Tales of a Vision Impaired Boy
Nearsightedness been a part of my life since I was in 2nd grade. Whether it was because I watched too much TV and played too many video games (my mom's theory), or because my parents made me do too much reading and math problems (my theory), or just plain heredity from my dad (the logical scientific theory that makes the most sense), the fact is that I've had to live about 2/3 of my life needing either glasses or contacts, and it sucks.
For the lucky people out there who have never had to wear glasses or contacts, I envy and hate you. The rest of you mortals, I'm sure you feel my pain. I've decided to share all of my nearsightedness-related sob stories in this blog.
From about 2nd grade through junior high or so, I had glasses, no contacts yet. If you go back and look at my old class pictures, you can see the progression through the years of my awesome style in eyewear. It started with the old, clunky, super nerdy plastic frame. Not only was it the most uncool color possible for a 8 year old boy (a sort of translucent light brownish beige), but it was also so huge that it covered more than half of my face. At least, if nothing else, it was a super durable frame, as I think I still have that original pair sitting somewhere in my room in Darien.
Don't underestimate "durability", either, because later on I would learn the full value of a frame that doesn't easily break. After one or two more pairs of ugly plastic frames, me and my parents finally got with the program and decided to move up to the metal wire-rimmed glasses. Score one for the little playa Joe and the elementary school ladies! But actually, my pimp factor did not improve very much, due to the fact that I had these super thick lenses to go with them, thus obscuring my pretty eyes and also making the frames look way too tiny as well.
In addition to this, whatever aesthetic benefits remained from the "upgrade" to wire-rim frames were quickly lost when I broke them playing basketball. When I say broke, I don't mean bent, I mean snapped in half where the bridge is. Now, instead of sucking up the cost and buying a new frame, my dad decided he had a better solution to fix my glasses (this story is very typical of my dad, by the way, and I love him very much regardless).
His solution was to go to Venture (the hip store in Darien those days before Walmart came along, now defunct), buy a cheap soldering kit, and solder my frames together. Yes that's right, I walked around town for about a couple years, wearing glasses that were soldered together at one side of the bridge. If you don't know what that looks like, just picture a big blob of melted aluminum at the part where the middle piece meets the oval part that holds the lense. I'd post a picture if I had one handy, but I don't. For now, just trust me when I say that it wasn't a pretty sight. Not that it mattered much... actually now that I think about it, my ghetto-looking glasses probably went pretty well with the rest of my look, with my tight sweatpants, cheap shoes from Payless, and purple bookbag.
To make matters worse about my soldered glasses, they didn't exactly hold up very well to the bumps and bruises that come with being in 5th and 6th grade. Every once in a while, they would snap again at that spot, at which point I'd have to go to my dad to slop even more solder there to hold it. I remember on more than one occasion having to go through half a day of school after breaking them in recess, holding the two separated pieces of my glasses in place with my hands the whole time, just so my blind ass could see the board. Needless to say, I looked and felt like quite the idiot on those days.
Then there was the time I was at Camp Edwards in 6th grade, when I got hit in the face playing tetherball. My glasses flew off, I couldn't see anything, and all I could feel was blinding pain in my eyes. They took me to the nurse, and when some of the tears finally cleared enough to see where I was, the first thing I asked was "are my glasses broken?" The nurse's reaction is one that I'll always remember: "kid, you just got your face smashed in pretty hard, your left eye is swollen completely shut right now, and you're worried about your glasses?" If nothing else, what a testament to how severely Chinese parents drill in their kids the importance of saving money.
Eventually, I moved on to contact lenses. (By the way, for anyone who is wondering, I'm pretty sure those soldered glasses are still sitting on a shelf in my room next to the huge plastic ones - in two pieces, no less). Again, it was a case where I enjoyed a very slight improvement looks-wise, but mostly found that it was just a continuation of all the frustrating experiences that come along with having bad eyesight.
Back then, with the contact lens industry not yet having been deregulated in our economy, contacts were a lot more expensive than they are today. Also, disposables were not very popular/common, as they are now. As a result, losing a contact was serious business. And boy, did I lose my share of contacts. There's too many stories involving times when I lost or almost lost my contacts to write about in one blog entry, but I will say that the most common way I lost my contacts was when I threw them away myself in a moment of absentmindedness. I lost at least about 5 or 6 pairs simply by rinsing out and dumping the contents of my contact lens case down the sink, when I had just finished cleaning them at the end of the day. Really makes me kick myself for being so dumb, especially when I think about the agonizing times I spent trying to find a lost contact in the family room rug or underneath my desk during class.
I also screwed myself over during the first few months of wearing contacts by not having common sense. For whatever reason, I treated the disinfecting solution and saline as if it were liquid gold, so I cleaned my lenses using literally individual drops of solution. Obviously, this was not getting the job done. On my next visit to the eye doctor, he took a look at my lenses and was like "these are completely covered with protein and enzyme deposits, don't you clean them every day?" Then he showed me how to clean them using a steady stream of solution to rinse it thoroughly enough, and I felt like quite the retard for my meticulous drop-by-drop technique. I was like "hmmmm.... no wonder my eyes burn so much".
My stupidity and absentmindedness don't end there. One time, I spent about 10 minutes searching every corner of my house trying to find my glasses so I could take out my contacts, only to eventually realize that I took out my contacts earlier in the day and I was already wearing my glasses. STUPID.... And just the other day after playing cards at Dave's house, I came home and started to try taking out my contacts, with my glasses on. I actually reached under my glasses, nudging them out of the way to reach for my contacts without for a second stopping to think that hey, if I'm wearing my glasses I'm probably not wearing my contacts. Of course, I realized it soon enough when I noticed that something hurt like hell, and guess what, it was me pinching my own eyeball. STUPID AND ABSENTMINDED...
Well, what originally inspired me to write this whole long thing was that I was thinking about how nice it would be to get that laser eye surgery thing and never have to worry about any of that stuff again. I'd say that if anyone needs or deserves it, it'd be me. Then again, stupidity comes from within, it just manifested itself through my experiences with contacts. Even if I got the surgery, I'd probably just find new ways to be a dumbass.
But anyways, I think I'm gonna start a little fund for myself to get the vision correction thing done in a few years. I'd do it now if I wasn't saving money for a house, and I'm also hoping they will make more breakthroughs in that field during these next few years, that would make it cheaper and have less side effects.
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
Tuesday, October 28, 2003
DST and the Celebrity Next Door
I haven't gotten around to figuring out what's wrong with my blogger code, so I can't link to the archive here, but one year ago I wrote an entry about how awesome Daylight Savings Time was. Basically, I was saying that we should just do the "fall-back" thing every 2 weeks so that we could all gain that extra hour of sleep 26 times a year, and the only price to pay was losing about 1 day out of the calendar year. I also remember someone commenting about how stupid I was, in neglecting the fact that with my idea, we would all be living in darkness for much of the year, and choosing an extra hour of sleep every other week over seeing sunlight was borderline retarded.
Well, I am now 1 year older and 1 year wiser, and I now fully see how retarded I really was. I got to enjoy that 1 hour of sleep for all of one day, before my body quickly adjusted and that extra time got pissed away among my list of daily activities. In return, I get deprived of 1 hour of post-work daylight every day for at least a few weeks earlier than I would have without DST. I guess that goes to show that my blog readers are much smarter than me and way ahead of their time. Thank you for pointing out the error of my ways.
*****
Between all the reality shows involving celebrities on TV these days, it's gotten to the point where these pop stars, football players, or actors are like just another one of our friends or acquaintances. Kind of weird, but some conversations I have had in the past few weeks include the following:
(someone burps)
Me: Dang, that was a loud burp... you should see my sister burp though, she shakes the ground.
Other: haha... actually, you know who burps really loud too?
Me: Who? (expecting it to be one of our friends)
Other: Jessica Simpson
Other: Awww.... that dog is so cute!
Me: It's aight
Other: But actually, Kelly has the cutest dog I've ever seen
Me: Who the fock is Kelly?
Other: Kelly Rowland... you know, from Destiny's Child?
Other: I see you picked up Santana Moss in our McNown League
Me: Yeah, I saw him in this thing on BET the other day and he seemed like a cool guy, so why not?
Other: Nice... he scored another TD today. Maybe I should watch more BET.
Then, there are the people who became celebrities after people saw them in a reality show. Survivor cast members, Joe Millionaire, the Bachelorette have become household names for many Americans. For me, I never really watched any of those shows, but I do have my personal favorite people from reality TV, none other than the guys from Jackass. I was watching the new show with Bam Margera a couple days ago and I almost died laughing. Ironing hamburger designs on all of his dad's clothes, setting off remote control hydraulics on his dad's van, that stuff seriously made me choke on my food. I didn't see as much of Steve-O's show, but every time I see that guy, something in my stomach tightens up because I know something crazy/disgusting is about to happen. And yet, I can never change the channel. This time, it was him sticking his exposed butt onto a porcupine. I don't know if I'm more repulsed or amused by that kind of stuff. A lot of both, I guess. My reaction is usually something like "OHMYGOD... AWWW MAN... .WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT??!", all while laughing uncontrollably.
I haven't gotten around to figuring out what's wrong with my blogger code, so I can't link to the archive here, but one year ago I wrote an entry about how awesome Daylight Savings Time was. Basically, I was saying that we should just do the "fall-back" thing every 2 weeks so that we could all gain that extra hour of sleep 26 times a year, and the only price to pay was losing about 1 day out of the calendar year. I also remember someone commenting about how stupid I was, in neglecting the fact that with my idea, we would all be living in darkness for much of the year, and choosing an extra hour of sleep every other week over seeing sunlight was borderline retarded.
Well, I am now 1 year older and 1 year wiser, and I now fully see how retarded I really was. I got to enjoy that 1 hour of sleep for all of one day, before my body quickly adjusted and that extra time got pissed away among my list of daily activities. In return, I get deprived of 1 hour of post-work daylight every day for at least a few weeks earlier than I would have without DST. I guess that goes to show that my blog readers are much smarter than me and way ahead of their time. Thank you for pointing out the error of my ways.
*****
Between all the reality shows involving celebrities on TV these days, it's gotten to the point where these pop stars, football players, or actors are like just another one of our friends or acquaintances. Kind of weird, but some conversations I have had in the past few weeks include the following:
(someone burps)
Me: Dang, that was a loud burp... you should see my sister burp though, she shakes the ground.
Other: haha... actually, you know who burps really loud too?
Me: Who? (expecting it to be one of our friends)
Other: Jessica Simpson
Other: Awww.... that dog is so cute!
Me: It's aight
Other: But actually, Kelly has the cutest dog I've ever seen
Me: Who the fock is Kelly?
Other: Kelly Rowland... you know, from Destiny's Child?
Other: I see you picked up Santana Moss in our McNown League
Me: Yeah, I saw him in this thing on BET the other day and he seemed like a cool guy, so why not?
Other: Nice... he scored another TD today. Maybe I should watch more BET.
Then, there are the people who became celebrities after people saw them in a reality show. Survivor cast members, Joe Millionaire, the Bachelorette have become household names for many Americans. For me, I never really watched any of those shows, but I do have my personal favorite people from reality TV, none other than the guys from Jackass. I was watching the new show with Bam Margera a couple days ago and I almost died laughing. Ironing hamburger designs on all of his dad's clothes, setting off remote control hydraulics on his dad's van, that stuff seriously made me choke on my food. I didn't see as much of Steve-O's show, but every time I see that guy, something in my stomach tightens up because I know something crazy/disgusting is about to happen. And yet, I can never change the channel. This time, it was him sticking his exposed butt onto a porcupine. I don't know if I'm more repulsed or amused by that kind of stuff. A lot of both, I guess. My reaction is usually something like "OHMYGOD... AWWW MAN... .WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT??!", all while laughing uncontrollably.
Thursday, October 23, 2003
Santa Mail and More
Today was the first time I clicked on a banner ad in a long time. That's not counting all the times I accidentally hit one of the pop up windows or annoying flash animations that have a close button but moves around so you can't catch it. I hate those.
Anyways, I was checking my Yahoo Mail when I noticed in big red letters at the top: "Get a letter from Santa!" linked to www.santamail.org. So of course, how can I resist that? I clicked the banner and found one of the more entertaining websites I've seen in recent days. Basically, it's a company that sends a fake letter to your kids from Santa, incorporating information that you give them like your hometown or the name of his/her best friend. They use Christmas-y looking paper, envelopes, and it's postmarked "North Pole, Alaska". All for a low price of $9.95.
Now, I can understand the concept of giving your kid a personalized message from Santa might be kind of a nice thing to do. I mean, even though my mom and dad are fobs, I remember my dad doing something like that one Christmas. He typed up a short little note, taped it to my gift, and told me it was from Santa. Being about 5 years old at the time, I easily believed every word of it and I thought it was awesome.
The thing is, do you really need/want to pay someone else 10 bucks to do that for you? If you are browsing the internet to a site called www.santamail.org, chances are that you have access to a computer with the capability to write and print a letter. Why wouldn't you just do it yourself, if you wanted it to include personalized information to begin with? What's your kid gonna do, examine the letter and be like "this stationery looks so inauthentic, you really expect me to believe this is from Santa?" No 5-year old is gonna care that the envelope doesn't have Christmas decorations on it, and even if he was smart enough to pick at that kind of detail, what's with the postmarked "North Pole, Alaska" BS? I know that's not fooling anybody.
But oh well, if anyone is bored, go ahead and check out that site. It was worth a good laugh for me.
*****
I think the movie I was thinking about in the last blog, with the Mexicans trying to cross the border, was called "El Norte".
*****
Some questions I have:
1. Does "not being unhappy" count as "being happy"? If you're not sad, angry, bitter, or any of those negative emotions, does that make you happy by default? Why or why not?
2. What is the point of "thanks"? When someone says "thanks", what exactly does that word mean? When I let someone merge in front of me on the highway and I don't get the "thanks"-wave, why do I get pissed as if he robbed me or something? I mean, if you do something nice for someone, shouldn't you do it out of genuine kindness, and not for the satisfaction of being thanked? So do we have a right to be pissed about not receiving thanks?
3. Why is it ok for rappers to talk about "chinky eyes"? I used to like that Holidae In song until I noticed the part near the end when Ludacris goes "my eyes are chinky", now it annoys me. I'm not someone who believes in censorship, but considering some of the other stuff they edit out for the radio, it's a matter of respect that they should do the same for something like that.
4. Why did they keep bleeping out Uma Thurman's character's name in Kill Bill? When is Part II coming out?
5. Yesterday at Target I overheard a kid telling his friend that he got a 19 on his ACT. What do you do when you get a 19 on your ACT? It doesn't necessarily mean you're stupid, but you're definitely not "top quartile" either. Do you go to community college, get a minimum wage job, and work your way up? Is your life pretty much a waste from then on, just trying not to become a homeless bum? Or do you end up in a happier state than all the so-called successful students who go on to their middle-class jobs, stress out about saving every penny, and struggle for the next 40 years to climb the corporate ladder?
6. Are there people who buy just part two of a DVD/VHS trilogy but not the rest? I think it would look so weird if my shelf had only Empire Strikes Back, Matrix Reloaded, The Two Towers, Austin Powers 2, etc., and nothing else.
*****
I saw the video for Linkin Park's "Numb" for the first time yesterday. I've really liked the song a lot since I got the CD when it came out, and I'm glad they made a video for it. The video is pretty good, not groundbreaking or anything, but it goes well with the song and I'd say it's one of the better music videos I've seen lately.
Also, I watched some of the Britney Spears Making the Video the other day. Don't really like that song or video much at all. And since when did she start acting like a stoner? Overall, I was unimpressed and disappointed with this showing. She seems to look a little older/not as hot, and her personality is more annoying. I noticed one of her backup dancers is an Asian girl though, and I think she looked pretty good. Better keep an eye out.
Today was the first time I clicked on a banner ad in a long time. That's not counting all the times I accidentally hit one of the pop up windows or annoying flash animations that have a close button but moves around so you can't catch it. I hate those.
Anyways, I was checking my Yahoo Mail when I noticed in big red letters at the top: "Get a letter from Santa!" linked to www.santamail.org. So of course, how can I resist that? I clicked the banner and found one of the more entertaining websites I've seen in recent days. Basically, it's a company that sends a fake letter to your kids from Santa, incorporating information that you give them like your hometown or the name of his/her best friend. They use Christmas-y looking paper, envelopes, and it's postmarked "North Pole, Alaska". All for a low price of $9.95.
Now, I can understand the concept of giving your kid a personalized message from Santa might be kind of a nice thing to do. I mean, even though my mom and dad are fobs, I remember my dad doing something like that one Christmas. He typed up a short little note, taped it to my gift, and told me it was from Santa. Being about 5 years old at the time, I easily believed every word of it and I thought it was awesome.
The thing is, do you really need/want to pay someone else 10 bucks to do that for you? If you are browsing the internet to a site called www.santamail.org, chances are that you have access to a computer with the capability to write and print a letter. Why wouldn't you just do it yourself, if you wanted it to include personalized information to begin with? What's your kid gonna do, examine the letter and be like "this stationery looks so inauthentic, you really expect me to believe this is from Santa?" No 5-year old is gonna care that the envelope doesn't have Christmas decorations on it, and even if he was smart enough to pick at that kind of detail, what's with the postmarked "North Pole, Alaska" BS? I know that's not fooling anybody.
But oh well, if anyone is bored, go ahead and check out that site. It was worth a good laugh for me.
*****
I think the movie I was thinking about in the last blog, with the Mexicans trying to cross the border, was called "El Norte".
*****
Some questions I have:
1. Does "not being unhappy" count as "being happy"? If you're not sad, angry, bitter, or any of those negative emotions, does that make you happy by default? Why or why not?
2. What is the point of "thanks"? When someone says "thanks", what exactly does that word mean? When I let someone merge in front of me on the highway and I don't get the "thanks"-wave, why do I get pissed as if he robbed me or something? I mean, if you do something nice for someone, shouldn't you do it out of genuine kindness, and not for the satisfaction of being thanked? So do we have a right to be pissed about not receiving thanks?
3. Why is it ok for rappers to talk about "chinky eyes"? I used to like that Holidae In song until I noticed the part near the end when Ludacris goes "my eyes are chinky", now it annoys me. I'm not someone who believes in censorship, but considering some of the other stuff they edit out for the radio, it's a matter of respect that they should do the same for something like that.
4. Why did they keep bleeping out Uma Thurman's character's name in Kill Bill? When is Part II coming out?
5. Yesterday at Target I overheard a kid telling his friend that he got a 19 on his ACT. What do you do when you get a 19 on your ACT? It doesn't necessarily mean you're stupid, but you're definitely not "top quartile" either. Do you go to community college, get a minimum wage job, and work your way up? Is your life pretty much a waste from then on, just trying not to become a homeless bum? Or do you end up in a happier state than all the so-called successful students who go on to their middle-class jobs, stress out about saving every penny, and struggle for the next 40 years to climb the corporate ladder?
6. Are there people who buy just part two of a DVD/VHS trilogy but not the rest? I think it would look so weird if my shelf had only Empire Strikes Back, Matrix Reloaded, The Two Towers, Austin Powers 2, etc., and nothing else.
*****
I saw the video for Linkin Park's "Numb" for the first time yesterday. I've really liked the song a lot since I got the CD when it came out, and I'm glad they made a video for it. The video is pretty good, not groundbreaking or anything, but it goes well with the song and I'd say it's one of the better music videos I've seen lately.
Also, I watched some of the Britney Spears Making the Video the other day. Don't really like that song or video much at all. And since when did she start acting like a stoner? Overall, I was unimpressed and disappointed with this showing. She seems to look a little older/not as hot, and her personality is more annoying. I noticed one of her backup dancers is an Asian girl though, and I think she looked pretty good. Better keep an eye out.
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
Today on ESPN.com/High School Videos
Today I read an article about Bill Self on ESPN.com, basically talking about how awesome he is and how good he's gonna be at Kansas. Well, I myself was a pretty big fan of "Coach Self", that is until he ditched the Illini. Reading that article pissed me off further, and now I hope he falls on his face at Kansas. Those Jayhawk fans might be welcoming him with open arms now, but after a few seasons of not making it past the Sweet Sixteen with talented players, they will be quick to turn on him. He will soon wish he was back in the lovefest that was Illinois, with his son being coached in basketball by Dan and Ray.
On ESPN.com Page 2, the look alike item was Josh Beckett and Lou Diamond Phillips. Add this to the list of matches that I have called in the past. I think the only movie I have seen Lou Diamond Phillips in was "Stand and Deliver", which I happened to watch twice because I took Calculus twice in high school. For a movie that they show in math class, I must admit that it was pretty entertaining. "Kimo I can count too: one.... two........... three"
Now I'm trying to think of other stuff they showed us in high school. I remember there was one short animated thing about the Mean Value Theorem where this guy gets caught speeding by a cop because they timed how long it took for him to go from one tollbooth to the next, and since his calculated average speed was over the limit, they screwed him by using the MVT. Yes, that was one of the more flaming videos I remember from high school. Other movies I remember include Breakfast Club, Roger and Me, and some Spanish movie about these Mexicans trying to cross the border. I'm sure there were a lot of other awesome ones I'm forgetting.
It seems like we watched the most videos in social studies classes, like US History, Political Science, Economics, etc. Probably because those teachers tend to be the laziest, in general. Looking back, I realize that they were pretty much all overweight, and extremely liberal minded to boot. Anyways, the one video I remember watching the most was this series called Economics USA. I think it was made in the early 80's and I don't think it could have been any cheesier. Then one day at home, I was randomly flipping channels and discovered that they were showing Economics USA on PBS. I was like, "wow, this is awesome". Then, a couple years later me and Chras took a self-paced COD class for Microeconomics during one summer. Basically, we just had to read through a text book, take a few exams, and watch a bunch of videos that we were supposed to rent from the COD branch in Westmont. It turned out that the videos were Economics USA. I swear, I just can't seem to escape "your host David Schumacher and economist Richard Gill".
One bad thing about my experience is, since I went to school in Taiwan for my freshman year, then came back to DGS for my last three, the two systems screwed me out of taking Health class at either school. I never got to officially learn about avoiding drugs and sexually transmitted diseases. I guess that explains why I turned into such a major crackhead/male slut. See, at least there's an excuse.
Today I read an article about Bill Self on ESPN.com, basically talking about how awesome he is and how good he's gonna be at Kansas. Well, I myself was a pretty big fan of "Coach Self", that is until he ditched the Illini. Reading that article pissed me off further, and now I hope he falls on his face at Kansas. Those Jayhawk fans might be welcoming him with open arms now, but after a few seasons of not making it past the Sweet Sixteen with talented players, they will be quick to turn on him. He will soon wish he was back in the lovefest that was Illinois, with his son being coached in basketball by Dan and Ray.
On ESPN.com Page 2, the look alike item was Josh Beckett and Lou Diamond Phillips. Add this to the list of matches that I have called in the past. I think the only movie I have seen Lou Diamond Phillips in was "Stand and Deliver", which I happened to watch twice because I took Calculus twice in high school. For a movie that they show in math class, I must admit that it was pretty entertaining. "Kimo I can count too: one.... two........... three"
Now I'm trying to think of other stuff they showed us in high school. I remember there was one short animated thing about the Mean Value Theorem where this guy gets caught speeding by a cop because they timed how long it took for him to go from one tollbooth to the next, and since his calculated average speed was over the limit, they screwed him by using the MVT. Yes, that was one of the more flaming videos I remember from high school. Other movies I remember include Breakfast Club, Roger and Me, and some Spanish movie about these Mexicans trying to cross the border. I'm sure there were a lot of other awesome ones I'm forgetting.
It seems like we watched the most videos in social studies classes, like US History, Political Science, Economics, etc. Probably because those teachers tend to be the laziest, in general. Looking back, I realize that they were pretty much all overweight, and extremely liberal minded to boot. Anyways, the one video I remember watching the most was this series called Economics USA. I think it was made in the early 80's and I don't think it could have been any cheesier. Then one day at home, I was randomly flipping channels and discovered that they were showing Economics USA on PBS. I was like, "wow, this is awesome". Then, a couple years later me and Chras took a self-paced COD class for Microeconomics during one summer. Basically, we just had to read through a text book, take a few exams, and watch a bunch of videos that we were supposed to rent from the COD branch in Westmont. It turned out that the videos were Economics USA. I swear, I just can't seem to escape "your host David Schumacher and economist Richard Gill".
One bad thing about my experience is, since I went to school in Taiwan for my freshman year, then came back to DGS for my last three, the two systems screwed me out of taking Health class at either school. I never got to officially learn about avoiding drugs and sexually transmitted diseases. I guess that explains why I turned into such a major crackhead/male slut. See, at least there's an excuse.
Monday, October 20, 2003
- Saw two movies over the weekend, Kill Bill and School of Rock. Both were pretty much what I expected from what people told me. Kill Bill was a good movie, as long as you don't mind a seeing lot of blood and limbs being chopped off. School of Rock was pretty good too, except Sarah Silverman didn't really have much of a part in it. I'd recommend either movie, but I don't know how much my recommendation is worth. It probably seems like I recommend a lot of movies, basically as long as it doesn't suck like The Medallion. Also, I have dragged people to go see Kung Pow with me in the past, so that might say something about my judgement.
- Something that really bothers me: Guys who wear shoes that sound like high heels when they walk. There seem to be a lot of these fruitcakes where I work and it drives me nuts.
- I discovered this fact a while back, but apparently the Blockbuster card I've been using is under my mom's name, and the credit card it's registered under expired 4 years ago. Hmmm, I think it might be time for me to get my own Blockbuster account.
- Since I always get hungry late in the afternoon at work, I've decided to spice up the situation by bringing a peanut butter & jelly sandwich every day. Yes, come today at 4pm, it's PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!!
- I wasn't planning on dressing up for Halloween, seeing as I'm 23 and I haven't had a costume in over 10 years, but a friend mentioned a potentially awesome idea. How cool would it be if a whole bunch of people in Chicago dressed up as Steve Bartman? Ok, maybe not "cool", but you have to admit that would look hilarious if you saw everyone walking around with old worn Cubs hats on, headphones, glasses, green turtleneck, etc. on Halloween. I'm not saying I'm gonna do it, but someone should. Come on people, "do the Bartman"!
- Observation: When you play cards, it's very, very important to know the people you are playing with. Not so much to read each other's hands and betting, since I don't think any of us are good enough for that kind of stuff. More because with certain people, you have to be prepared to be sucked in to a bunch of crazy side games that keep you there later and put in more money than you should be. Among them, a friendly round of "Screw Your Neighbor" with a $40 pot. Ah yes... gotta love those.
- Something that really bothers me: Guys who wear shoes that sound like high heels when they walk. There seem to be a lot of these fruitcakes where I work and it drives me nuts.
- I discovered this fact a while back, but apparently the Blockbuster card I've been using is under my mom's name, and the credit card it's registered under expired 4 years ago. Hmmm, I think it might be time for me to get my own Blockbuster account.
- Since I always get hungry late in the afternoon at work, I've decided to spice up the situation by bringing a peanut butter & jelly sandwich every day. Yes, come today at 4pm, it's PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!!
- I wasn't planning on dressing up for Halloween, seeing as I'm 23 and I haven't had a costume in over 10 years, but a friend mentioned a potentially awesome idea. How cool would it be if a whole bunch of people in Chicago dressed up as Steve Bartman? Ok, maybe not "cool", but you have to admit that would look hilarious if you saw everyone walking around with old worn Cubs hats on, headphones, glasses, green turtleneck, etc. on Halloween. I'm not saying I'm gonna do it, but someone should. Come on people, "do the Bartman"!
- Observation: When you play cards, it's very, very important to know the people you are playing with. Not so much to read each other's hands and betting, since I don't think any of us are good enough for that kind of stuff. More because with certain people, you have to be prepared to be sucked in to a bunch of crazy side games that keep you there later and put in more money than you should be. Among them, a friendly round of "Screw Your Neighbor" with a $40 pot. Ah yes... gotta love those.
Friday, October 17, 2003
It makes me feel old when I browse to random people's Xanga sites and their birthday was in 1988 or something. Then their blogs are talking about Homecoming and stuff, or how their mom and dad are mean.
*****
Most of the people I know miss college, including myself. I wonder how many people miss high school though. I was talking to Olivia about it last night and she definitely doesn't miss her high school years. Me, I'm kind of indifferent. Other than my last year there, I basically had no life outside of school anyways. Oh, except maybe for math team.
Anyways, my theory is that if you were one of the select few people that had the time of your life in high school, then you probably ended up fizzling out early in college. It's like you are already in a comfort zone in high school, and college forces you to leave that security behind. (Think of Mike Dexter in "Can't Hardly Wait"). So you get to college, and expect everything to be exactly the same way, smooth sailing and all, while the fact is that you still have a lot of growing to do as a person before all is said and done.
But for the majority of us, high school was an awkward stage, and college turned out to be the time of our lives. It's like the 4 years when we kind of "settled into our own skin" and started to actually figure out our own identity, and feel comfortable with it. Meanwhile, you're also figuring out who your real friends are and building relationships that last a lot longer than the ones you had in high school.
Then, I guess there's the people who don't enjoy high school or college, I don't know what becomes of them. Maybe they are the ones who end up being super successful like Bill Gates, some Hollywood director, or Nobel-prize winning cancer researcher.
*****
I haven't seen a movie in the theater lately. There's been a bunch that I kind of want to see. Since Piya doesn't recommend movies a lot, I'm gonna expect an awesome movie out of Kill Bill. Also, I heard Mystic River was good, and I want to check out School of Rock. Jack Black is pretty funny, but the clincher is that I heard Sara Silverman is in it too, and I think she is one of the most hilarious people in the world. Right up there with Chris Rock, Mike Myers, Adam Sandler, and Conan O'Brien.
*****
When Aaron Boone jacked that walkoff home run last night, I laughed so hard. Cubs fans, I kind of feel sorry for, but I've got no sympathy for Boston fans at all. I wish they showed the "Boston bar" camera during yesterday's game like they did for the Jokeland series, so I could see all of their shattered faces. First with the "stomach punch" when the Yankees tied it up in the 8th, and then the inevitable "kick in the nuts" to officially lose Game 7 in the 12th inning.
*****
Most of the people I know miss college, including myself. I wonder how many people miss high school though. I was talking to Olivia about it last night and she definitely doesn't miss her high school years. Me, I'm kind of indifferent. Other than my last year there, I basically had no life outside of school anyways. Oh, except maybe for math team.
Anyways, my theory is that if you were one of the select few people that had the time of your life in high school, then you probably ended up fizzling out early in college. It's like you are already in a comfort zone in high school, and college forces you to leave that security behind. (Think of Mike Dexter in "Can't Hardly Wait"). So you get to college, and expect everything to be exactly the same way, smooth sailing and all, while the fact is that you still have a lot of growing to do as a person before all is said and done.
But for the majority of us, high school was an awkward stage, and college turned out to be the time of our lives. It's like the 4 years when we kind of "settled into our own skin" and started to actually figure out our own identity, and feel comfortable with it. Meanwhile, you're also figuring out who your real friends are and building relationships that last a lot longer than the ones you had in high school.
Then, I guess there's the people who don't enjoy high school or college, I don't know what becomes of them. Maybe they are the ones who end up being super successful like Bill Gates, some Hollywood director, or Nobel-prize winning cancer researcher.
*****
I haven't seen a movie in the theater lately. There's been a bunch that I kind of want to see. Since Piya doesn't recommend movies a lot, I'm gonna expect an awesome movie out of Kill Bill. Also, I heard Mystic River was good, and I want to check out School of Rock. Jack Black is pretty funny, but the clincher is that I heard Sara Silverman is in it too, and I think she is one of the most hilarious people in the world. Right up there with Chris Rock, Mike Myers, Adam Sandler, and Conan O'Brien.
*****
When Aaron Boone jacked that walkoff home run last night, I laughed so hard. Cubs fans, I kind of feel sorry for, but I've got no sympathy for Boston fans at all. I wish they showed the "Boston bar" camera during yesterday's game like they did for the Jokeland series, so I could see all of their shattered faces. First with the "stomach punch" when the Yankees tied it up in the 8th, and then the inevitable "kick in the nuts" to officially lose Game 7 in the 12th inning.
Thursday, October 16, 2003
Don't Blame The Fan
To all the die-hard, long-suffering Cubs fans out there, I feel your pain. You guys have a right to complain and feel down. Even I found it tough to watch them lose last 3 games, and I'm a Sox fan.
To all the people who never watched baseball until a few weeks ago, and suddenly became huge Cubs fans when they made the playoffs, please don't spend the next few weeks whining, because I could care less.
Anyways, here's my opinion on the whole "fan incident". The guy is stupid. So are all the people around him that were also going for the ball, he just happened to be the unlucky stupid one. If you sit in a front row seat, and a ball is popped up towards you, you should know to pay attention first to the field of play, and go for the ball second.
Then, the guy releases some lame statement. Sorry man, nobody wants to hear it. Maybe if you just shut up for a while, or just talked to a local reporter, looked into the camera, and simply said "I'm sorry, I'm a dumbass", it would all blow over within a few weeks. No, he tries to act like some important person, sounding like a cheesy politician's speech with stuff like "I ask that Cubs fans everywhere redirect the negative energy" and the painfully obvious "Had I thought for one second that the ball was playable ... I would have done whatever I could to get out of the way." Now, I'm not a Cubs fan, but if I were already pissed at this person, and then he talks down to me like that, I'd be even less inclined to forgive him and even more inclined to kick his ass.
With that said, there's no way you can blame losing the series on that one play. Yes, it made a huge difference momentum wise, but it didn't make 8 runs cross the plate that inning, nor did it make Kerry Wood give up 7 runs the next night. And it certainly had no part in the Cubs getting shut out the game before that. The fact is, a lot of other stuff went wrong, and if you can honestly blame a 7 game series on a fan's stupid play, then your team doesn't deserve to play in the World Series to begin with.
In a pure baseball sense, that fan cost the Cubs one out, if that much. Everything else is "shoulda, woulda, coulda" that you can debate forever. Maybe Moises doesn't catch the ball even if the guy gets out of the way, but then Prior goes on to strike out the next two guys and the Cubs go on to win. Maybe Moises does catch the ball, Alex Gonzalez doesn't try to rush the play to turn 2, and Cubs are out of the inning and winners also. Maybe the Cubs get out of the inning, but then the Marlins bat around in the ninth and win Game 6. But then Kerry Wood throws a no-hit shutout in Game 7. In sports, and especially in baseball, anything can happen.
If you watch the game of baseball and know how it goes, you should understand that there are a million variables, an infinite number of things that can go change in one play, but no matter what happens, you have to move forward and play ball with what you got. I've always hated those players who get a questionable call on strike 2, swing and miss for strike 3, then go back and complain to the ump about his call on strike 2. Maybe it was out of the zone, maybe it was in, but either way, you still had a chance on the next pitch and you missed. It's your own problem if you chose to spend your time and energy crying over spilled milk and licking your wounds, instead of focusing on the next opportunity. And that's exactly the case with people who will continue to moan about getting screwed on one play in one inning of a 7 game, 63 inning, 189 out series.
Oh well, that's enough talk about that for now. I'm sure this city will be sick and tired of talking this subject to death in the next few days, or maybe for years to come. If you Cubs fans want to turn into Red Sox fans, go ahead and keep feeling sorry for yourself about what happened until the day you die. Personally, even though I think cheering for "lovable losers" is dumb, I've still always felt that Cubs fans are much better than Red Sox fans, because they aren't as overly cynical and they still are behind their team with high hopes every year. So I'd suggest for everyone to just take a few days at most to mourn, and then look ahead to next season for bigger and better things.
*****
Maybe the following story will provide a welcome diversion. A week or two ago I was watching ESPN and caught the following news scrolling by on the BottomLine: "Jacksonville punter Chris Hanson out with leg injury (gashed with ax)". At the time, I was like "what the??" but figured I just read it wrong or something. Later, I saw part of the report on SportsCenter and it turned out that he actually was injured by an ax. Apparently, he nailed his own leg during practice as part of a motivational stunt where the coach had him chopping wood for some reason. How chopping wood can be a motivational tool for football practice, I'll never know.
Now, there's been plenty of bizarre injuries in the sports world. Among others, people have hurt their back carrying their own luggage at the hotel, strained neck muscles pulling their overly tight cap on, gotten tackled by their dog, and missed games because of a spider bite. But there's more to this story. For me, the "kicker" (meester son of a beetch... lets pliay some khards) of this whole thing came a couple days ago when I was listening to the radio and they were talking about the incident. I found out that this is the same guy who was part of a weird "fondue mishap" last year, which I remember hearing about at the time.
So in 2002, Chris Hanson injures himself by spilling hot fondue on himself at home. Then in 2003, he's out for the season after "gashing" himself with an ax during practice. Maybe no one else thinks it's that funny, but I've been snickering to myself ever since I heard that.
*****
During the Cubs game yesterday, I saw a TV version for the Bud Light commercial I talked about in the last blog. Wasn't as funny as the radio ones I've heard, and I guess the actual title is "Real Men Of Genius". Just thought I'd pass along an update.
*****
One final thing of note, for all the Illini fans out there... Kurt Kittner is getting the next start for the Atlanta Falcons this week. Yes, the legendary Kittner15!! Too bad he wasn't able to start the last game on Monday Night Football, and claim to be from Playa University too.
To all the die-hard, long-suffering Cubs fans out there, I feel your pain. You guys have a right to complain and feel down. Even I found it tough to watch them lose last 3 games, and I'm a Sox fan.
To all the people who never watched baseball until a few weeks ago, and suddenly became huge Cubs fans when they made the playoffs, please don't spend the next few weeks whining, because I could care less.
Anyways, here's my opinion on the whole "fan incident". The guy is stupid. So are all the people around him that were also going for the ball, he just happened to be the unlucky stupid one. If you sit in a front row seat, and a ball is popped up towards you, you should know to pay attention first to the field of play, and go for the ball second.
Then, the guy releases some lame statement. Sorry man, nobody wants to hear it. Maybe if you just shut up for a while, or just talked to a local reporter, looked into the camera, and simply said "I'm sorry, I'm a dumbass", it would all blow over within a few weeks. No, he tries to act like some important person, sounding like a cheesy politician's speech with stuff like "I ask that Cubs fans everywhere redirect the negative energy" and the painfully obvious "Had I thought for one second that the ball was playable ... I would have done whatever I could to get out of the way." Now, I'm not a Cubs fan, but if I were already pissed at this person, and then he talks down to me like that, I'd be even less inclined to forgive him and even more inclined to kick his ass.
With that said, there's no way you can blame losing the series on that one play. Yes, it made a huge difference momentum wise, but it didn't make 8 runs cross the plate that inning, nor did it make Kerry Wood give up 7 runs the next night. And it certainly had no part in the Cubs getting shut out the game before that. The fact is, a lot of other stuff went wrong, and if you can honestly blame a 7 game series on a fan's stupid play, then your team doesn't deserve to play in the World Series to begin with.
In a pure baseball sense, that fan cost the Cubs one out, if that much. Everything else is "shoulda, woulda, coulda" that you can debate forever. Maybe Moises doesn't catch the ball even if the guy gets out of the way, but then Prior goes on to strike out the next two guys and the Cubs go on to win. Maybe Moises does catch the ball, Alex Gonzalez doesn't try to rush the play to turn 2, and Cubs are out of the inning and winners also. Maybe the Cubs get out of the inning, but then the Marlins bat around in the ninth and win Game 6. But then Kerry Wood throws a no-hit shutout in Game 7. In sports, and especially in baseball, anything can happen.
If you watch the game of baseball and know how it goes, you should understand that there are a million variables, an infinite number of things that can go change in one play, but no matter what happens, you have to move forward and play ball with what you got. I've always hated those players who get a questionable call on strike 2, swing and miss for strike 3, then go back and complain to the ump about his call on strike 2. Maybe it was out of the zone, maybe it was in, but either way, you still had a chance on the next pitch and you missed. It's your own problem if you chose to spend your time and energy crying over spilled milk and licking your wounds, instead of focusing on the next opportunity. And that's exactly the case with people who will continue to moan about getting screwed on one play in one inning of a 7 game, 63 inning, 189 out series.
Oh well, that's enough talk about that for now. I'm sure this city will be sick and tired of talking this subject to death in the next few days, or maybe for years to come. If you Cubs fans want to turn into Red Sox fans, go ahead and keep feeling sorry for yourself about what happened until the day you die. Personally, even though I think cheering for "lovable losers" is dumb, I've still always felt that Cubs fans are much better than Red Sox fans, because they aren't as overly cynical and they still are behind their team with high hopes every year. So I'd suggest for everyone to just take a few days at most to mourn, and then look ahead to next season for bigger and better things.
*****
Maybe the following story will provide a welcome diversion. A week or two ago I was watching ESPN and caught the following news scrolling by on the BottomLine: "Jacksonville punter Chris Hanson out with leg injury (gashed with ax)". At the time, I was like "what the??" but figured I just read it wrong or something. Later, I saw part of the report on SportsCenter and it turned out that he actually was injured by an ax. Apparently, he nailed his own leg during practice as part of a motivational stunt where the coach had him chopping wood for some reason. How chopping wood can be a motivational tool for football practice, I'll never know.
Now, there's been plenty of bizarre injuries in the sports world. Among others, people have hurt their back carrying their own luggage at the hotel, strained neck muscles pulling their overly tight cap on, gotten tackled by their dog, and missed games because of a spider bite. But there's more to this story. For me, the "kicker" (meester son of a beetch... lets pliay some khards) of this whole thing came a couple days ago when I was listening to the radio and they were talking about the incident. I found out that this is the same guy who was part of a weird "fondue mishap" last year, which I remember hearing about at the time.
So in 2002, Chris Hanson injures himself by spilling hot fondue on himself at home. Then in 2003, he's out for the season after "gashing" himself with an ax during practice. Maybe no one else thinks it's that funny, but I've been snickering to myself ever since I heard that.
*****
During the Cubs game yesterday, I saw a TV version for the Bud Light commercial I talked about in the last blog. Wasn't as funny as the radio ones I've heard, and I guess the actual title is "Real Men Of Genius". Just thought I'd pass along an update.
*****
One final thing of note, for all the Illini fans out there... Kurt Kittner is getting the next start for the Atlanta Falcons this week. Yes, the legendary Kittner15!! Too bad he wasn't able to start the last game on Monday Night Football, and claim to be from Playa University too.
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
This morning I woke up and my room was still dark. Unfortunately, it wasn't because I woke up too early, it was because it was all cloudy and pouring outside. You know, the rain sure puts a "damper" on my mood for the day, harharhar.
I think by far the best radio commercials I've ever heard are for Bud Light. Usually, commercials on the radio are either really lame gimmicky jokes, or just the basic "Call this number now for more information" kind of thing. But, there's this series of ads for Bud Light that's called "Real American Heroes" or something, that I think is hilarious. Each one "salutes" a certain person, like a Truck Driver, Coffee Shop Employee, or "Mr. Tiny Thong Bikini Wearer". So they play this slow cheesy rock music with a guy singing weird echoes in the background, and then they have a narrator explain why they are saluting the person. Like yesterday, I heard one for Next-Day Carpet Man, going something like this:
cheesy rock intro
Narrator - Today we salute you, Next-Day Carpet Man, because when we're jonesin' for some carpet, we're jonesin' for carpet
Rock Singer Echo - Jonesin' for some carpet....
And so forth. If you've never heard any of these commercials I'm talking about, then you probably wouldn't understand, and think I'm a dumbass. You're missing out though, so I suggest you pay attention to commercials on the radio more.
I've been listening to the new Outkast 2-CD set for a couple weeks now, and I'm not sure if I like it. The two singles they have on the radio/MTV right now are good, and the skits are entertaining as always, but it seems like there's a lot of garbage tracks of crappy songs they threw in, just so each of those guys could have a separate CD. They might've been better off combining it all into one disc. Or, maybe the stuff is just so weird this time that I just don't get it.
Outkast has always had some lyrics that are so random and barely make any sense, but I think it's awesome. At least it's good that they don't just rap about money, hoes, and being a thug gangsta all the time. Some of my favorites are:
"Softly, as if I played piano in the dark"
"Cause I'm cooler than a polar bear's toenails..."
"Lend me some sugar... I am your neighbor!"
This weekend I realized that it's now been over 1 full year since I started working at this job. Last September/October was when I interviewed, got an offer, accepted, bought a car, got some new shirts/pants, and started working. It was also around this time when Oiy had her birthday thing at Tequila Roadhouse (Happy birthday to Stork too by the way, if I forgot to say it before). That happened to be the first time I met two cool friends in Nina and Vira, as well as being around the time when Nina and Greg first got together. I don't know if you guys had your exact anniversary yet, but congrats on making it through the first year. Anyways, I always get a weird feeling to remember what life was like exactly one year ago, and see how much stuff has changed in the time since then.
I think by far the best radio commercials I've ever heard are for Bud Light. Usually, commercials on the radio are either really lame gimmicky jokes, or just the basic "Call this number now for more information" kind of thing. But, there's this series of ads for Bud Light that's called "Real American Heroes" or something, that I think is hilarious. Each one "salutes" a certain person, like a Truck Driver, Coffee Shop Employee, or "Mr. Tiny Thong Bikini Wearer". So they play this slow cheesy rock music with a guy singing weird echoes in the background, and then they have a narrator explain why they are saluting the person. Like yesterday, I heard one for Next-Day Carpet Man, going something like this:
cheesy rock intro
Narrator - Today we salute you, Next-Day Carpet Man, because when we're jonesin' for some carpet, we're jonesin' for carpet
Rock Singer Echo - Jonesin' for some carpet....
And so forth. If you've never heard any of these commercials I'm talking about, then you probably wouldn't understand, and think I'm a dumbass. You're missing out though, so I suggest you pay attention to commercials on the radio more.
I've been listening to the new Outkast 2-CD set for a couple weeks now, and I'm not sure if I like it. The two singles they have on the radio/MTV right now are good, and the skits are entertaining as always, but it seems like there's a lot of garbage tracks of crappy songs they threw in, just so each of those guys could have a separate CD. They might've been better off combining it all into one disc. Or, maybe the stuff is just so weird this time that I just don't get it.
Outkast has always had some lyrics that are so random and barely make any sense, but I think it's awesome. At least it's good that they don't just rap about money, hoes, and being a thug gangsta all the time. Some of my favorites are:
"Softly, as if I played piano in the dark"
"Cause I'm cooler than a polar bear's toenails..."
"Lend me some sugar... I am your neighbor!"
This weekend I realized that it's now been over 1 full year since I started working at this job. Last September/October was when I interviewed, got an offer, accepted, bought a car, got some new shirts/pants, and started working. It was also around this time when Oiy had her birthday thing at Tequila Roadhouse (Happy birthday to Stork too by the way, if I forgot to say it before). That happened to be the first time I met two cool friends in Nina and Vira, as well as being around the time when Nina and Greg first got together. I don't know if you guys had your exact anniversary yet, but congrats on making it through the first year. Anyways, I always get a weird feeling to remember what life was like exactly one year ago, and see how much stuff has changed in the time since then.
Thursday, October 09, 2003
Trimming the Alphabet
The more I think about it, our alphabet has too many letters. I think we should get rid of some of them, for simplicity's and efficiency's sake. Like, is it really necessary to have both a "C" and a "K"? They make the exact same sound, and could pretty much be interchangeable for 99% of the words in the English dictionary. Would anyone really care if they had to change the way they spelled "kangaroo" to "cangaroo"? I know I wouldn't. In the process, it might also serve as a nice push to all the Kathys and Cathys out there to start standardizing the spelling of their names. I'm fed up with trying to guess how to spell out your stupid name, so from now on, you're all gonna use "Cathy", got it?
Beyond eliminating the letter "K", I'd propose that we could probably just cut off the last few letters entirely. I mean, there's a reason they come last in the song, you know? Seriously, how many words really need "V", "X", "Y", or "Z" to survive? I'll admit, "W" is pretty cool sometimes, so I guess it can stay for now. But usually, you can replace any of those little guys with other letters or letter combinations and no one will even notice. Even if you can't, there are always ways around the problem. Can't figure out how to accomodate "Zebra"? Just make up a new word using the ample number of letters remaining in the pool, or better yet, how about just calling those things what they really are - "Striped Horses"? There's an idea to chew on.
A lot of you are probably reading and thinking, "this guy is out of his mind". Well, scoff if you want, but if I ever get to be President, you'll see these changes soon enough. Just think about how much time is being wasted by elementary school kids learning to write. If you could shave off just 5 letters out of 26, that's a savings of almost 20%, in terms of time spent tracing those stupid workbooks and learning the phonics that go with each letter. Factor in the additional time they spend learning cursive, or how much time they could save in the process of learning to type on a simplified keyboard, and these savings start to really pile up.
It's no secret that the United States has become a dominant superpower both economically and politically, and this is due in no small part to the relative simplicity of its alphabet dynamic. Consider the Chinese language, with over 30 sounds in its alphabet and multiplied by 4 intonations. What a disadvantage it must be have the burden of all these needlessly complex linguistics! Other countries, such as Germany or Spain, continue to carry foolhardy baggage in their respective languages in the form of umlauts and that little squiggly line over the "n". By comparison, the 26 basic sounds in English without any of that modifier nonsense is quite efficient already. But in today's ultra-competitive international market, Americans need as much of an edge on the rest of the world that they can get. And a simple way to stay ahead of the game is to tighten the reins on letter usage.
As it should be apparent by now, the benefits to downsizing our alphabet are both numerous and significant. Until I make it to the White House, though, we may be deprived of these changes while the rest of the world passes us by. In the meantime, I urge everyone out there to contact their local legislator and push for a smaller but better alphabet.
The more I think about it, our alphabet has too many letters. I think we should get rid of some of them, for simplicity's and efficiency's sake. Like, is it really necessary to have both a "C" and a "K"? They make the exact same sound, and could pretty much be interchangeable for 99% of the words in the English dictionary. Would anyone really care if they had to change the way they spelled "kangaroo" to "cangaroo"? I know I wouldn't. In the process, it might also serve as a nice push to all the Kathys and Cathys out there to start standardizing the spelling of their names. I'm fed up with trying to guess how to spell out your stupid name, so from now on, you're all gonna use "Cathy", got it?
Beyond eliminating the letter "K", I'd propose that we could probably just cut off the last few letters entirely. I mean, there's a reason they come last in the song, you know? Seriously, how many words really need "V", "X", "Y", or "Z" to survive? I'll admit, "W" is pretty cool sometimes, so I guess it can stay for now. But usually, you can replace any of those little guys with other letters or letter combinations and no one will even notice. Even if you can't, there are always ways around the problem. Can't figure out how to accomodate "Zebra"? Just make up a new word using the ample number of letters remaining in the pool, or better yet, how about just calling those things what they really are - "Striped Horses"? There's an idea to chew on.
A lot of you are probably reading and thinking, "this guy is out of his mind". Well, scoff if you want, but if I ever get to be President, you'll see these changes soon enough. Just think about how much time is being wasted by elementary school kids learning to write. If you could shave off just 5 letters out of 26, that's a savings of almost 20%, in terms of time spent tracing those stupid workbooks and learning the phonics that go with each letter. Factor in the additional time they spend learning cursive, or how much time they could save in the process of learning to type on a simplified keyboard, and these savings start to really pile up.
It's no secret that the United States has become a dominant superpower both economically and politically, and this is due in no small part to the relative simplicity of its alphabet dynamic. Consider the Chinese language, with over 30 sounds in its alphabet and multiplied by 4 intonations. What a disadvantage it must be have the burden of all these needlessly complex linguistics! Other countries, such as Germany or Spain, continue to carry foolhardy baggage in their respective languages in the form of umlauts and that little squiggly line over the "n". By comparison, the 26 basic sounds in English without any of that modifier nonsense is quite efficient already. But in today's ultra-competitive international market, Americans need as much of an edge on the rest of the world that they can get. And a simple way to stay ahead of the game is to tighten the reins on letter usage.
As it should be apparent by now, the benefits to downsizing our alphabet are both numerous and significant. Until I make it to the White House, though, we may be deprived of these changes while the rest of the world passes us by. In the meantime, I urge everyone out there to contact their local legislator and push for a smaller but better alphabet.
Wednesday, October 08, 2003
Notes
- Last Friday night I burned my tongue on some ramen. I don't think I've eaten any of that stuff since college, and the first time I give it another chance, it burns my tongue? That pissed me off so much. Anyone want 23 packs of original flavor Ichiban ramen? Cause I bought a whole box and now I don't know if I will be eating the rest. My tongue feels like sandpaper right now and it hurts like hell.
- A fact you may not know is that the typical human taste bud has a lifespan of 7-10 days. So I think instead of healing when they get burned or damaged or whatever, you just have to wait until the new ones take the place of the old. I guess that means that if my current taste buds happened to be "born" on Friday, I still might have another 3 or 4 days of sandpaper-tongue.
- One more sign that my body is getting older is that I can't handle as much second-hand smoke as I used to. I think in college, I breathed in enough smoke from the people I hung out with to account for about the equivalent of a pack of light cigarettes per day, and it never bothered me. But last night, I went to RAM to watch part of the Cubs game with some old friends, and in less than a couple hours of being exposed to their smoke I was sneezing, eyes sore, maybe even a little light headed.
- Speaking of the Cubs game, man, that is why playoff baseball is so awesome. Even though I'm kind of rooting for the Cubs, I'm still watching these games more as an overall "baseball fan", looking for exciting and well-played games. So even though they lost, I enjoyed watching a good battle. Some observations from that game:
1. That Sammy Sosa hop has gotten so ridiculous. I don't know if he does it because fans expect it, or if he just thinks it's fun or what, but it needs to stop.
2. Ugueth Urbina blows. I knew he was gonna give up that game-tying home run as soon as Sosa came up to bat with a man on base. Some pitchers have decent stuff, but they are just way too unclutch to be closers, and especially even more so in the playoffs. This list definitely includes Urbina, as well as people like Billy Koch, Byung-Hyun Kim, Armando Benitez, and Keith Foulke.
3. I don't think I've ever seen an outfield play worse defense than the Marlins in the early innings last night. And then, I saw Alex Gonzalez (of the Marlins) make two of the best defensive plays that might have saved the game in the late innings.
4. I don't think the Cubs have a lot to worry about, with Wood and Prior scheduled to pitch at least 4 games in this series.
5. Those 3 home runs in one inning, I couldn't believe it as it was happening.
- Red Sox vs. Yankees, I think I'm gonna root for the Yankees to win in 7. I kind of wanted to see a Cubs vs. Red Sox World Series, but when they kept showing those Boston fans in that bar during Game 5 of the Oakland series, I just started to really hate them for some reason. It's like a whole bunch of Ben Afflecks there, and I hate Ben Affleck.
- Although I must admit, Boston did produce my favorite Real World Paris character. Unfortunately, I missed last night's episode, but I'm looking forward to catching a rerun sometime soon so I can see drunk CT trying to fight everyone, and Adam looking scared.
- Last Friday night I burned my tongue on some ramen. I don't think I've eaten any of that stuff since college, and the first time I give it another chance, it burns my tongue? That pissed me off so much. Anyone want 23 packs of original flavor Ichiban ramen? Cause I bought a whole box and now I don't know if I will be eating the rest. My tongue feels like sandpaper right now and it hurts like hell.
- A fact you may not know is that the typical human taste bud has a lifespan of 7-10 days. So I think instead of healing when they get burned or damaged or whatever, you just have to wait until the new ones take the place of the old. I guess that means that if my current taste buds happened to be "born" on Friday, I still might have another 3 or 4 days of sandpaper-tongue.
- One more sign that my body is getting older is that I can't handle as much second-hand smoke as I used to. I think in college, I breathed in enough smoke from the people I hung out with to account for about the equivalent of a pack of light cigarettes per day, and it never bothered me. But last night, I went to RAM to watch part of the Cubs game with some old friends, and in less than a couple hours of being exposed to their smoke I was sneezing, eyes sore, maybe even a little light headed.
- Speaking of the Cubs game, man, that is why playoff baseball is so awesome. Even though I'm kind of rooting for the Cubs, I'm still watching these games more as an overall "baseball fan", looking for exciting and well-played games. So even though they lost, I enjoyed watching a good battle. Some observations from that game:
1. That Sammy Sosa hop has gotten so ridiculous. I don't know if he does it because fans expect it, or if he just thinks it's fun or what, but it needs to stop.
2. Ugueth Urbina blows. I knew he was gonna give up that game-tying home run as soon as Sosa came up to bat with a man on base. Some pitchers have decent stuff, but they are just way too unclutch to be closers, and especially even more so in the playoffs. This list definitely includes Urbina, as well as people like Billy Koch, Byung-Hyun Kim, Armando Benitez, and Keith Foulke.
3. I don't think I've ever seen an outfield play worse defense than the Marlins in the early innings last night. And then, I saw Alex Gonzalez (of the Marlins) make two of the best defensive plays that might have saved the game in the late innings.
4. I don't think the Cubs have a lot to worry about, with Wood and Prior scheduled to pitch at least 4 games in this series.
5. Those 3 home runs in one inning, I couldn't believe it as it was happening.
- Red Sox vs. Yankees, I think I'm gonna root for the Yankees to win in 7. I kind of wanted to see a Cubs vs. Red Sox World Series, but when they kept showing those Boston fans in that bar during Game 5 of the Oakland series, I just started to really hate them for some reason. It's like a whole bunch of Ben Afflecks there, and I hate Ben Affleck.
- Although I must admit, Boston did produce my favorite Real World Paris character. Unfortunately, I missed last night's episode, but I'm looking forward to catching a rerun sometime soon so I can see drunk CT trying to fight everyone, and Adam looking scared.
Monday, October 06, 2003
Template Issues
I've been having issues with my blog entries not showing up. I think it's something wrong with my template. I'll try to fix it later, but in the meantime, just try to ignore the stripped down look of my blog.
Cubs Talk
Congrats to the Cubs and Cubs fans on moving on to the NLCS. Now that the Braves and Twins are both out, I don't know who to root for anymore. The Chicagoan in me wants to cheer for the Cubs, but something about it still doesn't feel right. But anyways, I think right now I'm somewhere between "indifferent" and "mildly supporting" the Cubs.
Something I wonder about is, what happens if the Cubs actually do win the World Series? I think the world would be turned upside down. I mean, part of the charm of the Cubs is their image as "lovable losers". That's a huge credit to the geniuses at the Tribune Company for successfully marketing this team in the past 20 years or so. Somehow, they packaged an old, aging stadium, an inept, senile announcer, and a team that loses year after year, to gain fans not only in Chicago but around the country and sell out 81 home games a year.
By now, Cubs fans have gotten accustomed to, and even learned to embrace their team's perennial failures. Wouldn't it be so weird if the team suddenly became champions after 90-some years of futility? I mean, one day you are the polar opposite of an organization like the Yankees, a team built on a image of high prestige and consistent success. Next thing you know, you are on the same level, and maybe even considered a superior team to those same vaunted Yankees. I don't know if "anticlimatic" would be the right word, but something would definitely seem really backwards if that happened.
Then, what if after winning the World Series, the team goes back to its losing ways the next year? Will the phrase "when the Cubs win the World Series" go back to being synonymous with phrases like "when hell freezes over" or "when pigs fly"? What about the fans in the bleachers at Wrigley? Will they now be expecting and demanding their team to be competitive every year? Or would they just go right back to the old ways of drinking their beer, not paying attention to the game, and checking out girls? These are questions that truly fascinate me.
Playa University
While I was writing that blog, they were showing the player intros for Monday Night Football, where every guy says their own name and the college they graduated from. When Simeon Rice (Illini product) came up, he said "Simeon Rice, Playa University". Man, he was always a cocky biatch. But I guess if he's right, then I too am an alumni of Playa University. Maybe I should update my resume to reflect this change.
I've been having issues with my blog entries not showing up. I think it's something wrong with my template. I'll try to fix it later, but in the meantime, just try to ignore the stripped down look of my blog.
Cubs Talk
Congrats to the Cubs and Cubs fans on moving on to the NLCS. Now that the Braves and Twins are both out, I don't know who to root for anymore. The Chicagoan in me wants to cheer for the Cubs, but something about it still doesn't feel right. But anyways, I think right now I'm somewhere between "indifferent" and "mildly supporting" the Cubs.
Something I wonder about is, what happens if the Cubs actually do win the World Series? I think the world would be turned upside down. I mean, part of the charm of the Cubs is their image as "lovable losers". That's a huge credit to the geniuses at the Tribune Company for successfully marketing this team in the past 20 years or so. Somehow, they packaged an old, aging stadium, an inept, senile announcer, and a team that loses year after year, to gain fans not only in Chicago but around the country and sell out 81 home games a year.
By now, Cubs fans have gotten accustomed to, and even learned to embrace their team's perennial failures. Wouldn't it be so weird if the team suddenly became champions after 90-some years of futility? I mean, one day you are the polar opposite of an organization like the Yankees, a team built on a image of high prestige and consistent success. Next thing you know, you are on the same level, and maybe even considered a superior team to those same vaunted Yankees. I don't know if "anticlimatic" would be the right word, but something would definitely seem really backwards if that happened.
Then, what if after winning the World Series, the team goes back to its losing ways the next year? Will the phrase "when the Cubs win the World Series" go back to being synonymous with phrases like "when hell freezes over" or "when pigs fly"? What about the fans in the bleachers at Wrigley? Will they now be expecting and demanding their team to be competitive every year? Or would they just go right back to the old ways of drinking their beer, not paying attention to the game, and checking out girls? These are questions that truly fascinate me.
Playa University
While I was writing that blog, they were showing the player intros for Monday Night Football, where every guy says their own name and the college they graduated from. When Simeon Rice (Illini product) came up, he said "Simeon Rice, Playa University". Man, he was always a cocky biatch. But I guess if he's right, then I too am an alumni of Playa University. Maybe I should update my resume to reflect this change.
Thursday, October 02, 2003
For it's root, root root for the...?
So the Cubs/Braves series is tied 1-1. Even though I've always been a Sox fan, I would really like to root for the Cubs to win the World Series, having grown up in Chicago and all. Unfortunately, I think my opinion of this series is somewhere in between "indifferent" and "mildly anti-Cubs". There are a number of reasons for this:
1. Don't like Sammy Sosa. I never have. I hate that little hop he does after hitting a home run, I hate how fake and full of crap he is in interviews, I believe he uses steroids, and knowingly used his corked bat in the game.
2. I like the Braves. Not saying I'm a die-hard fan or anything, but they are probably the only non-Chicago baseball team I have followed from the very beginning of when I first started watching the sport. It's amazing how this team has changed throughout the years, but always finishes on top of their division, season after season. The team really deserves to be in a city that appreciates them more. I would be so ecstatic if they were in Chicago instead of Atlanta. The players are so good too. I wish I could root for true stars like Greg Maddux, Andruw Jones, Gary Sheffield, Chipper Jones, and more.
3. Cubs fans. The hardest part about rooting for the Cubs comes about because of the fans that like to talk trash when their team is finally doing well. In a way, I do understand that after years and years and years and years and years and years and years and years of losing and more losing, there is a lot of pent up frustration such that when the team actually wins, it is all let out in the form of unnecessary trash talking. I mean, I've been through a good number of bad experiences with the Sox, but when they start winning, you don't see me turning into a jackass all of a sudden and saying "Cubs suck" to everyone. Of course, not every Cubs fan is like that, and there are plenty of Sox fans who are not as mature as myself. But there's enough of the stupid Cubs fans out there to make me want to see their team lose so they will just shut up again.
Anyways, if the Cubs win, good for them. I'm not rooting heavily against them; more than anything else, I want to see good exciting playoff baseball games. Also, I think I might as well root for the Twins to go far, that way I won't feel so bad knowing that they owned the Sox in the last few weeks of the season.
So the Cubs/Braves series is tied 1-1. Even though I've always been a Sox fan, I would really like to root for the Cubs to win the World Series, having grown up in Chicago and all. Unfortunately, I think my opinion of this series is somewhere in between "indifferent" and "mildly anti-Cubs". There are a number of reasons for this:
1. Don't like Sammy Sosa. I never have. I hate that little hop he does after hitting a home run, I hate how fake and full of crap he is in interviews, I believe he uses steroids, and knowingly used his corked bat in the game.
2. I like the Braves. Not saying I'm a die-hard fan or anything, but they are probably the only non-Chicago baseball team I have followed from the very beginning of when I first started watching the sport. It's amazing how this team has changed throughout the years, but always finishes on top of their division, season after season. The team really deserves to be in a city that appreciates them more. I would be so ecstatic if they were in Chicago instead of Atlanta. The players are so good too. I wish I could root for true stars like Greg Maddux, Andruw Jones, Gary Sheffield, Chipper Jones, and more.
3. Cubs fans. The hardest part about rooting for the Cubs comes about because of the fans that like to talk trash when their team is finally doing well. In a way, I do understand that after years and years and years and years and years and years and years and years of losing and more losing, there is a lot of pent up frustration such that when the team actually wins, it is all let out in the form of unnecessary trash talking. I mean, I've been through a good number of bad experiences with the Sox, but when they start winning, you don't see me turning into a jackass all of a sudden and saying "Cubs suck" to everyone. Of course, not every Cubs fan is like that, and there are plenty of Sox fans who are not as mature as myself. But there's enough of the stupid Cubs fans out there to make me want to see their team lose so they will just shut up again.
Anyways, if the Cubs win, good for them. I'm not rooting heavily against them; more than anything else, I want to see good exciting playoff baseball games. Also, I think I might as well root for the Twins to go far, that way I won't feel so bad knowing that they owned the Sox in the last few weeks of the season.
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