Daily Illini

For any of the fellow Illinois alumni like me, I recommend that you add http://www.dailyillini.com to your list of bookmarks, if you didn't know about it already. I didn't know this site existed until a few days ago (or maybe I did know at one time, and forgot about it), but I'm glad I found it.

One of the things I miss most about college is grabbing a DI on the way to class and using it to pass the time during a boring lecture. Or picking up someone's leftover DI at the Union during lunch, and reading it while enjoying some Rice Garden Teriyaki Chicken.

Reading through the all the DI stories through the web almost makes me feel like I'm back at school. The student editorials are an especially refreshing reminder of what life was like back then, and the local stories on campus news seem so familiar to me. I really miss those days.

Maybe it's just my imagination, but it seems like the world around us got a lot uglier and meaner since we left college. Back in the bubble of Champaign-Urbana, it seemed like the biggest things people worried about were getting rid of the Chief, construction on Green St., and curbing underage drinking. Now, all we ever hear about is wars, terrorism, and scandals.

I know, 9/11 happened while we were at school, but it seemed like an isolated incident at the time, not the norm. Today, it's almost like we expect to hear about people dying in Iraq every day, trains blowing up, snipers, anthrax and ricin, SARS, mad cow disease, just one thing after another. Even Martha Stewart, of all people, is getting convicted and being sentenced to jail. Then in the sports world, it's no longer all about the games, the scores, and the fans. It's about shady recruiting for college football, steroids, Kobe Bryant's rape trial, and contract disputes.

Didn't mean to get on the soapbox, but I guess what I'm saying is, the nice thing about visiting dailyillini.com is that it kind of takes me back to those "good old days". Maybe the world really was this mean and ugly all along, except that I was just ignorant until I left college. I honestly don't know.

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Urinal Stance Discussion

It's been discussed before, but the subject of urinal stances in the men's room continues to fascinate me. (By the way, girls should probably skip this section). Throughout my years of using public bathrooms, I've gotten to see pretty much all the various styles that people use. Books could probably be written on the different ones out there, the advantages/disadvantages of each one, variations and nuances, etc. But for brevity's sake, I'll just briefly mention the major ones here with a quick description.

For starters, you got the standard two-hand position, which offers maximum control and happens to be my personal choice. I call it the "Luke Skywalker", since you're kind of holding it like a lightsaber. Then there's what I call the "Alanis Morissette", where you have one hand in your pocket and the other one is playing the piano, flashing the peace sign, and hailing a taxicab. Another stance is the "Titanic", where you put one hand on the wall, reminiscent of the scene when Leo made love to Rose and all you see is her one hand against the steamy window.

The ones I don't understand are the "look Ma, no hands" stances. I've seen people put both hands against the wall (the "Prison Rape" stance), or both hands on the waist (the "Connaughton", a name which will only make sense to a couple people I went to high school with), and these positions make me cringe to think about how sloppy things can get. You need a steadying force in there somewhere, you know?

Well, just when you think you've seen everything, that's when something new comes along and forces you to open your mind to more possibilities. And sure enough, earlier today I saw a new one. I walked into the bathroom and saw a guy reading a book with his left hand while doing his business. Now, I know a lot of people read when they've got #2 to take care of, but that's when you're in there for more than a couple minutes. It just seems funny that the guy couldn't put down his book for like 45 seconds to concentrate on his work.

Now, even for #2's, I don't like to bring any reading material, but I definitely can't see myself ever being so into my reading that I would take it with me to the urinal. First of all, like I said before, I like the two-handed technique because it affords the best overall control and also lets me pretend like I'm a Jedi. But perhaps more importantly, I strongly believe in keeping your eyes on the target to make sure things don't get crazy. Ok fine, I'll admit it, I like to spell out my name on the urinal wall too. Don't tell anybody.

Anyways, I'm not sure what else is out there, as far as new positions or improvements go. But I think one thing I've learned by now is that nothing should surprise me anymore. The ingenuity of man never ceases to amaze, and apparently the spirit of innovation is alive and well in the wild and wacky world of urinal stances.