First Post From Work
Hopefully I don't make a habit of this, but I'm not that busy this morning yet, so why not write a blog.
My excitement is building with every day we get closer to baseball and Opening Day. Since I don't really care who wins the Superbowl, I need the baseball season to start right now. Till then I guess the Illini will have to tide me over.
Speaking of the Illini, man was that a frustrating game to watch yesterday. Losing to that queer-looking bunch of Iowa Hawkeyes is not cool. But at least that queen fairy of them all Puke Retcher isn't on that team anymore. We'll be fine, it's just one loss, but our defense on the road doesn't look so impressive. Especially Stick Smith, he's just terrrrrible.
One thing that doesn't excite me that much is the Sox getting Bartolo Colon. Somehow I think he's just gonna continue the tradition of offseason free agent pitcher acquisitions that come here and don't do jack once the season starts. David Wells started it, then Todd Ritchie continued it and took it to another level of sucking. Have I ever mentioned how much Kenny Williams blows goats? If not, maybe I will have to write a whole blog on that. Maybe when the season starts.
Just got my first Performance Appraisal System (PAS) report done with my supervisor. My score came out to be 3.54, somewhere between "Met Objectives Completely" and "Met and Exceeded Objectives". And apparently I "demonstrate a conscientious attitude" towards my work. Nice. Hopefully next year I can raise my PAS score to the 3.6 level or above?
One thing about my supervisor, he's one of the nicest people you will ever meet. I think he's great, but I have to say it's hilarious to watch him type. He's been here 35 years, is well respected and when he talks at meetings, everyone shuts up and listens. But he still uses the "two index finger poke" system to type on the keyboard. Seriously, it took him like 5 minutes to finish 1 sentence, looking for each letter individually, pressing the button, then looking for the next letter, screwing up, then looking for the backspace button. A little hard for me to avoid snickering in that situation, but I was strong.
Haha that reminds me of when I was trying to teach someone how to play Tekken Tag Tournament. I will protect her identity, but it was a girl and that probably explains the difficulty right there. I think girls just aren't born with the ability to tap buttons quickly on a controller. So that basically rules out pretty much all of the combos and special moves you can do in Tekken. I was like, "OK, tap Circle-Circle-X fast" but no matter how hard she tried, couldn't do it. Now this girl is not stupid, when we took classes together at school, she almost always beat me on the tests. But she just can't tap for the life of her, when to me and most of my boys, it's a way of life.
"Just tap it in... tap it in... tap tap taparoo" - Happy Gilmore
Someone just paged "Frank Thomas" here on the PA system. Once in a while "Jerry Rice" gets paged too. I wonder if those are real guys who work here, or it's just a joke. But those are pretty common names I guess. And I don't think people here would joke around on the PA, cause Security is nothing to mess around with at this place.
Thursday, January 16, 2003
Tuesday, January 14, 2003
Tuesday Thoughts
Last night I went to sleep early (9:30-ish) and today I woke up feeling very refreshed, quite swell, and maybe even a bit spicy, you might say. I wish I could do that every night, but I can't. It's really rather amazing how much difference what an hour's worth of sleep can do for your day.
Anyways, that put me in a good mood to start the day, which was surprisingly not dampened by the 1 hour and 20 minutes spent on the road in the morning commute alone. I didn't even curse the gapers for causing delays.
So we had the first department meeting of the year today, and everyone had to introduce themselves, mostly for the sake of the newer people (like me). There's a couple people there that are around my age, but the rest of them are older. It's weird hearing all these guys saying "I've been working here for 25 years" or "I've been here 35 years" when I haven't even lived that long myself.
I don't know if that will be me in 30 years - managing, supervising, and holla-ing back at the young'ns, and then going home to play with my grandchildren. They all seem pretty happy with where they're at in life though. I wonder if they had any idea they'd be at the same company for so long when they first started out. As for me, I can barely picture where I'll be in 5 years, let alone 20 or 30. One day at a time, I guess.
Something I noticed in the parking lot is that I probably have a more expensive car than all but about 1% of the cars in the lot. While the fact is, I have been at this company and probably make less than about 99% of the people there. Maybe engineers don't care what they drive. One of my managers has a early '90s Buick, and another one drives an old Camry. But what about the corporate people? I'm guessing they just choose to drive the crappier car to work, with the snow and all, while saving the M5 or Porsche for the weekend pimping. Well, for me it's either the G or the minivan.
Or I could take the Skyline:
It's kind of small though, and the driver's seat is on the right. Too bad.
I just realized that I missed watching High School Reunion on Sunday. I guess I am just not very easily hooked on those kinds of shows. It's too much trouble to remember when everything is on, that's why I prefer Real World cause MTV shows those marathons all the time and I can catch up on all the episodes at once.
Oh, and I went to Cub Foods the other day to pick up some stuff for making my lunch, and I looked for Squeeze-its. But I'm sorry to say, they were nowhere to be found. I will have to look at Dominicks or Jewel, the more high-class supermarkets.
Hey by the way, there is a sale this week at Dominicks starting Thursday, 5 for $10 Jack's Frozen Pizza. That's right, for a mere $2 each, you too can own up to 5 of these delightful creations. All it takes is a little bit of preheating and 12 minutes in the oven, and it's ready to eat. Then you could be like Kevin McAllister and say, "A lovely cheese pizza, just for me."
Last night I went to sleep early (9:30-ish) and today I woke up feeling very refreshed, quite swell, and maybe even a bit spicy, you might say. I wish I could do that every night, but I can't. It's really rather amazing how much difference what an hour's worth of sleep can do for your day.
Anyways, that put me in a good mood to start the day, which was surprisingly not dampened by the 1 hour and 20 minutes spent on the road in the morning commute alone. I didn't even curse the gapers for causing delays.
So we had the first department meeting of the year today, and everyone had to introduce themselves, mostly for the sake of the newer people (like me). There's a couple people there that are around my age, but the rest of them are older. It's weird hearing all these guys saying "I've been working here for 25 years" or "I've been here 35 years" when I haven't even lived that long myself.
I don't know if that will be me in 30 years - managing, supervising, and holla-ing back at the young'ns, and then going home to play with my grandchildren. They all seem pretty happy with where they're at in life though. I wonder if they had any idea they'd be at the same company for so long when they first started out. As for me, I can barely picture where I'll be in 5 years, let alone 20 or 30. One day at a time, I guess.
Something I noticed in the parking lot is that I probably have a more expensive car than all but about 1% of the cars in the lot. While the fact is, I have been at this company and probably make less than about 99% of the people there. Maybe engineers don't care what they drive. One of my managers has a early '90s Buick, and another one drives an old Camry. But what about the corporate people? I'm guessing they just choose to drive the crappier car to work, with the snow and all, while saving the M5 or Porsche for the weekend pimping. Well, for me it's either the G or the minivan.
Or I could take the Skyline:
It's kind of small though, and the driver's seat is on the right. Too bad.
I just realized that I missed watching High School Reunion on Sunday. I guess I am just not very easily hooked on those kinds of shows. It's too much trouble to remember when everything is on, that's why I prefer Real World cause MTV shows those marathons all the time and I can catch up on all the episodes at once.
Oh, and I went to Cub Foods the other day to pick up some stuff for making my lunch, and I looked for Squeeze-its. But I'm sorry to say, they were nowhere to be found. I will have to look at Dominicks or Jewel, the more high-class supermarkets.
Hey by the way, there is a sale this week at Dominicks starting Thursday, 5 for $10 Jack's Frozen Pizza. That's right, for a mere $2 each, you too can own up to 5 of these delightful creations. All it takes is a little bit of preheating and 12 minutes in the oven, and it's ready to eat. Then you could be like Kevin McAllister and say, "A lovely cheese pizza, just for me."
Sunday, January 12, 2003
At the Movies
It seems like I have been watching a lot more movies the past couple years than before. Watching movies is almost like a way of life now, that I wonder what people used to do before movies were so popular, when there were no AMC 30 screen theaters, no student discounts, and when high school kids still spent their time studying and doing homework.
Well on the news the other day, they were talking about how the movie industry set another record high in revenue for 2002, breaking the record set in 2001 by a big margin. So I guess I am not the only one who has been watching more movies lately.
One thing I wonder though: is it just me, or do movie previews seem much lamer these days? Almost all of the previews I have seen lately kind of really suck. They don't give me much to look forward to. Except maybe for the movie with DMX and Jet Li. That preview was so good that I don't even remember the name of the movie. But I do know it comes out Feb. 28th. Hopefully DMX is in this movie more than he was in Romeo Must Die. When he got shot in that movie, it was one of the all time biggest "WTF" moments I have ever experienced in any movie.
Anyways, my plan for this blog was to give some reviews on the movies I've watched most recently, within a couple weeks. I'm not a professional critic but here is my take on the following flicks:
About Schmidt
A lot of people haven't heard anything at all about this movie, including myself, up until 2 weeks ago. It's nice to go into a theater and not know what to expect of what you are about to watch, unless of course the movie ends up sucking really bad regardless of expectations. But this one was pretty good. It's basically about an old guy dealing with life after retirement and after his wife dies. Played by Jack Nicholson, who is hilarious. I have a renewed sense of respect for his acting abilities after watching this movie.
There was one really unfortunate part of the movie, which was the scene involving the mom from the Waterboy and the hot tub.
Other than that, it was a good movie to make you think, kind of like the stuff I wrote on life a while ago in this blog. I learned two major lessons from this film:
1. It doesn't matter if you are a 60 year old guy who can retire comfortably after a long career in the insurance industry, or a 6 year old orphan boy in Africa who is malnourished and probably suffering from a load of diseases. Everyone has problems, "it's-all-relative". So in the end, it's how you deal with your problems that actually makes one life different from another.
2. The world waits for no one. Sometimes I think life would be great if you could freeze time and have nothing ever change. But this is impossible. People change, situations change, very few things stay the same over time. With this in mind, we shouldn't be wasting time trying to control our surroundings, we should learn to take things as they come without putting too much stock in the future.
Lord of the Rings - Fellowship of the Ring, The Two Towers
Finally I got to watch these movies, the first on DVD and the second at the theater. One thing I've always wondered is, what was it like 20-25 years ago when the original Star Wars movies were coming out? I don't think LOTR is quite as huge, but it has to be pretty close, in terms of the excitement and hype generated.
And surprisingly, these movies actually live up to the hype. The story is good, of course, but more than that, I don't know if I have ever been so impressed with the visuals of a movie as in LOTR. Maybe it wasn't the most technologically advanced special effects, but watching the movie in the theater is one of those experiences you will probably have to see for yourself to understand what I'm saying. Watching it reminds me of some of the parts in Crouching Tiger, when the music, the scenery and the plot all fit together seamlessly and it really feels like it's more than just another movie on the big screen.
25th Hour
"A Spike Lee Joint" Why does he call it that anyways? Do people actually think that's cool? How many good Spike Lee Joints can you think of? I'm sure there's probably a couple, but when I hear his name, the first thing I usually think of isn't awesome movies. It's those old Nike commercials with Jordan and Mars Blackman.
Well, I didn't really see this movie cause it was directed by Spike Lee. More because I respect Edward Norton's abilities, and also because Nina and Vira said it was supposed to be good. So, in spite of Anna Paquin's skankiness, I had pretty high expectations for this movie going in, and I came out only partly satisfied.
It was one of those movies that is supposed to make you think, which is good. Basically, it's about Edward Norton's last day before he has to go to jail for dealing drugs. After the movie, I thought it was funny that P and Greg said "it's just kind of like how you feel the day before you have to go back to work, after a vacation or something, except worse." Yeah, worse in that you would have to worry about being raped by 300 pound criminals, not just having to wake up earlier.
Philip Seymour Hoffman is also in the movie. I can't think of what other movies I have seen him in, but all I gotta say is, he just plain looks like a pedophile. I mean, maybe he is the most normal guy around, but if I had a daughter, I'd make sure to keep her away from that man.
Overall, not a bad movie. Could've been better, could've been worse. I still like Edward Norton, he is one of my favorite actors/actresses of all time, up there with Harrison Ford, Macaulay Culkin, Gwyneth, and Britney Spears.
It seems like I have been watching a lot more movies the past couple years than before. Watching movies is almost like a way of life now, that I wonder what people used to do before movies were so popular, when there were no AMC 30 screen theaters, no student discounts, and when high school kids still spent their time studying and doing homework.
Well on the news the other day, they were talking about how the movie industry set another record high in revenue for 2002, breaking the record set in 2001 by a big margin. So I guess I am not the only one who has been watching more movies lately.
One thing I wonder though: is it just me, or do movie previews seem much lamer these days? Almost all of the previews I have seen lately kind of really suck. They don't give me much to look forward to. Except maybe for the movie with DMX and Jet Li. That preview was so good that I don't even remember the name of the movie. But I do know it comes out Feb. 28th. Hopefully DMX is in this movie more than he was in Romeo Must Die. When he got shot in that movie, it was one of the all time biggest "WTF" moments I have ever experienced in any movie.
Anyways, my plan for this blog was to give some reviews on the movies I've watched most recently, within a couple weeks. I'm not a professional critic but here is my take on the following flicks:
About Schmidt
A lot of people haven't heard anything at all about this movie, including myself, up until 2 weeks ago. It's nice to go into a theater and not know what to expect of what you are about to watch, unless of course the movie ends up sucking really bad regardless of expectations. But this one was pretty good. It's basically about an old guy dealing with life after retirement and after his wife dies. Played by Jack Nicholson, who is hilarious. I have a renewed sense of respect for his acting abilities after watching this movie.
There was one really unfortunate part of the movie, which was the scene involving the mom from the Waterboy and the hot tub.
Other than that, it was a good movie to make you think, kind of like the stuff I wrote on life a while ago in this blog. I learned two major lessons from this film:
1. It doesn't matter if you are a 60 year old guy who can retire comfortably after a long career in the insurance industry, or a 6 year old orphan boy in Africa who is malnourished and probably suffering from a load of diseases. Everyone has problems, "it's-all-relative". So in the end, it's how you deal with your problems that actually makes one life different from another.
2. The world waits for no one. Sometimes I think life would be great if you could freeze time and have nothing ever change. But this is impossible. People change, situations change, very few things stay the same over time. With this in mind, we shouldn't be wasting time trying to control our surroundings, we should learn to take things as they come without putting too much stock in the future.
Lord of the Rings - Fellowship of the Ring, The Two Towers
Finally I got to watch these movies, the first on DVD and the second at the theater. One thing I've always wondered is, what was it like 20-25 years ago when the original Star Wars movies were coming out? I don't think LOTR is quite as huge, but it has to be pretty close, in terms of the excitement and hype generated.
And surprisingly, these movies actually live up to the hype. The story is good, of course, but more than that, I don't know if I have ever been so impressed with the visuals of a movie as in LOTR. Maybe it wasn't the most technologically advanced special effects, but watching the movie in the theater is one of those experiences you will probably have to see for yourself to understand what I'm saying. Watching it reminds me of some of the parts in Crouching Tiger, when the music, the scenery and the plot all fit together seamlessly and it really feels like it's more than just another movie on the big screen.
25th Hour
"A Spike Lee Joint" Why does he call it that anyways? Do people actually think that's cool? How many good Spike Lee Joints can you think of? I'm sure there's probably a couple, but when I hear his name, the first thing I usually think of isn't awesome movies. It's those old Nike commercials with Jordan and Mars Blackman.
Well, I didn't really see this movie cause it was directed by Spike Lee. More because I respect Edward Norton's abilities, and also because Nina and Vira said it was supposed to be good. So, in spite of Anna Paquin's skankiness, I had pretty high expectations for this movie going in, and I came out only partly satisfied.
It was one of those movies that is supposed to make you think, which is good. Basically, it's about Edward Norton's last day before he has to go to jail for dealing drugs. After the movie, I thought it was funny that P and Greg said "it's just kind of like how you feel the day before you have to go back to work, after a vacation or something, except worse." Yeah, worse in that you would have to worry about being raped by 300 pound criminals, not just having to wake up earlier.
Philip Seymour Hoffman is also in the movie. I can't think of what other movies I have seen him in, but all I gotta say is, he just plain looks like a pedophile. I mean, maybe he is the most normal guy around, but if I had a daughter, I'd make sure to keep her away from that man.
Overall, not a bad movie. Could've been better, could've been worse. I still like Edward Norton, he is one of my favorite actors/actresses of all time, up there with Harrison Ford, Macaulay Culkin, Gwyneth, and Britney Spears.
Thursday, January 09, 2003
A Day In The Life
Work - Today was pretty much like any other day at work, except I got my clearance from the Department of Defense. Now I can officially authorize and handle "Secret" material. It's a weird feeling, kind of like an angel getting his wings, except it's me getting my 2 stars, and also I didn't do anything to earn them. Other than not joining a terrorist organization or plotting the violent overthrow of the United States government.
Woodfield - I had to stop by Woodfield to exchange/return a scarf and gloves for my sister. The stuff was from J. Crew, but for some reason my sister put it in a Express bag. So since I wasn't really paying attention, I just went straight to Express. I was supposed to look to see if there were any of that style of gloves to exchange (cause the ones she got had a hole in them), and if not, I was instructed to return them.
Of course, I am almost never in Express, and when I am, it's usually with a girl. I knew it would feel weird to be walking around that store by myself, but I seriously felt like I was sticking out like a sore thumb, like I was naked or something. And as I had no idea where the gloves might be located, I decided to ask one of the chicks working there. She pointed to the back left corner and said "go all the way to the wall, then they will be on your right. I looked at the back left corner, and noted that it was all underwear. "Hmmm...." I thought to myself, is she trying to make me look dumb by sending me to bra and thongs section?
But I went anyways, and the gloves ended up being kind of where she pointed, but not exactly. I was kind of pissed at that chick because it's hard to be looking around an area surrounded by bras and stuff without feeling weird. Maybe I am just immature, but still.
Anyways, I didn't find the same pair of gloves so I got in line to return the ones I brought. I waited for at least 10 minutes in line, and when I finally got to the counter and gave the girl the gloves and receipt, she looked at it for a second, then looked at me funny, and said "uhh these are from J. Crew." Sweet, didn't I look like a dumbass. And no wonder they didn't have that pair of gloves. I was in the thong section feeling red for nothing. So I was like "my bad" and scurried out of that store as fast as I could to head to J. Crew.
Finally I went to J. Crew. They didn't have the gloves either, so I returned them and put it back on my sister's J. Crew card. One stupid thing I noticed is that I still had to sign, and that she briefly glanced at my sister's signature on the card and compared it to my signature before giving it back to me. Since I signed my own name, there's no way the two signatures could have even remotely matched, but I guess she was already in the motion of giving me back my card so who cares. Why should I have to sign anyways, I'm putting the credit back on that freaking card anyways, it's not like it's going to me.
Dave & Busters - A friend from church is moving to Cali for a job, so we had a little dinner and party for her at D&B's. I used to think it was annoying that they were strict about people being 21 and over, or escorted and whatnot. But, now I think it is nice to not be surrounded by punk high school kids whenever I go somewhere. I swear, every place I go there are these loud annoying high schoolers, whether it's the movie theater, mall, Streets of Woodfield, Great America, EVERY DAMN PLACE.
I have to wonder, were we this obnoxious 5 or 6 years ago? I think the answer is a clear and emphatic no. In high school:
1) I was always doing homework
2) I didn't have a car until senior year
3) I didn't have money to burn
Now you see all these kids putting turbo kits on their Acura RSX's and racing around town till 2 in the morning. WHAT THE FLUX IS GOING ON.
Another nice thing about D&B's (in Addison) is that it has Daytona USA, the original. That is one of the best arcade games ever made, without question in my mind. Not many places still carry Daytona.
Home - Came home, my mom and dad were watching Lord of the Rings which me and Olivia rented last Sunday but havent returned yet. I thought that was funny, my mom and dad watching Lord of the Rings. That really doesn't seem like their type of movie.
Read some blogs before writing this one. Since Stork was writing about entropy, that reminds me of something that I was thinking about once. The concept of entropy basically says that things always move from a state of order to disorder, never the opposite unless energy is added to the system. The most common example to illustrate this is the order of your bedroom, it only gets messier and messier, not cleaner and cleaner, unless you expend energy to clean it.
This is one of the fundamental laws of thermodynamics (I forget which one exactly), which all scientists pretty much agree on. Modern science also subscribes to the theory of evolution as the origin of life, over the concept of divine creation. Now, if you think about it, the concept of entropy really should dispel the idea that out of nothing (or a pool of "life soup"), came bacteria, then multi-celled organisms, then plants and animals and eventually humans, all by the process of evolution alone.
Instead, one would have to think that some outside force must have been working and putting energy into the process of evolution to make it work. Remember, the laws of entropy require that disorderly states do not become orderly without energy being put in to the system.
My conclusion: scientists and supposed scholars contradict themselves when trying to disprove the existence of God by "scientific logic." I believe in the validity of evolution as a process, but I do not believe it means life came out of nowhere. Look at how complex human beings are, not only physically but also mentally. And even more complex and intriguing is the spiritual side, which I have no doubt exists in all of us. Can a series of random events, uncontrolled mutations of DNA really result in what we are today, even after billions or trillions of years? No, there must be some force acting that has driven us to become the highly developed species walking around right now. Basic thermodynamic laws tell us this much.
Hopefully, I didn't lose anyone there in my logic. It makes sense to me, but maybe only because I am dead tired.
Work - Today was pretty much like any other day at work, except I got my clearance from the Department of Defense. Now I can officially authorize and handle "Secret" material. It's a weird feeling, kind of like an angel getting his wings, except it's me getting my 2 stars, and also I didn't do anything to earn them. Other than not joining a terrorist organization or plotting the violent overthrow of the United States government.
Woodfield - I had to stop by Woodfield to exchange/return a scarf and gloves for my sister. The stuff was from J. Crew, but for some reason my sister put it in a Express bag. So since I wasn't really paying attention, I just went straight to Express. I was supposed to look to see if there were any of that style of gloves to exchange (cause the ones she got had a hole in them), and if not, I was instructed to return them.
Of course, I am almost never in Express, and when I am, it's usually with a girl. I knew it would feel weird to be walking around that store by myself, but I seriously felt like I was sticking out like a sore thumb, like I was naked or something. And as I had no idea where the gloves might be located, I decided to ask one of the chicks working there. She pointed to the back left corner and said "go all the way to the wall, then they will be on your right. I looked at the back left corner, and noted that it was all underwear. "Hmmm...." I thought to myself, is she trying to make me look dumb by sending me to bra and thongs section?
But I went anyways, and the gloves ended up being kind of where she pointed, but not exactly. I was kind of pissed at that chick because it's hard to be looking around an area surrounded by bras and stuff without feeling weird. Maybe I am just immature, but still.
Anyways, I didn't find the same pair of gloves so I got in line to return the ones I brought. I waited for at least 10 minutes in line, and when I finally got to the counter and gave the girl the gloves and receipt, she looked at it for a second, then looked at me funny, and said "uhh these are from J. Crew." Sweet, didn't I look like a dumbass. And no wonder they didn't have that pair of gloves. I was in the thong section feeling red for nothing. So I was like "my bad" and scurried out of that store as fast as I could to head to J. Crew.
Finally I went to J. Crew. They didn't have the gloves either, so I returned them and put it back on my sister's J. Crew card. One stupid thing I noticed is that I still had to sign, and that she briefly glanced at my sister's signature on the card and compared it to my signature before giving it back to me. Since I signed my own name, there's no way the two signatures could have even remotely matched, but I guess she was already in the motion of giving me back my card so who cares. Why should I have to sign anyways, I'm putting the credit back on that freaking card anyways, it's not like it's going to me.
Dave & Busters - A friend from church is moving to Cali for a job, so we had a little dinner and party for her at D&B's. I used to think it was annoying that they were strict about people being 21 and over, or escorted and whatnot. But, now I think it is nice to not be surrounded by punk high school kids whenever I go somewhere. I swear, every place I go there are these loud annoying high schoolers, whether it's the movie theater, mall, Streets of Woodfield, Great America, EVERY DAMN PLACE.
I have to wonder, were we this obnoxious 5 or 6 years ago? I think the answer is a clear and emphatic no. In high school:
1) I was always doing homework
2) I didn't have a car until senior year
3) I didn't have money to burn
Now you see all these kids putting turbo kits on their Acura RSX's and racing around town till 2 in the morning. WHAT THE FLUX IS GOING ON.
Another nice thing about D&B's (in Addison) is that it has Daytona USA, the original. That is one of the best arcade games ever made, without question in my mind. Not many places still carry Daytona.
Home - Came home, my mom and dad were watching Lord of the Rings which me and Olivia rented last Sunday but havent returned yet. I thought that was funny, my mom and dad watching Lord of the Rings. That really doesn't seem like their type of movie.
Read some blogs before writing this one. Since Stork was writing about entropy, that reminds me of something that I was thinking about once. The concept of entropy basically says that things always move from a state of order to disorder, never the opposite unless energy is added to the system. The most common example to illustrate this is the order of your bedroom, it only gets messier and messier, not cleaner and cleaner, unless you expend energy to clean it.
This is one of the fundamental laws of thermodynamics (I forget which one exactly), which all scientists pretty much agree on. Modern science also subscribes to the theory of evolution as the origin of life, over the concept of divine creation. Now, if you think about it, the concept of entropy really should dispel the idea that out of nothing (or a pool of "life soup"), came bacteria, then multi-celled organisms, then plants and animals and eventually humans, all by the process of evolution alone.
Instead, one would have to think that some outside force must have been working and putting energy into the process of evolution to make it work. Remember, the laws of entropy require that disorderly states do not become orderly without energy being put in to the system.
My conclusion: scientists and supposed scholars contradict themselves when trying to disprove the existence of God by "scientific logic." I believe in the validity of evolution as a process, but I do not believe it means life came out of nowhere. Look at how complex human beings are, not only physically but also mentally. And even more complex and intriguing is the spiritual side, which I have no doubt exists in all of us. Can a series of random events, uncontrolled mutations of DNA really result in what we are today, even after billions or trillions of years? No, there must be some force acting that has driven us to become the highly developed species walking around right now. Basic thermodynamic laws tell us this much.
Hopefully, I didn't lose anyone there in my logic. It makes sense to me, but maybe only because I am dead tired.
Wednesday, January 08, 2003
Insomnia
I think one of the worst feelings to experience is not being able to fall asleep. It drives me nuts that I can be so tired throughout a whole day, struggling to keep my eyes open at work, then when I finally get to my bed, I lie there for like 40 minutes, wide awake.
It's been a long time since I have slept well, and I wish I knew why. One thing is that I seem to always be thinking about stuff. I try to clear my head, but so many things are on my mind.
They're not always deep or stressful thoughts, but all kinds of stuff clutters my brain. I get excited that baseball spring training is only a couple months away. I think about a game of Starcraft and what I could have done to play better. I think about work, about friends, about Olivia, about my future.
Sometimes people ask me how I always have weird ideas for blogs. Or, how I always seem to write so much. Well, I think the answer to both is that my blog is just a reflection of my life. Throughout the day, I've been spending a lot of time in personal thought, some of it is by choice, other times, I wish I could just relax and not think about anything. It's not like I sit around thinking "what should I write for my blog?" but more that I have so many random thoughts and the most accessible outlet these days for me is this blog.
The past year has been a tough year, among other things. And after talking to some of my friends, it seems that they have gone through (and may still be going through) tough times of their own. In my life, I don't think I really ever went through any identity crisis or anything when I became a teenager, or when I went through high school and college. As I have written before, the first 21 and a half years of my life were somewhat of a honeymoon for me, in that everything was laid out for me and that there were few things for me to doubt.
But right now, I think I'm going through maybe a mini-identity crisis. No, I'm not gonna quit my job and go pursue a life of painting or something. But I often wonder, where do I stand and where am I going? I've graduated college and found a job, now what?
I used to look up to people in my position and say to myself, "that is where I want to be. That is what I work hard for." And here I am, having essentially reached my goal. Who do I look up to now? What should I work hard for?
Even though I still admire my dad and respect him for being much older and wiser than me, he's no longer the invincible master of all knowledge and undisputed authority in everything. A lot of people see this earlier in life, but the realization that my parents are as imperfectly human as anyone else has only struck me in recent times.
So this is a time for me where the one feeling that seems to blanket all of my thoughts is one of ambivalence. For example, I feel too old to be buying clothes from places like Abercrombie, but I'm not ready for shopping at Marshall Fields or Nordstrom for stuff my mom or dad would wear. I feel like I should be past the college habits of sleeping late, going out to bars, etc., but at the same time I feel too young to leave that all behind now and start going to theater and musicals instead, drinking brandy instead of beer and listening to Kenny G and Celine Dion instead of Nelly and Britney Spears.
I don't think I want to be dating "just for fun" like in high school or college, but marriage and settling down with kids feels like it should be at least a few years away. And I know it's only a matter of time before I will move out from my mom and dad's house, but on second thought, am I really ready to live on my own, alone in this world? Scary.
As always, I've wandered far from my original topic. And of course, I don't really have any answers or solutions for myself. I'm just babbling here. At least now you know that I can't fall asleep, and maybe you know a little bit about why. But yeah, it sucks.
I think one of the worst feelings to experience is not being able to fall asleep. It drives me nuts that I can be so tired throughout a whole day, struggling to keep my eyes open at work, then when I finally get to my bed, I lie there for like 40 minutes, wide awake.
It's been a long time since I have slept well, and I wish I knew why. One thing is that I seem to always be thinking about stuff. I try to clear my head, but so many things are on my mind.
They're not always deep or stressful thoughts, but all kinds of stuff clutters my brain. I get excited that baseball spring training is only a couple months away. I think about a game of Starcraft and what I could have done to play better. I think about work, about friends, about Olivia, about my future.
Sometimes people ask me how I always have weird ideas for blogs. Or, how I always seem to write so much. Well, I think the answer to both is that my blog is just a reflection of my life. Throughout the day, I've been spending a lot of time in personal thought, some of it is by choice, other times, I wish I could just relax and not think about anything. It's not like I sit around thinking "what should I write for my blog?" but more that I have so many random thoughts and the most accessible outlet these days for me is this blog.
The past year has been a tough year, among other things. And after talking to some of my friends, it seems that they have gone through (and may still be going through) tough times of their own. In my life, I don't think I really ever went through any identity crisis or anything when I became a teenager, or when I went through high school and college. As I have written before, the first 21 and a half years of my life were somewhat of a honeymoon for me, in that everything was laid out for me and that there were few things for me to doubt.
But right now, I think I'm going through maybe a mini-identity crisis. No, I'm not gonna quit my job and go pursue a life of painting or something. But I often wonder, where do I stand and where am I going? I've graduated college and found a job, now what?
I used to look up to people in my position and say to myself, "that is where I want to be. That is what I work hard for." And here I am, having essentially reached my goal. Who do I look up to now? What should I work hard for?
Even though I still admire my dad and respect him for being much older and wiser than me, he's no longer the invincible master of all knowledge and undisputed authority in everything. A lot of people see this earlier in life, but the realization that my parents are as imperfectly human as anyone else has only struck me in recent times.
So this is a time for me where the one feeling that seems to blanket all of my thoughts is one of ambivalence. For example, I feel too old to be buying clothes from places like Abercrombie, but I'm not ready for shopping at Marshall Fields or Nordstrom for stuff my mom or dad would wear. I feel like I should be past the college habits of sleeping late, going out to bars, etc., but at the same time I feel too young to leave that all behind now and start going to theater and musicals instead, drinking brandy instead of beer and listening to Kenny G and Celine Dion instead of Nelly and Britney Spears.
I don't think I want to be dating "just for fun" like in high school or college, but marriage and settling down with kids feels like it should be at least a few years away. And I know it's only a matter of time before I will move out from my mom and dad's house, but on second thought, am I really ready to live on my own, alone in this world? Scary.
As always, I've wandered far from my original topic. And of course, I don't really have any answers or solutions for myself. I'm just babbling here. At least now you know that I can't fall asleep, and maybe you know a little bit about why. But yeah, it sucks.
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