Older People

In my sister's b-day card, I wrote to her something like "enjoy your 21st, because after that, you won't really feel happy turning older anymore". Which was basically along the lines of what I was feeling after my 22nd and 23rd birthdays, and I think I wrote a couple blog entries saying as much too.

But I think my view of getting older has been changing for the better. Well, I still dread the day I turn 30 and become a "thirty-something", in my "thirties" (it just sounds old). In terms of actually getting old, though, I guess I don't fear being 30 or 40, as much as I fear reaching that age without having made anything out of my life. It's one thing to be old, but to be old, unhappy, and unsatisfied with where you are, and what you've accomplished, is infinitely worse.

A side benefit of my sister's birthday, if you can call it that, was getting to spend some time with my mom, dad, and grandparents as we all went to dinner. I'm at the age when I wouldn't really be able to stand being around them all the time. But it's definitely worthwhile and rewarding to see them and talk to them now and then.

Anyways, as I sat at the table with the two older generations of the Chen family that came before me, I was really struck by how young and insignificant my life is in comparison to all of theirs. To me, 23 years seems like a long time. But my mom and dad are more than twice as old, and my grandparents are more than three times as old. Not only have they walked this earth that much longer than me, but they have made their time count and have much to show for it.

My grandparents basically moved from China to Taiwan at around my age or even younger. No college education, no money or parents' roof to live under, just completely on their own and having to work for every single thing they had, from the ground up. My mom and dad moved from Taiwan to Chicago around my age. Dad went to grad school, lived across from the ghettos on S. King Drive, got his first job for about $20,000 at the Chicago Board of Trade with an MBA degree.

So none of them had half the opportunities I had, yet look at them now. Years later, my grandparents are successfully retired, with plenty in savings, and 6 children who are all pretty successful and are happy to take care of them. My mom and dad started out in those rough years, but they have a lot to be proud of too. If nothing else, they can take heart in knowing they raised a fantastic son like me, and to a lesser extent, having a decent daughter like my sister (haha just kidding meh).

Then there's the older people at work. You'd think that it would suck to be around 40-50 year olds all the time, but it's not really the case. Sure, it's weird to hear them talk about taking their kids to soccer, remodeling their house, or seeing the Mothers Day gifts their sons made in kindergarten in their offices. I'm still way too young for any of that. But to be honest, a part of me really envies them. I think that's what I'd want my life to be like (except probably in 10-15 years or so).

It's really interesting and enlightening to talk to the "veterans" of the company too. I love hearing all of them talk about the days when they were working on the B-2 Bomber, back when it was a "Black" program and they weren't allowed to discuss it with anyone or even tell people they were on it. I mean, here I am, having worked 7 months at the company, and already been on 3 different projects. There's people who have been here for over 30 years, and it blows my mind to think about how much they must have been through and accomplished in that time. My boss has been here ever since the building was built, and he's had the same parking spot this whole time.

But instead of seeing them as aging and past their prime, more and more I look up to these people and want to follow their footsteps. It still sounds better to stay young and never get old, but, as my dad tells me, "Youth is wasted on the young" (he is full of those kinds of quotes). So being young is fun, but in the end, what do you have to show for it? It's not until you get older that you start to understand the bigger picture of life, and how the world works and everything. We aren't born with the understanding of the true magnitude of value in our youth, and the opportunities this time presents us. I know I didn't make the most of it.

And I guess those of us (including me) who keep thinking about how much it sucks to be getting older, maybe we shouldn't? Or at least maybe ask ourselves why it is that we want to stay young. Is it because we never want to give up the days of being out late and eating unhealthy without consequence? Because the working life, family life, seems so unglamourous in comparison to college and high school? Well, I think what I should really be worried about, when it comes to getting older, is wasting my chance to do something meaningful with my life.

See, I'm not really that bothered when I see a 30-40 year old, even when they might be losing some hair, getting a potbelly, etc. Actually, both my parents are almost 50, and they are in pretty good shape, so I don't worry too much. What I'm saying is, I see most older people simply as people who are older. I don't expect to be friends with them, but I still respect them and stuff.

It's when I see the "thirty-somethings" out partying in the clubs on the weekend when it starts to be more of an issue with me. Like, I wonder what are they doing here, trying to pick up younger chicks who don't know any better? Shouldn't they be doing something else with their life? I think some of us see that older guy and think, man, it's gonna suck to be thirty-something cause then I'll be that old guy in the club who doesn't belong. But look at it another way: I hope that when I'm that age, I won't have any desire to be that guy. In fact, I expect that by then, I'll want to be settled down, married, taking care of kids and moving ahead in my career, so it's not relevant at all. Who cares if I'm at the age when I would look retarded being at the club, I'm not gonna want to be there anyways.

And the reality, at least I hope, is that at some point along the way, we change, we get older not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well. Right now, I guess it's not clear where we should be. The only words that can sum up my thoughts come from one of the true visionary artists of our generation. I offer you her words:

I'm not a girl
not yet a woman
All I need is time
a moment that is mine
while I'm in between
I'm not a girl