Scented Extra Soft Kleenex With Lotion

In an earlier blog, I wrote how some of the good things about girls are candles and exfoliating hand soap. Well, one thing this does not apply to is Kleenex. I am sick and tired of having to use a tissue to wipe up some spilled orange juice and coming away with my hands smelling like flowers. I also do not like my entire face to feel lotion-ey and soft after I blow my nose. Whatever happened to the good old days, when all the skin around my nasal area would start to peel and turn red after a couple days of blowing my nose due to a cold? I miss those days. When you have a cold, you are supposed to suffer. Your nose should not be in any mood to be pampered.

Kleenex is supposed to be a happy medium between paper towels and toilet paper. Ok, it could be softer than both of those, but the idea is that TP is supposed to be so fragile that it virtually dissolves in water when you flush so as to avoid cloggage of your toilet. Paper towels are meant to clean up moderately large spills, tough enough to soak up plenty of liquid without breaking. Meanwhile, the point of Kleenex is to give you something that is decently strong but small and thin enough to use in more delicate situations.

Delicate, to a point. These things are still disposable, mind you. I don't need to feel like the Queen of England whenever I need to wipe some blood off a paper cut or perhaps a knife wound following an unfortunate watermelon cutting incident. It's like paper plates, you know how Chinet always brags about their plates being so tough and lasting? Well, for something that people use once and throw away, I don't need to spend the unneccessary extra cash for luxury disposable plates. I might as well get me some real china, or reusable plastic plates for that matter. As for Kleenex, any type of lotion or extra softness agents are purely uneccessary for people like me (as well as the rest of the non-princess population wandering around out there in this country).

I was washing the lenses of my glasses earlier, and since drying them with a towel usually leaves streaks, I decided to try using a tissue. Man, I would have been better off using that towel, or maybe the fur of my friend's cat who sheds like a mofo. I had to wash the glasses over again right after that Kleenex left a layer of oily and fuzzy crap on the surface which I could not hope to ever see through. Now I am afraid to wipe off some dust off my clock radio using a Kleenex, in the fear that it might turn oily and nasty in the process.

All I'm really asking for is a simple tissue that is cheap, a little bit soft, and durable enough for certain mundane uses. Girls got props for candles and exfoliating soap, but lotioned Kleenex with extra fuzz for added annoyance is going too far, even for an enlightened man like me.