It was Olivia's bday on Friday and I have a couple people to thank for helping me out. First, thanks to Vira for going with me to get her gift a few weeks ago. I hate shopping alone and I have bad taste in picking out stuff so I appreciate it a lot. Second, thanks to Dennis for consulting his local "food people connections" to recommend a restaurant. We ended up going to Chicago Prime Steakhouse in Schaumburg and it was pretty good, I'd recommend it to anyone who likes steak. The filet mignon (Olivia's order) seemed to be a little better than the prime (mine), but both were satisfying.
Anyways, I told Olivia that she should be nice to all of my friends, if for no other reason than the fact that they are the ones who end up choosing what she gets for her birthdays, Christmas, etc., and stuff like that.
I was listening to the radio one time and someone was saying that guys should never get on their girlfriend's friends' bad sides. Because, when she goes out with her friends, they are the ones who will either keep her in check and loyal to you, or encourage her to dance and flirt with other guys. I guess I never thought about it much in that way, but it seems to make sense. Note to self: don't piss off girlfriend's friends.
Happy birthday wishes also go to Piya, Linda, and anyone else I might be missing. Dang, we're all getting so old. People buying houses and getting married and everything.
I think the best meal I have ever had (hopefully my mom doesn't read my blog) was a couple months ago at Bob Chinn's, with a steak and crab leg combo. The main reason it was so good is because I was so hungry beforehand, and it filled me up to the point where I was full enough, but not miserable, Yen-ching buffet style full.
For Halloween, I bought a couple bags of candy to give out to trick-or-treaters. Only about 2 groups of kids came to trick-or-treat at the townhouse, so if anyone likes Nerds or Butterfinger BB's, come on out to Palatine and get some. I'll even give you two, if you have a cool costume.
My brain is especially scattered on this Monday morning, hence the preceding part of this blog was not very good or organized. I'm gonna post something I wrote in more clear-headed moments, a collection of my major thoughts on friendship. It's an important subject, of course, as there are few things more valuable in life than having good friends. I started writing down these things a long time ago, and then added stuff once in a while whenever I thought of something to add. I don't know that it captures all my thoughts completely, but I think it's about as close to complete as it will ever be, so here it is.
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Expectations Of Friends
I think one area of my life where I've always had low expectations is friends. Basically, as long as we have some things in common, can carry a good conversation and have a good time hanging out together, then I'll be more than happy to have you as a friend.
The fact is, I don't need my friends to buy me gifts or do stuff on my birthday. I don't expect them to listen to me talk about my problems and be supportive (I'm not a woman, anyways). I don't expect them to put me ahead of their girlfriends/boyfriends to chill with me all the time. If I see a friend every day, or once a year, I consider them a good friend either way.
If we go out to eat, and you shortchange me on the bill once in a while, I usually don't sweat it. If we go out a lot, and you never buy me a drink, that's fine too. If you leave the bar without saying bye to me, I won't cry. If you don't return my email, my voicemail, or ignore me on IM, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt 90% of the time. I rarely worry about the little things. And if you need a favor, I'll always try my best to be there to drive you to the airport, loan you $20, or help you move out, without ever expecting anything in return.
As I make myself sound like a god, I really have to say that overall, I don't think it's hard at all to be friends with me. I have pretty low expectations, and honestly, if you happen to exceed any of the things I mentioned above (as most of my friends do), I always appreciate it that much more, and I consider it a bonus. So I'd say that as a result, I've been happy with pretty much all of my friendships, past and present.
However, I can't say that I have no expectations of my friends at all. There are still things that do bother me, and I take them seriously. For example, if you act fake towards me, I'll spot it right away and it will annoy the hell out of me. There's not a lot of things I hate more than people who aren't real with themselves and with me. The way I see it, a fake smile is worse than no smile at all. An insincere handshake is so insulting. And acting one way in front of some people, and a completely different way in front of others, that's pretty shady too.
If you talk behind my back, or talk about my friends behind their backs, tread carefully. The thing is, I can actually tolerate a little of that stuff, to some point. It's understood that everyone likes to spread some harmless gossip or complain about their friends once in a while, even though I try to avoid doing that stuff myself. But there is a line between what is harmless and what is not. If you let the unnecessary talking get out of hand, you
will lose me as a friend.
If you have a problem with me, you should just tell it to my face. If it's unresolvable and we can't be friends, then the friendship wasn't worth it anyways. I'd rather have no friend at all, than one who just acts like they are my friend. Don't be a pussy and only talk smack to other people, what is that supposed to accomplish?
If I happen to "diss" you for whatever reason when you ask me to hang out, don't give me a hard time about it. That's just annoying. Because I don't make you feel bad when you tell me "no". Like I said before, I wouldn't take it personally if you chose to hang out with your gf/bf instead of me, or had other plans already. Or if you were too tired to do anything. Or you were just in a bad mood. Or it was just inconvenient. So what right do you have to get pissy if it was me in those situations? The answer is: none whatsoever.
If you are extremely selfish and/or self-centered, I can only handle that kind of attitude to a certain point. When you turn every little thing into a huge drama, you need to chill and get over yourself. It's time to realize that no, the world does not revolve around you and it's stupid to take every single thing personally. When something doesn't go your way, it doesn't mean the world is against you.
That's all I can think of for now. I'm not directing these thoughts to any one individual. Hopefully no one gets "med-student syndrome" and automatically starts thinking that all these things apply to them. It's mainly a collection of thoughts I've gathered from either personal experience or observing other people's lives. Mostly, I wanted to think seriously for a moment about what is important to me in friendships and what is not, and write it down somewhere.
And I know I'm not a perfect friend myself, but if anyone spots any of these things in me, do let me know so I can try to change. Because anything I expect out of my friends, I should expect just as much out of myself, if not more. And really, that's all I ask of people. Hold yourself to the same set of standards that you hold others to, stricter if at all possible. The world would be such a nicer, friendlier place if people could just do that.
