How To Tell Where The Asians Live On Your Block
*Look for the houses that have no Christmas decorations in season*
Seriously, of all the Asian families that I know, pretty much none of them put up any sort of Christmas lights or anything during the holiday season. If you take a quick peek down my block, you will find that this rule holds as well. I'm thinking that if there happened to be a modern day Passover, or if Hitler and the Nazis returned and decided to wipe out Asians this time, they could use this knowledge to their advantage.
Meanwhile, white households not only put stuff up for Christmas, but I also typically see stuff put up for Halloween, Easter, and St. Patrick's Day by my neighbors. There are even a couple people around in my subdivision who have installed a little thing that projects an image onto their garage or siding. Depending on what time of the year it is, it changes from one lighting theme to another, like a red-white-blue background with an American flag for July 4th, or a Turkey in a Pilgrim hat for Thanksgiving.
By far, the dumbest theme I've seen is one for Valentine's Day (I think it was a heart with an arrow through it). Not so much because an arrow through a heart is dumb, no. But do we really need to light up our house in order to celebrate this Hallmark occasion? Isn't it enough that for the sake of Valentine's Day, men gotta make dinner plans months in advance so they can squeeze into some gay restaurant on its busiest day of the year? Or that jewelry stores and chocolate makers reap ungodly profits from this one made-up holiday by raping unsuspecting whipped men over the coals and taking their hard-earned money?
They drill this holiday into us at a young age too. And even back then, I think only the girls liked making Valentines anyways. I just gave out Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Valentines every year. See, I was a playa like that since grade school, all the ladies loved my TMNT biz.
From what I remember, those Valentine candies sucked too. You know, the little hearts that say "Be Mine" or "URA QT"? Just terrible. Maybe that is why I have a bad taste in my mouth when it comes to this day.
Not that I'm bitter or anything. But if I ever meet the person who invented Valentine's day, I'm gonna give him the frowning of a lifetime. Anyways, when all is said and done, I end up doing something for Olivia on V-day one way or another. Even though I always remind her: It's not what I do on Valentine's Day that counts, it's the other 364 days of the year. And yes, I am a good boyfriend all year round. Just ask her.
