Bears Rule

Watching the Bears game today was just about as miserable as being kicked in the nuts by a really ugly girl. Ok, so I don't know what the difference is between being kicked by an ugly or pretty girl, but whatever. I just can't believe that week after week, I continue to stupidly tune in to watch their crap and have three and a half hours of my life mercilessly ripped away.

In case you missed it, Bears built a 21 point lead in the 3rd quarter against the Patriots, only to end up losing their 7th straight game this season. It was pretty bad, I would have rather watched them get blown out 41-0 instead of making me feel like they might possibly win, then choke at the end.

So there I am, having watched about two and a half quarters of some pretty impressive Bears play that made me think we might actually win this game. We're up 27-6 in the 3rd quarter, our defense looks solid, and John Shoop is actually showing off plays designed to gain more than 5 yards on offense. Of course, my enthusiasm was somewhat tempered by the voice in the back of my head saying "hold on a second, let's not forget that we suck." That, and the stupid announcer guy kept reminding viewers "don't count out the Patriots, there's plenty of time left!" I swear, if he said "there's one way for them to come back: one play, one first down, and one touchdown at a time" another time, I was going to take a bat to the TV set. Someone who thinks such a dumb cliche thing to say is cool enough to mention 4 or 5 times in one broadcast does not belong in the booth.

Anyways, at that point I was basically just waiting to see the Bears find a way to give the game away. First drive, they basically let the Pats march downfield with no resistance. I think I saw Tom Brady dump off about 6 short passes to the same part of the field on that drive. It's like our defense was saying "here's 7 to 10 yards for you, we don't want it." I don't even like a team playing prevent-style defense late in the 4th quarter, let alone halfway through the 3rd, but that's pretty much what they did. Result, Touchdown New England, 27-13 Bears.

So then the Bears get the ball back, and no more than 2 or 3 plays later, Jim Miller throws a pick. It wasn't one of those fluke interceptions either, where the ball is tipped, or like when you lob a hail mary. This one was pretty much delivered straight into the other team's hands, like well short of the intended receiver. I don't know if it's because of his severe elbow tendinitis, but if it is, I don't know why in the world he is in the game if he can't throw right. At least don't call a passing play then, or better yet, put in Marty Booker at quarterback, he seems to throw rather well (more on this later). Anyways, defense actually holds for 3 plays but the offense basically just handed out field position like nobody's business. Result, field goal, 27-16.

Next Bears drive, 3 and out. No big surprise there. Punt, then defense goes back to giving up short passes so that the Pats can march down the field again. This time, they tighten it up in the red zone and prevent a touchdown. But still letting up 3 points with relatively little fight is not good. 27-19.

By this time, I'm pretty pissed because the Bears look content in just putzing around the rest of the game and hoping that 27 points will be enough to win. But on the next kickoff, we get a big return, followed by a short conservative drive. Of course, we don't reach the end zone, heaven forbid, but a field goal, we'll take it. 30-19.

With a little momentum back on our side, it seemed like we might win after all. But the next drive is what really puzzled me. The Bears defense plays conservative, prevent-style in the 3rd quarter and early 4th, then on a critical 3rd and 4 late in the final quarter, they decide to blitz 3 guys and leave the secondary wide open for a 36 yard touchdown pass. Way to go, idiots. Yay, we're gonna send in all our guys and not even touch the quarterback.

One thing that might have seemed good on that drive was stopping the 2-pt conversion. But honestly, I think we would've been better off giving them that so later on the Pats would maybe be content to tie with a field goal instead of being forced to win on a touchdown (which they eventually did, of course). Twisted logic, but when you are a Bears fan, that's what happens. At this time, it's 30-25, time to really start worrying.

Of course, Bears get the ball back, and did we actually think they would be able to run out the clock? Hizells no. 1st and 10, A-train gets 9 to set up 2nd and short. Looks good so far, but the next two plays they try to go up the middle twice, and get stuffed twice. Can we be a little more predictable please? I can't stand it when you see the defense loading up everyone in the box, and you still try to punch it through, knowing that there is almost no space there to begin with.

Just over 2 minutes left in the game, Bears punt, and New England gets the ball at almost midfield. I'm really just waiting for this disaster to unfold. I know it's gonna happen, only a matter of time. Except that they couldn't just lose, they had to piss me off some more before doing so. After a couple plays, the Brady Bunch reaches the 30 or so, then the gayness ensued. Bryan Robinson had what looked like an interception, which would have locked up the game for the Bears. Time to celebrate, eh? Unfortunately, for some reason he decided to start running before he had the ball, and after reviewing the play on tape, the refs declared it was just an incomplete pass. He never had full control of the ball. Now, I don't really understand why the guy feels like he needs to try and return this interception given the game situation, instead of just securing the ball where he was, but hey, this is Bryan Robinson we're talking about, so we can't be too surprised.

Alright, so Tom Brady gets a second chance, and a few plays later, David Patten finds single coverage and schools Todd McMillon for the game winning touchdown. 33-30 Patriots. Yeah, there's still 20 some seconds left for the Bears to come back. Right.... First, we have tendinitis elbow at quarterback. And second, we like to let 10 seconds run off the clock before calling timeout. It's more fun and exciting like that. Nope, no comeback, did you really think there would be one?

So basically, this was the most infuriating game I have watched in a long time, and that's saying a lot because here in Chicago I get to watch the White Sox and Bulls putz around a lot too. The one nice play the Bears had was the trick play when Marty Booker threw a touchdown to Marcus Robinson. Even that, I couldn't really celebrate because I am probably gonna lose my fantasy game because of that fricking play. Or maybe it won't end up being that close, then I won't feel so bad.

Missy Works It

Has anyone heard the remix of that song, Missy Elliot's "Work It" when she does a verse promoting the radio station it is being played on? She goes something like "This is a power 92 exclusive... Is it worth it, lemme work it, cause 92.3 will serve it... it's yer adlkjgsflkj eiughdn dkjwnvkd, it's yer welknv dnewkng nwkngne..."

Well, I have heard this on 3 different stations so far here in the Chicagoland area. Isn't the word "exclusive" supposed to mean something?