Confessions of a Messy Eater

For someone who eats as slow as I do, you would think that I would be careful enough with my food to not always spill stuff on myself. But I don't. In the past few days alone, I have:

- Spilled tartar sauce from a Filet-O-Fish on my shirt and pants (it was right after church, so they were among my nicer clothes)

- Accidentally smeared grease from a hamburger onto two different pairs of khakis, in the SAME MEAL. After I noticed the first stain on one of my favorite pairs of pants, I wanted to wash it out right away before it set. So after I did that, I changed into another pair, continued eating my burger, and within minutes I did the exact same thing again to the new khakis.

- Dropped half the toppings from a slice of pizza onto my pant leg. Interestingly enough, I had a napkin open on my lap to protect from such incidents, but the cheese, spinach, and chicken magically avoided the napkin and scored a direct hit on my lower leg.

Honestly, I don't know how I manage to do it sometimes. I think I need to wear a bib, disposable/rubber clothes, or at least those Dockers Stain Defender pants. Not sure if those would even work, but hey, the commercials are cool.

Speaking of commercials, I listed a bunch of dumb commercials that I liked in the last entry, but just so people know, I do have some standards when it comes to rating the quality of commercials. Those standards may be low, but they are standards nonetheless. Here are some commercials that I don't like:

- Miller, President of Beers. What a retarded campaign, not funny or clever in any way. Actually made me drink more Coors Lite and Bud Lite instead, since they were so bad. The new Miller commercials with the referees might bring me back though. "We've got a disproportionately hot girlfriend here, further review is required"

- ATA. Sorry if you like the song, and I do know at least one person who does, but I hate it. HATE IT. I couldn't think of a more annoying or flaming tune if I tried.

- McDonald's I'm Loving It commercials. So lame.

- Geico. At first it was kind of entertaining, but now I just feel sorry for the duck. Nobody ever hears the poor little guy.

- 1-800-CALL-ATT with Bobcat or David Arquette. Partly because I'm bitter that 2 no-talent clowns like them get to be with such hot chicks. But really, those commercials do suck.

I think it might be possible that I have been watching too much TV lately.

Note to Domanick Davis: STOP FUMBLING