Fantasy Sports Ramblings

Ok, probably the best thing about the growth of the Internet in the past few years is not the convenient access to news, email, mp3s, or even AOL Instant Messenger. It's fantasy baseball and football. Besides Starcraft, it was probably the single biggest distraction from studying at school. During baseball season, every day I would rush back to my apt after class (or skip class entirely if there was a crucial pitching matchup) so I could watch a game on TV. At nights, when studying at Grainger, I would have to periodically visit the computer lab so I could check how my players were doing. Many times, what was supposed to be a short visit would turn into an hour of watching GameCast.

When football season started, all day Sunday and Monday nights were almost forbidden times to do any school-related work. So basically, during the school year, there is about a 3 or 4 month window in which I was not constantly thinking about my fantasy team. I think it just so happened that I would do the best in my Spring semester classes, especially exam 2, but I may have to look into that in more detail. If Starcraft lowered my cumulative GPA by half a point, fantasy sports probably took care of pretty much the rest for me. Sad but true.

It's a fact that to some extent, fantasy sports has taken away a little bit of the purity of sports fanhood, though this probably applies to some people a lot more than others. I've never really been able to appreciate the talents of Kurt Warner and Marshall Faulk when they would regularly rape my team and put me out of contention every year. I just can't bring myself to like the Rams because it has become my instinct to hate them. Same goes for the Diamondbacks, when Randy Johnson and Curt Schilling destroy the rest of the league by putting up ungodly numbers. On the other hand, I find that I am an even bigger fan of guys like A-Rod, Mariano Rivera, Robb Nen, Alfonso Soriano, Mike Mussina, and yes, even a jackass like Barry Bonds, because they have carried my team so much in past and present years. (I purposely did not mention my specific favorites in football because there is a draft coming up and I know people will try to annoy me by taking my boys early).

A side story on jerseys while I'm on the general topic of sports fanhood: Yesterday I saw a guy wearing a Carolina Panthers Joe Nedney football jersey. It's hard for me to imagine a good reason for spending 40 bucks or so to buy the jersey of a kicker, who isn't even especially good. I can only guess that Joe Nedney is his cousin or maybe he is a really big Panthers fan. Come to think of it, there is not a single player on the Panthers who is good enough to warrant buying a jersey. So I suppose if that guy was indeed a huge Panthers fan, a Nedney jersey is as good as any.

Then again, I bet a lot people are puzzled when they see me wearing my Yankees Mussina jersey T. Even if I was a big Yankees fan, Mussina would probably be among the least common jerseys to get, considering that the team has a wealth of flashier and more popular stars like Jeter, Giambi, Clemens, Soriano, Rivera, Williams, and so on. But of course, there are reasons why I have Mussina. First of all, back in the day I was somewhat of an Orioles fan, when they had guys like Cal Ripken, Scott Erickson, Brady Anderson, Robbie Alomar, Rafael Palmeiro, and my boy Harold Baines. If you liked the Orioles in those years, you had to like the Moose. Then, the first year I joined a fantasy baseball league, I ended up with him on my team, and he turned out to be probably my only good player and most consistent pitcher. So I got him the next year, and the next, to the point where every team I ever owned had to include Mike Mussina. Thus, when my sister told me she was going to New York with her friend, and asked if I wanted anything, I told her to get me a Mussina jersey. Later, I found that wearing it on days he was scheduled to pitch was good luck, and even though I am not a superstitious man, fantasy baseball is fantasy baseball.... quite important to me.

Anyways, I have noticed certain jerseys are so popular these days that it is ridiculous and annoying. Everyone and their mom has an Iverson, Darius Miles, Sosa, Randy Moss, etc. Urlacher #54 is an exception because he is on the Bears and he is awesome. Same goes for Jordan #23 (Bulls only). But nobody I know of has a Mussina #35, so I can rest assured that I won't look silly walking down the street if I pass somebody with the exact same thing on.

Ok, back to what I was talking about originally. The real conflict that fantasy sports poses with real sports is when one of your fantasy players goes up against the team you root for in real life. For example, if Mussina was scheduled to pitch against the Sox. I personally hold myself to the rule that I should always root for the Sox, Bears, etc. over any fantasy players. Even if there is money in it for me in fantasy, I still gotta have unconditional love as a fan, right? So to minimize these conflicts, I often times bench my fantasy players when they go against my teams, and as much as possible I will draft guys from the Sox and Bears, even if they suck. Of course, one exception is like right now, when the Sox basically have no chance of making the playoffs, plus the whole baseball strike talk is turning me off from the game, so I can root for my players over the Sox as much as I feel like.

One thing I have found is that a lot of the time my overall mood is dictated by how my team is doing. That is true of sports in general, though. It just seems like when my team sucks, everything else in life sucks. Food doesn't taste as good, exams tend to be harder, and everything is a chore to do. But when my teams are flying high, so am I. You will be that much more likely to see me walking around with a smile on my face.

In my own experience, fantasy sports has only made being a fan more interesting. Yes, it wastes a lot more time when I end up watching a game like Panthers vs. Seahawks only to root against Shaun Alexander or something, but hey, that's 3 more hours I get an excuse to watch football instead of doing something useful. It's kind of funny if you think about it, I always feel like me watching my players will make them more likely to perform better. Or, I'll say something like "You've got Manning and I got Marvin Harrison, so I'm gonna have to root for more yardage since any touchdowns would cancel out." In reality, it doesn't matter who or what you root for, or how closely you watch them, but I still like to think I am somehow channeling my rooting energy through the TV to make my guys do better.

I'm gonna take this opportunity to list some characteristics that I have deemed important in a girl. (Maybe count this as an addendum or amendment to Dennis' list). Of course, not every guy has the same values as me or Dennis but you should all know what you want in your girl, from the big things to the extremely little things.

1. Understands the importance of fantasy sports - It might be near impossible to find a girl who likes fantasy sports as much as me but I'm happy as long as she doesn't get mad that I pay attention to Alex Rodriguez more than her. Haha just kidding.

2. Appreciates good music - Almost every girl I know of likes today's pop stars like N Sync, Nelly, Ja Rule, Pink, as well as every single mindless dance hit they play in clubs or on the radio. The real question is whether or not a girl can enjoy and value the old school and quality music too.

3. Not a Cubs fan - It's hard to be a legit Sox fan for anyone these days, but I could never be with someone who cheers for those freaking Cubs. I don't expect a girl to like baseball, but if she does, that's a plus. Going with me to a game is always nice too.

4. Likes cars - I don't want an import model or a hoodrat chick, and she doesn't have to change her own oil, just someone who doesn't abuse her car by driving like an idiot and hopefully knows the difference between a BMW 318 and a 330.

5. Not skanky - This is crucial. I don't wanna date a skanky girl.

6. Likes Adam Sandler and the Austin Powers series - If a girl fits this criteria, it means she is not easily offended or disgusted. Basically, she needs a good sense of humor, and to be able to understand my weird sense of humor too.

7. Likes seafood - As someone who loves crab, fish (including the raw variety of course), shrimp, squid, clams, etc., it's hard for me to imagine someone who would not love these things.

8. Plays Starcraft - Ah, yes.

9. Smells nice - Girls are supposed to smell girly, that's one of the best things about them.

Yes, in case you are wondering, Olivia does happen to fit mostly all of these little things, which is a good sign because I had come up with most of them in a mental list a long time before we got together. But it still drives daggers into my heart when she hates on Britney all the time. By the way, I am not sharing this list for her sake, because she doesn't even read my blog. I am writing it down more as some sort of informal record of my thoughts on the subject. Also, maybe it will provide something for people to think about or talk about if they read my blog. And don't mistake this to think like I only care about these things, because there are things that are more important to me of course, I'm not that shallow. It's just a blog, after all, so I'm just writing whatever and don't take it too seriously.

While I'm at it, here are some things I don't care about:

1. Good dancer - I don't dance, so it doesn't really matter if she's the best dancer in the world, makes no difference to me. Then again, I have never met a girl who didn't like to dance. Now if she has a good voice, I definitely dig that a lot.

2. If she has other guy friends - I am not that much of a jealous type. I don't expect to be the center of a girl's life. If she is prone to want someone else when she already has me, then I'm better off without her anyways. It might be even better than her having all girl friends because girls gossip too much. Plus I am pretty secure and I am confident that I'm better than all of her guy friends. tahahaa

3. Cooks and cleans - Honestly, I don't care. Not that I'm against it, if she wants to do it, but I can take care of my own shiznit. Especially if she is gonna complain all the time about doing that stuff, I'd very much rather her not do anything for me. But my future wife has to be good about taking care of kids, that's a different story.

4. Athletic - It don't matter, as long as she's healthy and isn't gonna die of a heart attack at age 35.

5. Money - My love don't cost a thing haha. I don't think a lot of guys look for a rich girl, more the other way around, but I thought I'd list it anyways.

Again, I thought of all these a long time ago so it wasn't meant to apply specifically to Olivia. For example, I know she loves to dance, and she would not complain about cooking or cleaning, that type of thing. It's just good to know what's important to you and what is not, like I already said before. I think everyone should have something like my two lists, or at least a general idea.

So I'm sorry that my mind has strayed so far from my original topic of fantasy sports, but hopefully anybody that has read this far has found my thoughts to be worth your time.

Buy One Get One Free

Last week, I was listening to the radio and a commercial came on for one of those laser eye surgery clinic places. I forget how exactly the ad went, but the gist of it was "I bet you thought laser surgery was too expensive. Don't, we've got the lowest prices around, and the best part is, if you get one eye done, the second is always free!"

I don't know if anyone else has heard this same commercial (I think it was on B96 but I'm not sure, there are like 10 stations I regularly listen to), but hopefully someone out there is just as disturbed as me after hearing it. I mean, it's not like getting eye surgery is very comparable to buying tomatoes at the local supermarket, where they have buy one get one free. Admittedly, a big part of the reason I haven't gotten the surgery is the cost, but just as much a concern is the possibility that they might pork up my eyes and I would go blind for the rest of my life. So really, the last place I'd want to go to is somewhere that is advertising a Buy One Get One Free deal. I'm surprised they haven't sent out 30 cent off coupons in the mail yet, or maybe they have and I missed it. I can only imagine what kind of TV commercials they would do. It would probably turn out like those Eagle Man or Victory Auto Wrecker commercials, something so amateur it's a joke.

And shouldn't it be kind of implied that wherever you go for surgery, they would do both eyes, not just one? Who is gonna pay thousands for someone to fix one eye and not the other? I am guessing the one-eyed pirate portion of their customer population is very limited. Anyways, what am I supposed to do with one good eye, walk around with my hand over the one they didn't fix, looking like a flaming fool? Needless to say, you will not find me frequenting this organization for their services. I will continue to wear my nerdy glasses and struggle with the inconvenience of contacts until my trust is earned by the people in this profession.

Good Songs

My Winamp playlist right now:

Erasure - Chains of Love
Aaliyah - Those Were The Days
India.Arie - Simple
John Mayer - Your Body Is A Wonderland
musiq - dontchange
Clipse - Grindin'
Avril Lavigne - Sk8ter Boi
Ashanti - Happy
Erika - Relations
Sugarcult - Pretty Girl (The Way)
A-Ha - Take On Me
Alice In Chains - Got Me Wrong
Nas - Rule
Dave Matthews Band - Dancing Nancies
Radiohead - Lucky
Ludacris - Hoe-where

Weatherman

I've never understood why weathermen actually have jobs. They don't really seem to do anything useful, other than spew a bunch of garbage about hot and cold fronts. The thing is, I would love weathermen if they could actually tell me what tomorrow's weather would be, but the reality is that they can't. If you asked one to tell you if it would rain tomorrow, they would never give you a straight up "yes" or "no", am I wrong? Instead, they would tell you there is a "40% chance of showers" which honestly doesn't do me any good cause it's pretty much the same as saying "maybe it will rain and maybe it won't." Well, you could've asked me if it will rain and I could tell you the exact same thing. Man, all you gotta do is train a parrot to say "chance of rain" and you've got a weatherman right there.

It just makes me mad because out of the few times I've watched the weather report on TV, the forecast has been wrong almost as much as it has been right. So imagine if you had planned an outdoor activity at Great America or something like that, then you saw the weather report for 90% chance of rain so you canceled it. Wouldn't you be extra pissed if it ended up not raining, having changed all your plans because some chump told you it was gonna pour? It doesn't have to be just about rain, either. I remember once I heard it would be 80-90 degree weather, then I went to a Sox game or something in shorts and a T-Shirt and ended up shivering for three hours. That's just flat out poor, and the last time I'll ever trust one of those so called weather forecasts. I might as well have called up Miss Cleo and asked her for tomorrow's forecast, plus she could tell me if my girlfriend was seeing someone else or turning lesbian.

All this "40% chance of rain" or "highs in the 90's, lows in the 70's" spiel is just designed to be as vague as possible in order to hide the fact that they don't really know all that much about what's gonna happen. If it's summer, I could tell you that it will be somewhere between the 70's and 90's and you don't have to watch the news. And any schmoe who learned about cumulus clouds in 5th grade could probably predict whether it might rain just as well as Tom Frickin Skilling. How I don't have a big ol' billboard in downtown Chicago?

The worst part is that whether or not their predictions turn out to be right or wrong, there's really no consequences for these fools. Nobody is actually gonna go hunt down the weatherman and give him a beatdown for incorrectly predicting rain, so how can they be held accountable? So basically, I think the job of the weatherman is to look like a nice, harmless guy, who people will just watch and listen to without caring whether or not he knows anything. For real, the trick is that nobody can stay mad at a old bald guy like Tom Skilling. He's almost like Santa, or at least something like everyone's favorite uncle or grandpa. If he happens to make a good forecast, then we're all happy for him. If he's dead wrong, well, we can all forgive good old Tom, can't we? Plus, within a day, all is long forgotten. And I bet when he goes out to clubs, all he has to do is walk in and all the ladies would automatically flock to him because he's Tom Skilling, baby.

During my second year of college, my roommate (Anuj) always loved to check www.weather.com every day to see how the day would be. He would be like, "it's so convenient, you should try it," but to me, looking up the weather on the Internet bordered on being one of the queerest things to do. All I'd do was open the window (of my room, not my computer), stick my hand outside for a second or two, and that would be my weather.com right there. Worked just as well, if not better. I don't need a website to tell me if it's hot or cold, if it's raining or clear. Jigga please.

So seriously, why do these "meteorologists" have jobs when Engineers from U of I don't? The whole weather industry is one big sham, if you ask me, kind of like Hallmark. It basically exists to give certain people a chance to go on TV or radio or the Internet and pretend like they know something. And so that someone will actually buy Doppler radars or whatever crap machines it is they use to give us those oh-so-valuable incorrect forecasts. Can I just ask why there is an entire cable channel devoted to weather? I can't imagine anyone other than the most pitiful losers in this world who would actually watch this channel during the day for more than a couple minutes at a time. If you find yourself enjoying the shows they broadcast on The Weather Channel (TWC, as the hip ones call it), it's time to get some help. But you know, if I was good looking enough to be on TV, I'd probably go be a weatherman. I would just spend all day watching sports, and when it was my time to give a report, just make up something about the condensation coming off the lakefront meeting El Nino's grandson and generating dry and rainy weather throughout the day ranging from 0 to 100 degrees in temperature.

Ok, maybe I am being too hard on these weather people. I tend to get bitter about little stuff like this, but to be honest, I pretty much never pay attention to the weather forecasts now because it just doesn't do me any good. I guess if other people get their kicks from listening to someone else tell them what might or might not happen in the following week, then go ahead and don't let me stop you from doing so. Just think about what I'm saying here, cause I'm telling you, these weather people might seem like super smart characters but if it weren't for their fancy graphics and terminology, they wouldn't seem all that great. Overrated, I say.

In The Name of Love... What More In The Name of Love?

So me and Olivia had a "date" yesterday. Is it just me, or does that sound very high school-ish? Do college graduates/med students call these "dates" anymore? Anyways, we had dinner and spent the evening aboard the Spirit of Chicago, one of those 3-level boats that cruises around the lake for a couple hours, giving you a chance to check out the skyline and stuff.

But what I was really gonna write about is the act of buying your girl flowers. I guess I am just more self-conscious, but it seems like every time I do something like this, I am conscious of being surrounded by all sorts of women, young, middle-aged, and elderly alike. Inevitably, the cashier, or the girl behind me in line will be like "awww... isn't that sweet, I wish my boyfriend/fiance/husband would do that" which you might think would make me feel good, but really doesn't make me feel all that great. I mean, I'm sure they are trying to be nice and stuff, but first of all, it makes me seem like I am some sort of super old-fashioned guy who is totally whipped. Also, I can't help but think I just screwed over a whole bunch of guys whose girlfriends/wives are gonna go home and complain like "how come you never do anything special for me" or something like that.

Just to clarify, I don't think of myself as being terribly whipped (not like anyone would think that of themselves) but maybe I am on the old-fashioned side. Not that I do a whole lot, like write songs or poems and serenade my lady, just the basic stuff that a lot of people overlook. I think it depends a lot on the girl. If she cares about stuff like that, maybe it makes her a little more "high-maintenance," but at the same time, I think it's probably worth doing it if the girl appreciates it. So it all depends on the individual girl. There's no point in giving your jacket or shirt to her when it's cold, if she doesn't care for that kind of thing. In that case you will be unnecessarily freezing yourself. Maybe you could consider yourself lucky to have found a girl who is manlier than you.

As for me, I personally think I need a girl who is at least kind of girly and needs me, otherwise I will probably feel inadequate. Not that I especially love buying flowers and that sort of thing, but when I do, it's nice to know that it does make her happy. Usually all it takes is a smile and "thank you" to make it worth that dumb feeling from being around all those other ladies at the time when I'm getting those flowers.

Oh yeah, about the whole flowers thing, I really know basically nothing about flowers. I normally just get roses but I decided to mix it up this time, feeling a bit spice-ay you might say. Anyways, I was just browsing and looking for whatever flowers looked nice and smelled kind of good (I try to look as inconspicuous as possible when smelling flowers in public... don't wanna look too gay, but that unfortunatley leads to less detailed smellage. Good thing I took a class on Sensory Evaluation so I can use such fancy terms, eh?). Other than roses, it's pretty much a random process for me in picking flowers... so I just grabbed the coolest looking bunch and took it to the lady. Turns out that this whole bouquet cost like "ah" (pronounced "ah" like in "crap") dollar. So what's the difference between a $1 bouquet and a $40 or $50 one? Honestly, I have no clue. I'm sure girls would know the difference, though, so I will trust that there is some reason people don't just all buy $1 flowers all the time. But if someone can give me a quick tutorial on what to look for in buying flowers, please hook me up with an explanation. Thanks.

Ok, since my blogs have been too long, I will resist the temptation to drag this subject further. Plus, I can't really think straight right now because I have a song in my head. If you like hip-hoppy stuff and haven't heard "Grindin" by Clipse f. N.O.R.E. f. Lil Wayne f. Baby (I don't know what exactly it is), download it and give it a listen. I don't know why, it seems like such a sucky song when you first hear it but it gets catchy after a while, and all I can say is that it is mad stuck in my brain at this moment.