Longest Voicemail Ever

A few days ago, I got the longest voicemail of my life. Apparently it was left by a bunch of my idiot friends using someone's conference call feature and then deciding to have an entire conversation with each other while on my voicemail. I deleted it right away, so I'm probably forgetting a lot of the message, but the following should be enough to give everyone the gist of how retarded some of my friends are.

You have 1 unheard voice message. To play your message press 1
[I press 1]
Will: Dudo...
Andy: Dudo....
Shubes: Dudo...
John: Dudo....
Will: We're going to Dakota's in Schaumburg, meet us there
Andy: Yeah meet us there you lil bitch
Will: We got a special appearance by your old friend Peepo tonight
John: And Barbario might be there
Shubes: Oh wait, isn't he playing cards at Dave's tonight
Andy: Should we go play cards first then and go to Dakotas after?
Will: No, I'm not gonna play cards tonight
Shubes: Why not?
Will: I only like cards on Thursday, people drink on Thursday
Andy: Ok no cards then, lets just meet in Schaumburg
Will: Alright whose house should we meet at
Andy: Who has a bigger driveway?
John: I don't know
[about a minute's worth of arguing about driveways]
Andy: Jim are you even coming out?
Shubes: I don't know yet, I gotta do taxes
Andy: Man, just have your mom do your taxes for you
Will: No just go to [some tax website], it's free
Shubes: Nah man, just call me later, I'll come out if I can get my taxes done
Andy: Shibby. You pussy...
[another minute of Andy trying to convince Shubes to come out]
Will: Yo we're still on Dudo's voicemail
Andy: Hahaha oh yeah... I think we should go to Dave's first, then it'll be easier to get Dudo to go out
Will: I don't wanna play cards yo
Andy: Why not you shibby
Will: I told you, nobody drinks unless it's Thursday night
[another minute of mindless arguing amongst themselves]
Andy: Haha we're still recording on Dudo's voicemail
Shubes: How long has it been
Andy: Like 5 minutes
Will: So what we doing?
Andy: Let's just go to Dakota's, where we meeting at?
[voicemail finally cuts off]
To delete this message, press 7
[fastest pressing of 7 I've ever done for any voicemail]

I look at my phone, time of call was 5:33. I still can't believe I listened through a 5 minute long voicemail.

*****

Since everyone else has been quoting Chappelle, I'll throw in my favorite from the Wayne Brady episode: "Ohhh no, no, noooo.... is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?"

Haha.... hilarious.

*****

I almost let myself believe that maybe this year, Billy Krotch would not suck. Sure didn't take him long to blow up, that's all I can say. Thankfully we came back to win that game, bless Joe Crede and his crappy skills. And as I'm typing this blog, Magglio just jacked one to give my beloved White Sox their second straight last-at-bat victory. I LOVE BASEBALL