And the DBA goes to...

I am sure everyone is dying with anticipation to find out who the winners of this edition of DBAs are. Well, wait no longer. The red carpet has been rolled out and the awards are about to be given. Read on.
(For the nominees, read my 9/05/02 blog).

*Best New Artist*
[-|-] And the DBA goes to ... Ashanti [-|-]
The field this year was sparse in the "Best New Artist" area, as only three artists were nominated for this category. In the end, the sweet-sounding voice of R&B newcomer Ashanti won over the DBA voters, despite her affiliation with the God-awful Murder Inc.and Ja Rule songs. She would also be much better off collaborating with Skinny Joe (that's me) instead of Fat Joe, but too bad I can't rap. Avril Lavigne, while extremely popular with the younger audience after "Complicated," has failed to captivate the respect of the serious music listener crowd as of yet. Meanwhile, John Mayer, when asked about losing the award to Ashanti, was quoted as saying "I don't give a crap, those DBAs are for losers." Bad attitude, John, bad attitude. That's probably why he didn't win.

*Best New Blog*
[-|-] And the DBA goes to ... mcpheenys [-|-]
In choosing a winner for this category, two main factors were considered: quantity and quality of blogs. Many new bloggers had put up some excellent entries, but were eliminated early on from voting by failing to update for weeks at a time. In general, the quality of all blogs read by DBA exectives were good; however, the eventual nominees demonstrated outstanding creativity/humor/insight that set them apart from others. The trivia question format pioneered by stork0262, combined with regular gems of his dry wit is a prime example of good original bloggage. Cindychen has also produced some very insightful and well thought out blogs, though critics have complained that her family ties to DBA big cheese Joe Chen were the real reason for her nomination over other deserving blogs, such as parnstar, swkisaragi, or WillCheng Xanga, rather than achieving the nomination of her own merit. Meanwhile, ontic08 broke into the blog world with a flash and has demonstrated potential for greatness but perhaps lost out to more established, longstanding bloggers. As for the winner, few readers of mcpheenys log in the past few months have failed to come away from each entry feeling either utterly confused or thinking, "this kid is one strange character." And yet, the voters at DBA offices could not help but become addicted to reading this blog, featuring perhaps the dryest humor of them all. With the Best New Blog DBA, we salute mcpheenys and beg him to keep them coming.

*Gayest Song*
[-|-] And the DBA goes to ... Enrique Iglesias for "Escape" [-|-]
Four songs were nominated, but one thing was almost certain - Enfreakay was going to win this category one way or another. With an unusual two nominations in the same category given to Iglesias, there was little reason for either Justin Timberlake or Dashboard Confessional to even show up to the awards ceremony, held at the Walgreens by 75th and Lemont. Ultimately, it was "Escape" that got the award over "Hero," by proving to listeners worldwide that they could run, they could hide, but they can't escape that song. A side controversy involved the nomination of Timberlake's "Like I Love You," as many felt it did not actually qualify as an actual song and thus could not be considered "Gayest Song." Yet, the fact that it still got nominated despite this and that that it was released only a couple weeks ago shows that the ongoing rivalry between Timberlake and DBA head Chen is still alive and kicking, with much animosity running between the two.

*Most Overplayed*
[-|-] And the DBA goes to ... Chad Kroeger f. Josey Scott - Hero [-|-]
Competition was stiff in this category, as all nominees successfully flooded the airwaves to the point of causing listeners to want to punch through a wall the next time they heard each song. Nelly's "Hot in Herre" was everywhere, although "Dilemma" could have just as easily been nominated. The eventual winner, "Hero," was picked over the others because it absolutely dominated every single station for a couple months as well as being the title theme to the movie "Spiderman," the WB show "Smallville," and the Houston Rockets Yao Ming Promo. Many still shudder to hear echoes of that song "... and they say that a hero could save us, I'm not gonna stand here and waaiiiiiiiiiiiiit...."

*Best Song*
[-|-] And the DBA goes to ... Linkin Park - Papercut [-|-]
As hotly contested as the "Most Overplayed" category was, there were no clear cut favorite for the "Best Song" award. Hip-hop and R&B failed to make the list of nominees entirely, which was instead dominated by Alternative music. Sadly, Avril Lavigne's "Complicated" was never a real threat to win the award mainly because of radio overdose. Lavigne would eventually come away from the DBAs emptyhanded after receiving three nominations, with an angry but nevertheless cute look on her face. "Papercut" was highly underrated and did not suffer from being overplayed as much as the other songs. Mike Shinoda, accepting for the winners Linkin Park had the following words to say: "Much thanks for this awesome award, I've waited my whole life to get a DBA. I feel sorry for poor little Avril though. She tried so hard, and got so far ... but in the end, it didn't even matter."

*Ugliest Celebrity*
[-|-] And the DBA goes to ... That large skater-looking kid [-|-]
Many more nominations could have been handed out for this category, but ultimately it was decided that having six uglies show up at the ceremony was about all the people would be able to stomach. A somewhat surprising nominee was Christina Aguilera, but apparently "skankiest" and "ugliest" were treated synonymously by DBA executives. That large skater-looking kid won the award over Aguilera as well as tall awkard-looking athletes Yao Ming and Randy Johnson, mean Ebeneezer Scrooge-type Bud Selig, and she-man Venus Williams, even though teenage rocker girls flooded the DBA online voting to argue that he was "cute." Insiders also report that Venus originally was to receive the award, but fears that her nazi father Richard Williams would storm the after-party with a machine gun and fire wildly in retaliation eventually pushed the award into the hands of MTV punk/rock/skater kid.

*Favorite Fantasy Baseball Player*
[-|-] And the DBA goes to ... Alex Rodriguez [-|-]
Mussina had the loyalty factor, Soriano had the hotshot young Dominican edge, Bonds had the chasing history attention, and Johan Santana the unexpected success advantage. But none could compare to A-Rod, who is flat out awesome. As a shortstop, he leads the entire league in HR and RBI, that's including Bonds or Sosa. He hits well above .300 as a legitimate power hitter but bats close to .400 with runners in scoring position. Just imagine if he was on a good team, and with actual table setters ahead of him in the lineup. All this, with a solid glove and at age 27. Although Santana was a sleeper favorite early on, he could not overcome the awesomeness of A-Rod in the end. There was simply no contest when it came to handing out this award. He is also the MVP in my book, forget the Tejada business.

*Fantasy Football 2002 Sleeper*
[-|-] And the DBA goes to ... Clinton Portis [-|-]
The definition of sleeper is a bit gray, but all of these nominees share the characteristic that none of them are Marshall Faulk, Kurt Warner, Terrell Owens, or Tony Gonzalez. While any owner would be foolish to draft these guys in the early rounds, taking a couple later on could prove to make or break their season. Ismail, Pittman, and Gardner all face new situations and opportunities, in the form of new teams and/or coaches, while Barlow is poised to take over the helms of aging Garrison Hearst, but Portis barely has a starting job at this point. Do the folks awarding the DBA know something the public doesn't? Maybe, maybe not, but if Portis can continue the line of success of Terrell Davis, Mike Anderson, and Olandis Gary in Mike Shanahan's system, he could put a fantasy team over the top and this is the reasoning behind giving him this year's award.

*Favorite Movie*
[-|-] And the DBA goes to ... Austin Powers 3 [-|-]
The nominations for "Favorite Movie" were not surprisingly dominated by summer releases. The only nomination that was not from the summer, Crossroads, failed to garner the award because even Britney Spears's star power and quality acting could not overcome silly dialogue and a severely weak supporting cast. Sad, because we were all rooting for Britney to get a DBA and this was her only nomination this year. Don't worry Britney, there's always next year. Also, she may be able to take certain comfort in knowing that her cameo in Austin Powers 3 did help boost the movie over the serious movies it was competing against. AP3 also benefited from the late summer release date of Blue Crush and the recent business of DBA head honcho Joe Chen's schedule. Everyone knows Chen is a big sucker for these movies aimed at teenagers with cheesy acting and a dumb plot. Had he seen Blue Crush, it may have had a chance to be nominated and win this category over Austin Powers. By the way, if anyone wants to go see it with him, he would be very appreciative because Olivia doesn't seem too thrilled about watching the movie and he doesn't want to sit in the theater by himself looking like some shady lonely freak. Maybe he should just wait a few more weeks when it will surely be out of the theaters and on DVD.

*Best Recent Album*
[-|-] And the DBA goes to ... Incubus - Morning View [-|-]
All four nominees in this category were deserving of the award, but since only one could win, Morning View was given the nod for its exceptional quality of work. The smooth sounds of Aaliyah, the addicting sound of Weezer, and the upbeat, hilariously entertaining, and hit-loaded Ludacris album were all great and the fact that they did not win shouldn't take anything away
from them.

*Best Meal*
[-|-] And the DBA goes to ... Jack's Frozen Sausage Pizza [-|-]
This category was loaded with great memories throughout this past summer, and of course their receiving nominations alone says plenty. Bob Chinn's, Spirit of Chicago, and the TM BBQ were all mentioned in past blogs which is an additional honor. Dennis's Mom's Restaurant was also great, with quality food, but the best part was being able to chill with some of my favorite people in the world. But I must say that when I am really hungry, there are very, very few things that can top a good old Jack's Frozen Sausage Pizza (original, not that rising crust garbage). I could write an entire long blog on that, but you are all spared for now. Suffice it to say that Jack's is more than deserving of a DBA.

*Best TV Show I Watch(ed)*
[-|-] And the DBA goes to ... Reruns of The Simpsons [-|-]
When you get right down to it, Simpsons in its heyday was the TV show of our generation. Even though now I only catch the reruns in syndication, it still beats any other show above. Friends might have challenged Simpsons as the best show of our time but Ross is such a homo. Baseball Tonight is great and has gotten better in the past couple years, but it wasn't better than the Simpsons by any stretch of the imagination. 106&Park is pretty good too, especially when they had Jin in the freestyle battles, but it's too bad that AJ is so annoying. PTI is a quality show, no doubt, but I can't watch too much of it or else it gets kind of repetitive. And Real World Chicago was only fun to watch so I could make fun of how dumb all of the people were. Kyle always wanted to "talk about it," Aneesa was nasty, Tonya was a hoe, and everyone else was a drama queen in one way or another. It seemed that ironically, the only person who didn't act that gay was Chris, the gay guy. But all this made for a very entertaining show to watch, I must admit.

*Best Website*
[-|-] And the DBA goes to ... ESPN Page 2 [-|-]
The best and most consistent source of entertainment on the web these days is ESPN Page 2, without question the most deserving of a DBA of the nominees. Yahoo! Euchre was once king of killing my time, but I no longer have the flexibility to play it during the day without interruption. CBS Baseball has been a great improvement and a better alternative to ESPN's scoreboard and GameCast, but there are other sites like it and it crashes occasionally. The Onion, while hilarious, is only updated once a week or so, unlike Page 2, which is updated every day. During this summer, I followed Page 2's Jim Caple's trek on I-90 across the country, read almost every one of The Sports Guy's commentary, and participated in the celebrity look-a-like game "Here's Looking At You" by submitting some good ones like Ernie Els/Conan O'Brien. Definitely a well done site and worthy of this prestigious award.

Well, that concludes this edition of the Dudo509 Blogspot Awards, otherwise known as "more proof that I have too much time on my hands." Thanks for tuning in. I haven't decided whether this will be a yearly thing, seasonal, or once in a blue moon deal. But doing this one took a lot of work so I am leaning towards less often over more often. Enjoy while you can.