Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
The holidays are now passed, but still wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy 2006. Hope everyone got lots of nice presents and quality time with their loved ones. I had the last week off, which is always great. My whole family was gone on vacation, so it didn't feel all that "Christmas-y". But I still had a good break, and am sad to say that it ends today.
My Christmas present to myself was the White Sox World Series DVD, probably a "must-have" this year for a Sox fan such as myself. I have to admit, I was a little underwhelmed with the DVD, as it seemed more of a recap of events, and not really done with a fan's perspective in mind. The "behind the scenes" stuff was limited, and overall they probably should have included more than the 75 minutes of running time. If you are a Sox fan that hasn't gotten the DVD yet, I'd say just borrow mine, and then wait for the expanded DVD set to come out in the spring.
I watched the Chronic-what-cles of Narnia. I thought this movie was pretty good. It's not as polished or exciting as the Lord of the Rings movies, but I remember reading these books when I was younger and wishing there was a movie about them. And they did a pretty respectable job with it, so I was happy. If you've never read the books, or you are expecting really grand special effects like Star Wars or LOTR, then it might not be for you.
Also saw Lock, Stock, and 2 Smoking Barrels for the first time. It's been a while since I watched a movie on VHS, so it was kind of a nostalgic feeling to have to be messing with tracking and thinking about rewinding the tape after finishing the movie. This was a good movie though. Much like Snatch, which I also liked.
Speaking of nostalgia, I played some old school 8-bit Nintendo, and not just any Nintendo, but "Chinese Nintendo" (actually Japanese Famicom). Some of the old school games I think never made it to the US, like Ice Climber or Circus. The best were Tetris and Super Mario 3 though. A few days later, I had a chance to play Madden on XBox 360 (not mine, at a friend's house). The graphics were so amazing that I can almost understand people paying 900 bucks on eBay to get one. Almost, but not quite.
Finally, let me say that I think this whole "Open Road Tolling" thing is such a sham. It looked cool in the pictures for some reason, so I was excited at first. But after months of construction, and the traffic slowdows and money spent along with it, what was it all for? 3 I-Pass lanes instead of 2? I've been an I-Pass user for longer than most people, but I don't like what I'm seeing with all this. Aren't tolls supposed to be temporary? It's like once the government has a source of income, they never want to give it up. If you want to encourage people to switch to I-Pass, why not discount the I-Pass tolls instead of jacking up the cash tolls? And is it only a matter of time before they start giving out speeding tickets by tracking the times you pass through tolls?
Monday, January 02, 2006
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Girls' View of Alba vs. Spears
Why is it that most girls don't have a problem with guys thinking Jessica Alba is hot, but freak out if you say the same thing about Britney Spears?
As someone who has made his admiration of Britney well known to everyone in the past few years, I have caught my share of negative reactions from girls. Some will acknowledge that she is attractive, but harp on her for being a hoe and lacking talent. Others won't even acknowledge that she's pretty, they just plain hate her.
I always figured it was just due to jealousy. But when I tell girls that I think Jessica Alba is hot, about 95% of them are so quick to agree with me, and I can't remember a single time I was ever chastised for expressing that opinion.
The thing is, if you stop and think about it, you could argue that Jessica Alba is less talented and done far less as an actress, than Britney has done as a pop singer. Although I enjoyed Dark Angel while it lasted, and thought Honey was a mildly entertaining movie, I don't think either of those performances compares to the accomplishments of Britney Spears in the music world.
So it can't just be jealousy, can it? I mean, if you want to rag on Britney cause you think she's a no-talent hack, how can you like Jessica then? Maybe I'm just missing something here.
*****
Wow... Possibly the funniest thing I have ever seen, in the pregame studio segment before the Illini/Mizzou game today, Rick Majerus said "You know, I'm not a big Gay guy".
What he meant was that he wasn't a big fan of UConn's Rudy Gay, but that didn't stop me from almost dying of laughter. Rick Majerus.... big Gay guy.... muahahaha
Steve Lavin next to him was noticeably trying not to crack up too. Oh man.... moments like those make me wish I had a TiVo. If anyone has a clip of that recorded please oh please send it to me!
Edit - By the way, here is a picture of Rick Majerus for those of you who don't know what he looks like:
Why is it that most girls don't have a problem with guys thinking Jessica Alba is hot, but freak out if you say the same thing about Britney Spears?
As someone who has made his admiration of Britney well known to everyone in the past few years, I have caught my share of negative reactions from girls. Some will acknowledge that she is attractive, but harp on her for being a hoe and lacking talent. Others won't even acknowledge that she's pretty, they just plain hate her.
I always figured it was just due to jealousy. But when I tell girls that I think Jessica Alba is hot, about 95% of them are so quick to agree with me, and I can't remember a single time I was ever chastised for expressing that opinion.
The thing is, if you stop and think about it, you could argue that Jessica Alba is less talented and done far less as an actress, than Britney has done as a pop singer. Although I enjoyed Dark Angel while it lasted, and thought Honey was a mildly entertaining movie, I don't think either of those performances compares to the accomplishments of Britney Spears in the music world.
So it can't just be jealousy, can it? I mean, if you want to rag on Britney cause you think she's a no-talent hack, how can you like Jessica then? Maybe I'm just missing something here.
*****
Wow... Possibly the funniest thing I have ever seen, in the pregame studio segment before the Illini/Mizzou game today, Rick Majerus said "You know, I'm not a big Gay guy".
What he meant was that he wasn't a big fan of UConn's Rudy Gay, but that didn't stop me from almost dying of laughter. Rick Majerus.... big Gay guy.... muahahaha
Steve Lavin next to him was noticeably trying not to crack up too. Oh man.... moments like those make me wish I had a TiVo. If anyone has a clip of that recorded please oh please send it to me!
Edit - By the way, here is a picture of Rick Majerus for those of you who don't know what he looks like:
Monday, December 19, 2005
March of the Penguins
Over the weekend, I watched March of the Penguins on DVD. I'm kind of bitter about the situation because back when the movie first came out in the theaters, and I told people I wanted to see it, I got all kinds of weird looks. Either "what the heck is March of the Penguins" looks, or "I know what it is, why the heck would you want to watch a movie about penguins?" looks.
But then as time went by, I kept hearing from friends who went to see the movie, and pretty much every one of them said it was good. To make things worse, some of them were the same people who gave me those weird looks before!
Anyways, I'm glad I finally got to see the movie and I did like it. For those of you who haven't seen it, it's basically a 90 minute nature documentary about everything penguins have to go through to mate, have a baby, and raise the baby until it's ready to survive on its own. But it's probably better than the typical show on Discovery Channel or Animal Planet, since it's hard to film in Antarctica and follow these penguins for months. Also, they got Morgan Freeman to do the narration, which must have cost a pretty penny. He did a good job though. That means I have now seen 2 movies that he narrated, and liked both of them.
I won't say too much about what happens in the movie because you should watch it for yourself, but I'll just say that it's pretty amazing how much those penguins have to go through, just to raise one baby and survive the cold. Before watching this movie, I didn't really know much of anything about penguins. Except that they always made me angry in MarioKart when they get in my way and make me spin out.
Actually at one point I did wish I was a penguin, because it seems fun to be able to slide across the ice on your belly. But now that I've seen that the Antarctic isn't very hospitable, I decided that maybe being a penguin is not for me.
Over the weekend, I watched March of the Penguins on DVD. I'm kind of bitter about the situation because back when the movie first came out in the theaters, and I told people I wanted to see it, I got all kinds of weird looks. Either "what the heck is March of the Penguins" looks, or "I know what it is, why the heck would you want to watch a movie about penguins?" looks.
But then as time went by, I kept hearing from friends who went to see the movie, and pretty much every one of them said it was good. To make things worse, some of them were the same people who gave me those weird looks before!
Anyways, I'm glad I finally got to see the movie and I did like it. For those of you who haven't seen it, it's basically a 90 minute nature documentary about everything penguins have to go through to mate, have a baby, and raise the baby until it's ready to survive on its own. But it's probably better than the typical show on Discovery Channel or Animal Planet, since it's hard to film in Antarctica and follow these penguins for months. Also, they got Morgan Freeman to do the narration, which must have cost a pretty penny. He did a good job though. That means I have now seen 2 movies that he narrated, and liked both of them.
I won't say too much about what happens in the movie because you should watch it for yourself, but I'll just say that it's pretty amazing how much those penguins have to go through, just to raise one baby and survive the cold. Before watching this movie, I didn't really know much of anything about penguins. Except that they always made me angry in MarioKart when they get in my way and make me spin out.
Actually at one point I did wish I was a penguin, because it seems fun to be able to slide across the ice on your belly. But now that I've seen that the Antarctic isn't very hospitable, I decided that maybe being a penguin is not for me.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Mariah, You're On Fire
I've been listening to a lot of Mariah Carey's stuff lately, new and old, and felt inspired to write a blog about her.
As most of you know, I have always had a soft spot in my heart for pop music, so it should come as no surprise that I'm a Mariah fan. Which I am, and have been for years. But I don't think I have ever fully appreciated her greatness until recently.
When I think about how her career and her image has changed throughout the years, it's pretty amazing. She started out as this young sweet girl with a fantastic sounding voice, who sang mostly cheesy love songs. As she got more popular, she started being categorized with other "divas" like Whitney Houston or Celine Dion. Her music also began to sound more hip-hoppy throughout the 90's, although she always maintained some of her pop music roots. At one point she even made a movie, although I don't think anybody ever bothered to watch it.
Mariah has worked with everyone from 98 Degrees, Brian McKnight, Boyz II Men, and Whitney Houston, to Bone Thugs, Busta Rhymes, Puff Daddy, and Jermaine Dupri. She's gone from being married to a record executive that Michael Jackson once called "evil", to dating the star shortstop on the Yankees. Who else can even come close to that list of accomplishments?
One thing I have never been able to figure out is whether or not I think Mariah Carey is hot. There's been moments when she has looked great, but so many other times when she's looked too fat, too hoochie, or both. Right now I'm still undecided about that so stay tuned.
But one thing that can't be questioned is that her voice has always been awesome. I think a while back, I made a list of best female voices in my blog, and I don't remember exactly where I ranked her, but she's gotta be in my top 3 for sure. Considering how much has changed in the music world since her career started, and in the pop genre alone, it's a wonder that she's still at the top of her game today, and a lot of that has to be due to her voice.
When I look at my current Winamp playlist, it's almost all Mariah songs. Part of that is due to it being Christmas season, but still, I can't believe how many great songs she had that I completely forgot about. If I may, I would like to present my personal top 10 Mariah Carey Songs:
10. Whenever You Call (f. Brian McKnight) - I'm probably leaving out a better song because of this, but I can't not include this song, because of the memories. One of my shining moments of college was when me, Anuj, and Brian were howling this song at the tops of our lungs while playing MarioKart.
9. All I've Ever Wanted - One of her lesser known, and most underrated songs (at least I think it is). Music Box was a great album from top to bottom, and this song probably just got lost among the others. But I think it belongs in the top 10.
8. Hero - Speaking of which, the most overplayed song from Music Box. I don't mind that much because it's still a great song though. Inspires me to look within myself, and find a way.
7. Everytime I Close My Eyes (f. Babyface) - I might have ranked this song higher, if Kenny G wasn't in it.
6. Vision of Love - I think this song came out before I started listening to music a lot. But that did not preclude me from appreciating it as much as her later work.
5. One Sweet Day (f. Boyz II Men) - Another song that was very overplayed at the time, but understandable because it was so good.
4. O Holy Night - Having grown up in the church, I remember when we had to practice this song in Sunday School for one of our kids' Christmas Eve shows, and I can say it is one of the most difficult songs to sing. But Mariah did an awesome version on her Christmas album with ease, which makes me all the more impressed. I haven't heard any other versions of the song that have even come near to the quality of her rendition. Except for maybe Eric Cartman's.
3. Breakdown (f. Bone Thugs N Harmony) - I always forget she did this song, but every once in a while I go back and listen to it, and it gets stuck in my head for about a week. Such a catchy song. "...well I guess I'm tryin to be.... nonchalant about it... and I'm goin to extremes... to prove I'm fine without you... but in reality I'm... slowly losin my mind..."
2. Dreamlover - The first Mariah song I ever heard. Loved it back then, still love it now.
1. Always Be My Baby - I could probably say the same thing for any of the songs on this list, but I can't imagine anybody except Mariah Carey making this song work. It might not be the most difficult to sing or even the catchiest tune, but I put it at #1 because it's quintessential Mariah.
I've been listening to a lot of Mariah Carey's stuff lately, new and old, and felt inspired to write a blog about her.
As most of you know, I have always had a soft spot in my heart for pop music, so it should come as no surprise that I'm a Mariah fan. Which I am, and have been for years. But I don't think I have ever fully appreciated her greatness until recently.
When I think about how her career and her image has changed throughout the years, it's pretty amazing. She started out as this young sweet girl with a fantastic sounding voice, who sang mostly cheesy love songs. As she got more popular, she started being categorized with other "divas" like Whitney Houston or Celine Dion. Her music also began to sound more hip-hoppy throughout the 90's, although she always maintained some of her pop music roots. At one point she even made a movie, although I don't think anybody ever bothered to watch it.
Mariah has worked with everyone from 98 Degrees, Brian McKnight, Boyz II Men, and Whitney Houston, to Bone Thugs, Busta Rhymes, Puff Daddy, and Jermaine Dupri. She's gone from being married to a record executive that Michael Jackson once called "evil", to dating the star shortstop on the Yankees. Who else can even come close to that list of accomplishments?
One thing I have never been able to figure out is whether or not I think Mariah Carey is hot. There's been moments when she has looked great, but so many other times when she's looked too fat, too hoochie, or both. Right now I'm still undecided about that so stay tuned.
But one thing that can't be questioned is that her voice has always been awesome. I think a while back, I made a list of best female voices in my blog, and I don't remember exactly where I ranked her, but she's gotta be in my top 3 for sure. Considering how much has changed in the music world since her career started, and in the pop genre alone, it's a wonder that she's still at the top of her game today, and a lot of that has to be due to her voice.
When I look at my current Winamp playlist, it's almost all Mariah songs. Part of that is due to it being Christmas season, but still, I can't believe how many great songs she had that I completely forgot about. If I may, I would like to present my personal top 10 Mariah Carey Songs:
10. Whenever You Call (f. Brian McKnight) - I'm probably leaving out a better song because of this, but I can't not include this song, because of the memories. One of my shining moments of college was when me, Anuj, and Brian were howling this song at the tops of our lungs while playing MarioKart.
9. All I've Ever Wanted - One of her lesser known, and most underrated songs (at least I think it is). Music Box was a great album from top to bottom, and this song probably just got lost among the others. But I think it belongs in the top 10.
8. Hero - Speaking of which, the most overplayed song from Music Box. I don't mind that much because it's still a great song though. Inspires me to look within myself, and find a way.
7. Everytime I Close My Eyes (f. Babyface) - I might have ranked this song higher, if Kenny G wasn't in it.
6. Vision of Love - I think this song came out before I started listening to music a lot. But that did not preclude me from appreciating it as much as her later work.
5. One Sweet Day (f. Boyz II Men) - Another song that was very overplayed at the time, but understandable because it was so good.
4. O Holy Night - Having grown up in the church, I remember when we had to practice this song in Sunday School for one of our kids' Christmas Eve shows, and I can say it is one of the most difficult songs to sing. But Mariah did an awesome version on her Christmas album with ease, which makes me all the more impressed. I haven't heard any other versions of the song that have even come near to the quality of her rendition. Except for maybe Eric Cartman's.
3. Breakdown (f. Bone Thugs N Harmony) - I always forget she did this song, but every once in a while I go back and listen to it, and it gets stuck in my head for about a week. Such a catchy song. "...well I guess I'm tryin to be.... nonchalant about it... and I'm goin to extremes... to prove I'm fine without you... but in reality I'm... slowly losin my mind..."
2. Dreamlover - The first Mariah song I ever heard. Loved it back then, still love it now.
1. Always Be My Baby - I could probably say the same thing for any of the songs on this list, but I can't imagine anybody except Mariah Carey making this song work. It might not be the most difficult to sing or even the catchiest tune, but I put it at #1 because it's quintessential Mariah.
Monday, December 12, 2005
My Real World Application
(Note: If it's not already patently obvious to you, THE FOLLOWING ENTRY IS A JOKE. I apologize in advance if nobody thinks it's funny, but I had fun writing it, so that's why I'm posting it.)
We often wonder why in so many years of Real World, MTV has yet to cast an Asian guy in any of its seasons. But I realized that probably none of us have ever really done anything about it. So I decided to put together an application that might finally help us (meaning male Asians) break through to MTV. See below
*****
Dear MTV Producers:
I have been an avid fan of the Real World for many seasons now, mainly because of how accurately it portrays the life of a young adult in America. I think I speak for all of my peers when I say that all of us can truly relate to the setup of your show.
We all know exactly what it's like to have a job handed to us, without ever having to apply for it or show any semblance of qualifications beforehand. It's also pretty standard for us to live in a posh house that is decked out with the most luxurious furnishings (short of the stripper poles that the rappers in Cribs have, of course).
But what makes your show the most worthwhile, in my opinion, is the tremendous effort that your producers make to incorporate diversity into each cast. Other than the fact that every season centers around one or two "alpha-male" Caucasian characters (Brad from SD, Steven from LV, Danny from Austin, MJ from Philly to name a few), to go with the Caucasian, preferably blonde and hopefully attractive, but more importantly, slutty females that desire them (Cameron from SD, Trishelle from LV, Melinda from Austin, and Sarah from Philly), the show's diversity is truly admirable.
Without Real World, I would have never been introduced to such characters as the big angry black man (David from New Orleans), the not as big but just as angry black man (Steven from Seattle), the dorky angry black man (Adam from Paris), the angry black man that looks like Dee Brown (Nehemiah from Austin), and the surprisingly gay but, you guessed it, angry black man (Karamo from Philadelphia). It's not just black men who are angry in the show, though. We've also witnessed the domineering angry black woman (Coral) and the crazy psycho lesbian angry black woman (Aneesa) as well, which is important to know.
However, if there is one shortcoming to the Real World, it is the considerable lack of Asian cast members on the show. Although we have seen a few of them so far (my count is 2.5 with Janet from Seattle, Jamie from SD, and Christina from Paris), it is hardly a complete representation of the Asian race. For one, all three of the above are Korean (Christina being half-German as well), and beyond that, all three of them are female.
In my opinion, what your show desperately needs is a real Asian male representative cast member. And yes, as you may have guessed by now, I would like to offer myself, a Chinese-American male in his mid-20's, to be a part of your next cast.
If you haven't already tossed this application to the trash heap after reading that last sentence, let me just assure you that I have a lot more to offer MTV and the Real World than you may expect. If you select me as a cast member, I promise to make your next season of Real World the greatest ever.
For starters, my exceptionally charismatic personality, stinging sense of humor, and devastating good looks alone would most likely make me an instant star with your audiences. But in spite of those facts, my ultimate goal is much grander than simply generating a greater fan base and boosting Nielsen ratings.
I will make it my mission to broaden the scope of what the American public typically sees of Asian people in this country, which, if I dare say, is terribly limited if not completely inaccurate. In short, I wish to show everybody, through my presence on your show, that we (the Asian race) are much more than the quiet, exotic looking creatures that are generally content to blend into the social fabric of our country.
You might ask, "how"? Well, the ways are many, but to give you an idea of some of the things I could do on the show to enlighten your viewers:
1. Frequently talk about math.
Not many people know this, but Asians are good at math. I, for one, was on my high school's math team, went through 4 years of engineering curriculum in college, and have worked for the past 3 years as an electronics engineer. You can't do all that and not be good at math!
Anyways, I figure that instead of hooking up with hot chicks, or getting into fights at the bar, it would be cool to practice solving differential equations or something like that. And you never have to worry about getting arrested for doing integrals, which is nice. Nobody likes to see cast members getting hauled off to jail by the local cops, when that stuff happens it's just an embarrassment to the vaunted Real World franchise.
2. Eat lots of rice, with chopsticks.
Another little known fact is that Asians like rice. Actually, I'm pretty sure we invented rice, like maybe back in the 60's or something. And we don't use just forks or spoons to eat it - we use chopsticks. That may not seem like a big detail, but it's a crucial aspect of our culture that should not be overlooked.
Just the other day I was watching an episode of RW: Austin when Johanna was chowing down on some brats. How boring is that? So for me, when everyone else on the show is using forks to eat "salads" or "pasta casserole", I'll be the one scooping rice into my mouth with chopsticks.
As an added bonus, I know all the words to the song "Got Rice?", which is basically a 2Pac song with the lyrics changed to reflect AZN pride. So, in an ideal situation, you have a potential scene where I could be eating rice, with chopsticks, while singing "Got Rice?". Triple bonus!
3. Practice Kung-fu in the house
If you pay attention to the roles that Asian actors tend to get in Hollywood, it's surprising that none of them seem to ever reflect our proud heritage of Martial Arts. We're always cast as the sex symbol in romantic comedies, which is fine, but so limiting. Nobody seems to realize that Asians can also do jump kicks and fly from treetop to treetop, when that's one of our greatest assets.
So to make people more aware of our skills, I'll make sure to practice my Kung-fu around the house for everyone (and the cameras) to see. Unfortunately, I don't have a black belt in anything, but I have taken some classes in Karate and Judo and that should be good enough. Nobody will know the difference anyways, right?
4. Walk around with a crouch (to give appearance of being short)
While I respect Yao Ming's basketball skills as much as the next guy, his rise to fame has unfortunately led everyone in America to mistakenly believe that all Asians are super tall. It's an annoying stereotype, because I constantly have to deal with questions from my non-Asian friends like "Dudo, you're Chinese aren't you? How come you're not 7-foot-5?"
The fact is, there are a lot of short Asian people that are even smaller than me (I'm about 5'11 to 6' myself). The viewers of Real World need to realize this, so I plan on walking around with really bad posture for the 3 months I'm in the house. If there was an easier way to demonstrate that Asian people are not tall, I'd be all for it. But someone needs to show America the truth, and I'd gladly sacrifice my spinal well being to do so.
There's much more I could add to the above list, like wearing my thick glasses, watching Japanese anime, or singing Ricky Martin songs on Karaoke. But I think I've listed enough examples to point out some of the key elements that have been missing from Real World for so many years, due to the lack of male Asian cast members.
Hopefully the above has shown you the importance of including someone like myself in the next season of Real World. I urge you to consider my application seriously. Don't make me have to tree-hop my way over there and jump kick you!
(Note: If it's not already patently obvious to you, THE FOLLOWING ENTRY IS A JOKE. I apologize in advance if nobody thinks it's funny, but I had fun writing it, so that's why I'm posting it.)
We often wonder why in so many years of Real World, MTV has yet to cast an Asian guy in any of its seasons. But I realized that probably none of us have ever really done anything about it. So I decided to put together an application that might finally help us (meaning male Asians) break through to MTV. See below
*****
Dear MTV Producers:
I have been an avid fan of the Real World for many seasons now, mainly because of how accurately it portrays the life of a young adult in America. I think I speak for all of my peers when I say that all of us can truly relate to the setup of your show.
We all know exactly what it's like to have a job handed to us, without ever having to apply for it or show any semblance of qualifications beforehand. It's also pretty standard for us to live in a posh house that is decked out with the most luxurious furnishings (short of the stripper poles that the rappers in Cribs have, of course).
But what makes your show the most worthwhile, in my opinion, is the tremendous effort that your producers make to incorporate diversity into each cast. Other than the fact that every season centers around one or two "alpha-male" Caucasian characters (Brad from SD, Steven from LV, Danny from Austin, MJ from Philly to name a few), to go with the Caucasian, preferably blonde and hopefully attractive, but more importantly, slutty females that desire them (Cameron from SD, Trishelle from LV, Melinda from Austin, and Sarah from Philly), the show's diversity is truly admirable.
Without Real World, I would have never been introduced to such characters as the big angry black man (David from New Orleans), the not as big but just as angry black man (Steven from Seattle), the dorky angry black man (Adam from Paris), the angry black man that looks like Dee Brown (Nehemiah from Austin), and the surprisingly gay but, you guessed it, angry black man (Karamo from Philadelphia). It's not just black men who are angry in the show, though. We've also witnessed the domineering angry black woman (Coral) and the crazy psycho lesbian angry black woman (Aneesa) as well, which is important to know.
However, if there is one shortcoming to the Real World, it is the considerable lack of Asian cast members on the show. Although we have seen a few of them so far (my count is 2.5 with Janet from Seattle, Jamie from SD, and Christina from Paris), it is hardly a complete representation of the Asian race. For one, all three of the above are Korean (Christina being half-German as well), and beyond that, all three of them are female.
In my opinion, what your show desperately needs is a real Asian male representative cast member. And yes, as you may have guessed by now, I would like to offer myself, a Chinese-American male in his mid-20's, to be a part of your next cast.
If you haven't already tossed this application to the trash heap after reading that last sentence, let me just assure you that I have a lot more to offer MTV and the Real World than you may expect. If you select me as a cast member, I promise to make your next season of Real World the greatest ever.
For starters, my exceptionally charismatic personality, stinging sense of humor, and devastating good looks alone would most likely make me an instant star with your audiences. But in spite of those facts, my ultimate goal is much grander than simply generating a greater fan base and boosting Nielsen ratings.
I will make it my mission to broaden the scope of what the American public typically sees of Asian people in this country, which, if I dare say, is terribly limited if not completely inaccurate. In short, I wish to show everybody, through my presence on your show, that we (the Asian race) are much more than the quiet, exotic looking creatures that are generally content to blend into the social fabric of our country.
You might ask, "how"? Well, the ways are many, but to give you an idea of some of the things I could do on the show to enlighten your viewers:
1. Frequently talk about math.
Not many people know this, but Asians are good at math. I, for one, was on my high school's math team, went through 4 years of engineering curriculum in college, and have worked for the past 3 years as an electronics engineer. You can't do all that and not be good at math!
Anyways, I figure that instead of hooking up with hot chicks, or getting into fights at the bar, it would be cool to practice solving differential equations or something like that. And you never have to worry about getting arrested for doing integrals, which is nice. Nobody likes to see cast members getting hauled off to jail by the local cops, when that stuff happens it's just an embarrassment to the vaunted Real World franchise.
2. Eat lots of rice, with chopsticks.
Another little known fact is that Asians like rice. Actually, I'm pretty sure we invented rice, like maybe back in the 60's or something. And we don't use just forks or spoons to eat it - we use chopsticks. That may not seem like a big detail, but it's a crucial aspect of our culture that should not be overlooked.
Just the other day I was watching an episode of RW: Austin when Johanna was chowing down on some brats. How boring is that? So for me, when everyone else on the show is using forks to eat "salads" or "pasta casserole", I'll be the one scooping rice into my mouth with chopsticks.
As an added bonus, I know all the words to the song "Got Rice?", which is basically a 2Pac song with the lyrics changed to reflect AZN pride. So, in an ideal situation, you have a potential scene where I could be eating rice, with chopsticks, while singing "Got Rice?". Triple bonus!
3. Practice Kung-fu in the house
If you pay attention to the roles that Asian actors tend to get in Hollywood, it's surprising that none of them seem to ever reflect our proud heritage of Martial Arts. We're always cast as the sex symbol in romantic comedies, which is fine, but so limiting. Nobody seems to realize that Asians can also do jump kicks and fly from treetop to treetop, when that's one of our greatest assets.
So to make people more aware of our skills, I'll make sure to practice my Kung-fu around the house for everyone (and the cameras) to see. Unfortunately, I don't have a black belt in anything, but I have taken some classes in Karate and Judo and that should be good enough. Nobody will know the difference anyways, right?
4. Walk around with a crouch (to give appearance of being short)
While I respect Yao Ming's basketball skills as much as the next guy, his rise to fame has unfortunately led everyone in America to mistakenly believe that all Asians are super tall. It's an annoying stereotype, because I constantly have to deal with questions from my non-Asian friends like "Dudo, you're Chinese aren't you? How come you're not 7-foot-5?"
The fact is, there are a lot of short Asian people that are even smaller than me (I'm about 5'11 to 6' myself). The viewers of Real World need to realize this, so I plan on walking around with really bad posture for the 3 months I'm in the house. If there was an easier way to demonstrate that Asian people are not tall, I'd be all for it. But someone needs to show America the truth, and I'd gladly sacrifice my spinal well being to do so.
There's much more I could add to the above list, like wearing my thick glasses, watching Japanese anime, or singing Ricky Martin songs on Karaoke. But I think I've listed enough examples to point out some of the key elements that have been missing from Real World for so many years, due to the lack of male Asian cast members.
Hopefully the above has shown you the importance of including someone like myself in the next season of Real World. I urge you to consider my application seriously. Don't make me have to tree-hop my way over there and jump kick you!
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