Why I Hate Dave Chan

Every year, there are 2 or 3 weeks during which everything else I am doing comes to a halt and my entire focus shifts to one thing: fantasy football. This is one of those weeks. What makes this week any different from any other? Because my beloved fantasy football team is going up against the most hated franchise of all time, the one owned by Dave.

If you have not been in our league these past few years, it will be hard for you to imagine why I harbor so much hatred for one guy and his silly fantasy bunch. Well, here is some history:

I think my first ever game in the McNown league was a matchup against Dave. I don't remember much of anything that happened that entire season, but this game sticks in my mind because of just how painful it was. Having drafted what I thought was a pretty good team, I went into this game pretty confident, and early Sunday I was feeling even better since my TE, some unknown guy named Itula Mili, scored a touchdown. Unless you have Tony Gonzalez, pretty much any production from the TE spot is a huge bonus. So anyways, I'm happily watching football and enjoying the day, when I realize that my kicker, Mike Hollis, is injured. An ominous sign, but no biggie. This, however, would be followed by a worse sign: his tight end, some schmoe named Jackie Harris, scored a touchdown too. This made me mad, but I didn't panic. It couldn't come down to something as little as this, right? Well, it did. The next day, our scores were tied. Since I am the luckiest fantasy player in the world, the tiebreaker happened to be point total for each team's Kicker. So I lost.

Big deal, you might say, but you don't understand. Dave is one of those guys who seems like a nice guy, but he talks so much smack it's unbelievable. You don't ever, ever, ever want to lose to a guy like Dave because he he will rub it in more than you thought was possible. Believe me, after playing plenty of video games against that kid, I can say that there is not a single person you should fear losing to more than that guy. So the Jackie Harris thing is something that I will never ever forget.

Which brings me to the next season. (If you were wondering what happened in season 1, I lost the other 2 meetings to Dave too). My team didn't have to face Dave until week 6 or 7. At this time, I was coming off a huge emotional victory against first-place Kansas (Piya's team), finding myself perched atop the league with the most feared roster for the first time in my life - QB Donovan McNabb, WR Marvin Harrison, Jimmy Smith, RB LaDanian Tomlinson, Corey Dillon, and Eddie George. Dave's team, meanwhile, was a struggling team on which not a single player was worth mentioning. He was so scared that he changed his team name to from "Joe's Mamas" to "Joe's Bitches" not thinking that there was a chance in the world he could win this game.

Well, it turns out that his team played the game of its life to beat mine, and after that week, my team reeled off 10 or 11 straight losses to finish the season. Needless to say, I did not win the league that year and there was much smack-talking I heard from his punkass afterwards.

Anyways, fast forward to this year. After years consisting of many matchups against his team, no matter in what situation, I have NEVER won against Dave. That is one of the things he likes to brag about the most every time I see him (which isn't often anymore, but still gets under my skin). I don't understand why I always lose, but I do. He is like Michigan to my Ohio State, except I am owned in such a lopsided way that it isn't even funny anymore.

Could this week be the week? Only time will tell. I can only have my delicate little heart broken so many times before it dies completely.

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