As I'm sure everyone can attest to, weddings are one of the biggest parts of our culture, or probably just about any culture I'm aware of. Go to any bookstore or magazine stand, and you're sure to find a plethora of Bridal magazines with advice on planning the ceremony or choosing the perfect gown. We've all heard stories of "bride-zillas" who turn into psycho monsters leading up to the big day, or the families that do their part to add to the drama of the whole thing. The entire hoopla surrounding the wedding process is something that is well documented in popular movies, TV shows, and it's something that many of us have even experienced firsthand.
For me, I definitely got my share of these experiences in the past few months. If I were to do a word association with the prompt "Summer 2008", my first response, without skipping a beat, would be "weddings". Being the age that we are, I'm sure a lot of other people out there went to their share of weddings this year too, but the difference is, the ones I went to were way more special than yours. Haha, just kidding. But seriously, mine are more important (I just want to get the facts straight before I continue).
For me, the biggest wedding of this year was obviously that of my little sister. As I have shared in the past, me and my sis have had a very close and special relationship over the years, and it was a really emotional experience for me to see her take this step in her life. Emotional in a good way, for sure. I'm not (overly) ashamed to admit that I got teary-eyed more than once that day, especially during that part of the ceremony when I watched her hug my mom and dad.
Another big wedding I attended was for one of my best friends since high school (which happened to be the same weekend as my sister's wedding, in a lovely little twist of fate). If you had asked me a few years ago out of my closest circle of friends, Anuj was probably the last person I thought would get hitched, but he turned out to be the first of our group to "take the plunge". That being said, I couldn't be happier for the guy and it was awesome to see him and Hamsi finally tie the knot.
But one wedding experience I had this year that was new to me, was attending one where I did not know a single person there besides my date. Normally, I'm used to being at weddings where I'm surrounded by friends, which makes it much like a party/social type atmosphere. But in this case, I was on my own for much of the night, especially as she had bridesmaid duties to attend to throughout the festivities. As I said, it was very different than what I'm accustomed to, but it ended up not as painful or awkward as I might have expected.
In fact, being placed in this situation gave me a chance to sit back and observe more about the whole wedding "thing", for once as an unbiased third party. Without having people constantly coming up to me bugging me to drink with them or take pictures or whatever, I feel like I was able to gain a very different perspective on weddings in general. Combining that with all the other weddings I've attended as a close friend or family member of the couple, it really put me in a pensive mode on the subject of weddings in particular (hence the writing of this blog etnry).
It's often said that the wedding day is not for the groom, but all for the bride. I already mentioned the "bride-zilla" effect earlier and after all, every girl (supposedly) grows up dreaming up every detail of her wedding day - from the cut of her dress to the color of the napkins, so it will inevitably mean so much more to her than to anyone else.
But after giving it some more thought, I would argue that the day is not truly about the bride, either. While most of the focus is on the bride, I believe that a wedding is most of all about the friends and loved ones of the couple who are there to take part the celebration. Though it is the bride and groom that are being celebrated, I really feel that the true meaning of the day lies in the fact that they are sharing their celebration with those they have built close relationships with over the years.
Recently, I watched a movie where the 2 main characters were discussing about what their favorite part of each wedding is, and it got me thinking hard about the subject. There's obviously a lot to choose from - some people love to see the first kiss, others look forward to the moment when the father walks the bride down the aisle, and still others find the most meaning in the first dance.
But for me, the part I look forward to the most is hearing the toasts/speeches that are given to the bride and groom at the reception. Maybe I'm kind of demented like that, but I honestly love that part more than any of the other stuff I mentioned. Actually, I think this thought first occurred to me when I watched Julia Roberts give her toast in My Best Friend's Wedding (a movie that seems to grow on me more and more each time I watch it, and once again I'm not ashamed to admit that!). I don't know, it just struck me as a particularly climactic moment of that movie, and got me pondering about why it stuck out to me so much.
As anyone who has been to their share of wedding receptions could attest to, these toasts can sometimes be awkward or just a flat out disaster. I mean, when you have "normal" people with no experience speaking in public, getting in front of a crowd on a day when everyone is hyped up on emotions and alcohol, what else do you expect? In past weddings I have been to, I have seen the father of the bride ramble on incoherently for what seems like an eternity, while the rest of the room has no idea what he is even talking about. I have seen the best man completely embarrass the groom with inappropriate stories from their past, and I have also seen the maid of honor barely squeak out 3 words before she breaks out in tears, as the rest of the room smiles nervously.
Fortunately, I have also seen some really great toasts too, over the years. The best man at my sister's wedding, for example, had everyone at the reception rolling in laughter, which is no small accomplishment when you consider the wide range of ages and cultures present. There have also been some really memorable toasts where the person gave such amazing advice to the couple, or offered a particularly striking quote or Bible verse, so much so that I took those words and held them close to my own heart, even though it was not meant for me.
But regardless of the quality of the toast itself, the reason I appreciate these moments so much is that while it is a time devoted to the bride and groom, it is from the point of view of the friends and family who are closest to them. As I was saying before, the wedding is obviously important to the bride and groom themselves - but I do believe that the real significance of the day lies in the people who are there to witness their union and wish them well.
After all, the two of them have the rest of their lives to dedicate to each other - but this is their one chance to share that happiness with all of their loved ones. So no matter how bad the toast-giver might be at speaking in public, I almost always feel moved by the moment, because I love seeing the genuine care and blessings that these loved ones wish towards the couple, in their own way of doing it.
As I sat in that wedding where I was the "outsider" of the party, I realized that even though I barely even knew the bride and groom, I still felt really touched to see the relationships that they had built and kept over the years. The meaning behind these relationships really shone through as I watched the family members and close friends give those toasts.
Anyways, while the rest of you may continue to attending your weddings and enjoy them for the bouquet toss, the unity candle, cutting the cake, or simply for the open bar - you will most likely find me in the corner somewhere at that wedding, getting teary-eyed as the friends and family are giving their toasts.
