts that have faded over time. They're barely even readable at this point. I've got all these expired credit cards, library cards, Britney Spears magnets sitting on my shelf.

I've got gizmos and gadgets a plenty. I've got who's-it's and what's-it's galore. You want thingamabobs? I've got 20. But who cares? No big deal, I want more... (Ok, maybe I crossed the line there, quoting Little Mermaid).

Anyways, I could go on and on. The point is, I definitely go overboard sometimes with keeping everything I have. Most of that stuff is just sitting there, collecting dust and taking up space in my house. I don't know why I can't ever just throw stuff out, or make use of the shredder I bought 2 years ago, just for that purpose.

But you know what? Lately I have been finding that every once in a while, saving everything does come back to pay unexpected dividends.

- In the corner of my closet, I rediscovered some old clothes that I forgot I still had but never wear. When I say old, I mean OLD, like from high school days (almost 10 years ago). Anyone remember Structure, the men's store that every guy my age shopped at during HS, before it got merged with Express later on?

Well some of those shirts still fit me, and I started busting out some of the old-school polos from back in the day. The 6-button ones may look stupid now (maybe they did back then too), but there's still a few that look okay. I guess it's true what I always say - it's not the shirt that matters, but the man behind the shirt that makes the difference. Haha.

Now if I can just find my old Chicago Bulls championship t-shirts... from the first 3-peat, not the second.

- Back in college, even though I wasn't that involved with the church at CFC, I still joined small groups every year and tried to participate somewhat. Since I wasn't that active, I don't have a ton of memories and remnants to show for being in those small groups. Maybe a few t-shirts, pictures, and that's about it. But one thing I found a few weeks ago was an old CD marked "ISR 6". It was a collection of praise songs that my small group (the 6th at the ISR dorm, see how that works?) put together for each other.

I barely remember even getting that CD in the first place, and at most I maybe listened to it once or twice in my Sony Discman (another throwback), before replacing it with the Bone Thugs N Harmony's E1999 album. Yeah, I was into the ghetto stuff back then. So anyways, I loaded up the ISR 6 songs onto my IPod and started listening to it in my car on the way to/from work the past couple weeks. And I have to say, hearing those songs has been one of the most blessing things I have experienced in a long time.

Everyone knows how much I love the cheesy pop/R&B, or the 90's alternative bands, or the 2Pac and Biggie era of rap. But I've been realizing that none of that music truly feeds my soul, the way these praise songs have impacted me and stayed in my heart over the years. As much as I still love Britney, Boyz II Men, and Bone Thugs, I couldn't say that any of their music carries nearly as much meaning to me in my life when I stop to think about it. Not that I'm saying there's anything wrong with simple thoughtless music (see my essay on Britney Spears for more thoughts, 3/23/03 entry), but I do feel like our souls hunger for more than "junk food" sometimes. And listening to that ISR 6 CD really filled me up at a time when I needed it a lot.

- For those of you who went to college at U of I around the same time as I did, you'll probably remember a place called R&R's. Since the time I graduated, it has been replaced by a new bar, the Firehouse, but during my college years, R&R's was one of my favorite places to hang out. It was a pretty dumpy place, but the one thing it was known for was the Shark Bowl - a big bowl of mixed hard alcohol, fruity drinks, and ice. (Meant to be shared by a group of people at a table, but in practice, not always the case).

Anyways, each Shark Bowl had a little rubber toy shark in it (hence the name), and in those days, I collected quite a few of those sharks. A couple of them have actually been sitting in my bedroom next to the TV for years, I just never noticed them. But for no particular reason, those stupid toy sharks caught my eye the other day and got me thinking about all the fine (and not-so-fine) memories I've had at R&R's over the years. Scary to think that those days are long gone, but the one thing I have left to remind me, other than grainy pictures, are those sharks.

I wonder how long I'll be able to keep those sharks around, and how many more years will pass before I notice them again and reminiesce about the good times associated with them.

- Digging through some of my old emails, I was really amazed to find so much good stuff that people shared with me over the years. Friends who took the effort to send me notes of encouragement, when they knew I was going through struggles in my life. A lot of it was simple things like E-cards, forwards, links to articles or just simple soccer videos - I always loved those. But I also found some emails with really deep and heartfelt advice, that I didn't fully understand or appreciate until later on, as I was reading them in hindsight. I couldn't help but feel moved by the thought that people have been caring for me and praying for me and simply showing love to me, all along when I didn't even realize it. I'm not worthy.

*****

There's other examples I wanted to share, but I'm tired and need to go to bed. Nevertheless, writing this blog made me think - a lot of things pass us by in our everyday lives, without us giving a second thought to it. I can only wonder how many precious experiences I've overlooked throughout my life, that I didn't happen to save a remnant of. Are those lost forever?

I think sometimes, all it takes is for us to give ourselves a few moments to slow down. We need to more fully appreciate some parts of life that are unfortunately, too easy to just skate right by.